healing

The Mysterious Experience of Dying, Healing, and Awakening

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / Leave a comment

Here are some YouTube Shorts which link to the longer interviews. I love how near-death experiencers discuss the moments they realized they were physically dead but their consciousness continued. They express these moments with awe, humor, wonder, and a reverence for the mysterious nature of dying.

Donna Rebadow is a Mystic, Near-Death Experiencer, former Professor, Sports Medicine Acupuncturist, and host of the “Exploring Consciousness” Podcast. In the summer of 1998, Donna had a Near Death Experience that changed how she viewed herself, the world, and other dimensions. After this experience, Donna started exploring consciousness. Donna taught at the college level in Arizona for 30 years in the areas of Health, Wellness, Psychology, and Alternative Medicine. She opened her own Sports Medicine Acupuncture practice in 2010, which included treating Major League Baseball players, and elite and Olympic athletes. Donna is a humanitarian, musician, former professional athlete, and consciousness adventurer and was inducted into the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame with her Wayland Baptist University teammates. https://exploreconsciousness.libsyn.com/

Tommy McDowell had a life-altering near-death experience (NDE) during a prolonged coma. As his body failed, he entered the void—a realm of darkness and silence where he faced profound fear and isolation. But in his moment of deepest despair, a presence emerged—pure Goodness, infinite love, and overwhelming peace. A seasoned executive leader in the tech industry, U.S. Army veteran, Tommy’s experience shattered his worldview and revealed a divine presence beyond anything he had ever imagined. Join us as Tommy shares his incredible story. If you want to contact him, here is his email address. tommyleemcdowell@icloud.com

Mike Dinkel is a near-death experiencer (NDEr) and a gifted healer, channel, and psychic. In this interview, we discussed his near-death experience (NDE) and the profound spiritual insights he gained from his near-death experience as a very young child. Mike shares his incredible journey and how it led him to develop a unique approach to healing, energy work, and intuitive guidance. At the end of our conversation, Mike channels wisdom for all of us, offering a transformative message filled with healing and higher consciousness. His work includes CranioSacral Therapy, Reiki, SomatoEmotional Release, Hands-On Healing, Vocal Toning Therapy, and more—all designed to help both people and animals find deep healing. In the full episode, he also talks about some work as a rescue medium. In this experience, he worked with an earthbound soul who believed she would be punished for having an abortion. When we approach the topic of abortion with spiritual maturity, we move beyond punishment and into healing. God does not seek to trap souls in guilt but to uplift them in truth. No matter where you stand, let’s move away from shame and toward understanding. Let’s create space for compassion—for the living and for those who have passed. Because in the end, love is what sets us free. Learn more about Mike Dinkel and his healing work: 🌐 MikeDinkel.com 

Victoria Beaumont shared the profound impact of her spiritually transformative experiences. A life-changing event in her 20s opened her up to energetic connections with loved ones on the other side and unveiled spiritual gifts. As a successful singer and music producer, she blends pop with meditation music while researching consciousness and spirituality. Discover how these experiences have shaped both their lives, including insights into angelic encounters and mediumship abilities that continue to evolve over time. Victoria Beaumont recently moved back to the states from the U.K. where she continues her career as a successful singer and music producer, creating all kinds of music from pop to meditation music. She’s also a keen researcher of consciousness and spirituality in her spare time. Website – https://www.vbvocals.com Victoria’s New YouTube channel – https://www.youtube.com/@VoicesOfLightMusic

Alysa Rushton is a near-death survivor and energy intuitive. She is a global thought leader on conscious life creation and ascension. Founder of the Divine Light Energy Healers Academy, she teaches healing tools learned from her NDE. Alysa inspires individuals to overcome adversity, release addiction, and step into their true identity as Divine beings of light. Join us for an inspiring conversation as Alysa shares her powerful near-death experience and miraculous healing journey. Alysa opens up about the role of identity in healing and how we can consciously create our best lives. Prepare to be uplifted and empowered! Here is Alysa Rushton’s website: https://alysarushton.com/

Elizabeth Clark’s powerful book, Healing in the Himalayas, takes readers on a journey through the stunning landscapes of Nepal and the Himalayas, where a life-changing trek brought brought about a profound personal healing and spontaneous recovery from breast cancer. Along the way, she received spiritual guidance that helped her uncover and address the root of her illness: unresolved childhood trauma. With her expertise as a licensed music therapist and trauma-informed practitioner, Elizabeth’s story beautifully bridges the mind–body connection and the transformative power of healing. Tune in to the full conversation for an inspiring conversation about trauma, resilience, and the incredible potential for change within all of us. We also talk about how near-death experiences and spiritually transformative experiences have similarities and differences. Here is her website. http://www.elizabethclark.org

Spiritual Community and Readings

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 3 Comments

Hello Beautiful Light-Filled Souls!

