Living Authentically And Dealing With Your Haters


Recently, I was reminded of this wonderful talk from Brene Brown about authentic connection and vulnerability and how important it is for every human being to believe they are worthy of love and belonging.

I knew writing a memoir would be challenging, much like graduate school or any large undertaking.  What I didn’t realize is how much I would learn about unconditional love for myself and others.

What does it mean to tell a story or to do anything in life with your whole heart?  It means being authentic and vulnerable.  It means transcending shame and making yourself a priority.  It means being kind to yourself so that you know how to be kind to others.  It means getting out of yourself enough to be of service to others because service may very well be the meaning of life.  At least, the Dali Lama thinks so😉

Checking my intentions:  As I continue to revise my memoir, I’ve thought a lot about how the words that I have written will affect others.

I am aiming for fearless honesty but with the intent to illuminate problems in society. I’ve learned a lot about writing and the art of displaying scenes at various times in a narrative.  Mostly, I’ve learned about forgiveness, letting go, and living from a place of unconditional love for greater numbers of people.

While checking my intentions during revisions, I realized that a few blog posts were most likely written before the pain of an event had been fully processed.  For instance, my post about narcissists might have had a different tone had I waited a month or so to publish the article.  I was disappointed by a friend who became jealous and highly passive aggressive towards me, but that blog post might not have been the right time to process the moment.

In revising this manuscript, I want to be careful that I am not “avenging” all the wrongs that have been done to me by exposing these moments.  I want to show the truth of life and how to transcend pain in healthy ways, often with the insight I learned from the afterlife.

I continue to talk about my near-death experience because the wonder of that moment has returned as a healing force in my life to a variety of events.  My near-death experience taught me how valuable life is and how important each interaction with others can be.  I don’t spend a single moment of my time actively trying to hurt or harm others. People erase their own joy with such behavior, and I don’t want to do anything to dampen my own joy or separate myself from the love of the divine.

Illuminating the Darkness: Sometimes, people leave hateful comments on my YouTube videos, and I wonder what kind of shame, anger, and disgust they must feel for themselves.  I don’t want people to suffer, and when people lash out in unproductive, potentially damaging ways, I send them light, blessings, and healing energy.  I pray for their awakening.

I think thoughts like, “May the author of such hateful comments be healed of sexism and abusive relationships with women.  May he be healed of his own self-loathing and inadequacy.  May he work hard to create something himself instead of rating things negatively. May he learn how to love himself so that he might learn how to give love to others.  May he be healed of deplorableness.  May she know greater peace and security.  May she see herself as worthy of love.  May her frantic agitation be calmed and healed.  May her negativity, passive aggressiveness, and jealousy be turned into real accomplishments.  May she be healed of Stepford Wife tendencies.   And may they all get their instant karma.  (Just Kidding….)”

When I dive into the consciousness of some haters, I feel that they long for an end to their misery.  Sometimes, they even imagine that the only way to end their pain is through suicide.  I pray that through acts of kindness instead of hatred, they might learn to value their own lives and no longer feel suicidal.  Some people spread hate because hate gives them a jolt of energy and distracts them from their hopelessness, like an addiction.  And sometimes, people fear facing the truth of their own lives and beginning to forgive themselves.  Some men may fear the truth of women’s lives because they may not be ready to examine the ways that they have not treated women with dignity. If they have treated women with dignity, they do not fear the voices and perspectives of women.

My book details some creepy, criminal, and abusive behavior from some men because it is the reality of what I have encountered on planet earth.  I want these types of moments to decrease.  April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and according to the CDC, each minute, there are 24 victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking per minute. Despite this horrible statistic, I know there are so many wonderful men and women who will learn more about how to be bystanders and anchor greater peace on this planet, forcing this number to go down drastically.

Happy People Don’t Spend Their Time Being Hateful:  As time goes by, I am learning to take just as much energy from darkness as I do the light.  When confronted with darkness, I work hard to illuminate it.  When confronted with light and blessings, I work hard to spread those blessings.

One thing I know with certainty—happy people with lots of internal bliss and freedom don’t sit around posting hateful comments on YouTube. 

True happiness and joy comes from a connection to source and a deep connection to others.  To have those connections, we must feel worthy of them and come from an authentic place.  It took a while for me to learn how to feel worthy, but the memory of God’s love during my NDE was the first major step in that direction.  Today, I am blessed by the love in my life, the love of my life, and surprised by the beauty of life.

My deepest wish is that everyone might be healed. There is so much light available to us all.  However, you have freewill.  You can do as you wish, but you’ll probably regret it during your life review. You will see all the good you could have done in this world.  You will see all the ways you could have brought more love into the world with your thoughts, words, and actions.  You will see that you were not living at all when you spent your time hating others.


8 thoughts on “Living Authentically And Dealing With Your Haters

  1. When is your book ready? Have you been contacted by Barbara Franken already? She has a guest blogging / author frature every other Monday throughout this year.
    Details are here
    I think she is still looking for contributions and maybe you would like to write something for her blog about compassion and feature your book. I think it would be great if you could contribute . You have such an extraordinary journey to share.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for another great link! I really appreciate it. The prompt for compassion is a perfect one:-) I’m going through the book one more time, and then I’m going to start looking for an agent. It has been such a fun journey.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Authenticity is the lifeblood that flows freely through the veins of the body of that which we call “fulfillment.”

    This post truly is a beautiful spotlight on the rare characteristic of authenticity.

    Thank you for writing such an inspiring and thought provoking article.

    Personally I treat haters like markers that run along the road known as life. Each hater that you encounter is a sign; one that signifies progress on your journey, while simultaneously making you aware of some of the sad and lost souls out there.

    This duality of progresses and regresses are neither good, nor bad. They simply are.

    People are where they are due to free will and the choices they have consciously made. Which means that their poor state of being, is sad, yet not of your concern.

    Your attention should not be on the signposts (people) along the side of the road, it should be firmly fixed upon the horizon of your happiness and your success, that lays ahead.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Love this Tricia! Your posts seem to stick with me, for some reason, and I find myself remembering one of the many wisdom nuggets you’ve shared, even days later. 🙂

    Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest. I know it takes a lot of courage.

    Wishing you nothing but love and can’t wait to read your book!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh…thank you so much. Writing this book has been quite a journey, but even just the process has connected me to a wonderful community of people. All the sweet emails and sweet comments like yours mean a lot.


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