I’m thrilled to invite you to join our growing spiritual community, where we meet twice a month on Zoom for meaningful connection, healing, and spiritual growth. These gatherings are held on Wednesday evenings at 7:00 p.m. Central Time, and I truly believe that together, we create a space of light, support, and transformation.

Here are our upcoming meeting dates:

  • October 2024: October 9th & 23rd at 7 p.m. Central
  • November 2024: November 6th & 20th at 7 p.m. Central
  • December 2024: December 4th & 18th at 7 p.m. Central

✨ Special Offer: If you sign up for our spiritual community in September or October, you can purchase a reading for $100—a special discount of $50! This is a wonderful opportunity to dive deeper into your personal spiritual journey with guidance. Here is the link to book a reading.

You can also book a discounted reading if you purchase an archangel design t-shirt. I love the idea of people walking around the world wearing t-shirts of these angels. The image closest to the angels I saw during my surgery is this design.

If you can’t attend live on a particular night, don’t worry! I’m creating a library of downloadable healings and meditations that you can access anytime through our online portal. You’ll also have access to recordings from previous months in 2024, so you can benefit from the group energy whenever it’s convenient for you. Remember to use the same email to log in and access these resources.

You can join our community for as long as you like, and there’s no obligation—cancel anytime. I believe in making these healings accessible while maintaining the intimate and sacred nature of the work we do together, especially as we dive into deep, transformative shadow work.

I truly believe that in community, we can amplify our light, heal one another, and create positive change. I’d love for you to be part of this sacred journey with us.

Many blessings to you!


Tricia Barker

Interview with Daniel Giroux: Love, Joy, and Healing

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / Leave a comment

Daniel Giroux’s near-death experience takeaway can be summed up in a few words—love, joy, and healing.  Of course, each near-death experience has far-reaching aftereffects and often changes the experiencer’s life dramatically.  I hope you enjoy his story and the discussion afterwards about energy work. Daniel is a friend of mine and a mentor.  I feel blessed to have met him on this journey.

I am especially excited to share this conversation with you because Daniel and I both meditated before we talked, and we made an intention that our discussion might be of benefit to others.  I asked him to give me a reading at the end of the video because I have recently lost a dear friend and wanted more closure.  We didn’t film the rest of that reading because Daniel picked up on a very sensitive time in my life when my friend was there for me.  I recalled the moment vividly, and it made me realize that in one of my darkest times I had an empathetic friend beside me who felt my pain on a deep level and loved me through that moment.  Jokingly, my friend (who is enjoying the afterlife and flying free) asked for a bigger part in my manuscript, and he deserves it. I guess I have one more scene to write in a book that I thought was completed.  It wasn’t complete without one more scene of unconditional love.  We can never have too much of that in this world.

Just before posting this video, I thanked Daniel’s guide, and she sent me someone incredibly special. I heard Louise Hay tell me, “You did very well.  This is what the world needs more of—healing.”   I felt shocked to hear Louise Hay’s familiar voice, and I feel like I am walking on air tonight.  May you each be blessed with love and joy!

Here is Daniel’s blog if you would like to contact him.

Harassment, Stalking, and Rape Almost Destroyed the Beauty of a Near-Death Experience But in the Long Run Spirit and Love Wins

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 4 Comments

Update 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

I’ve written about harassment, stalking, and rape before, but with everything in the news from the recent Time article about silence breakers, I wanted to address these topics again, and ultimately from the perspective of healing, both personally and socially.

I had a slightly different experience from some older near-death experiencers because I returned to the body of a woman in her early twenties.  Navigating this culture and another culture in South Korea proved challenging.

However, in the end, we are not defined by what we experience but by how we overcome these moments, how dedicated we are to focusing on creating a brighter future for ourselves despite the harrowing aftereffects, and how we are able to help other heal.  I also believe we all–male and female—have a responsibility to create safer power structures.

My healing came from group therapy, many types of therapies and healing modalities, many types of self-defense classes, community, helping others, energetic healing, meditation, yoga, writing, speaking about these topics, safe relationships, and time spent creating many beautiful, peaceful moments.

Ultimately, the near-death experience and the beauty of that event returned to me fully, but there were some dark years of living with some of the aftereffects of harassment, stalking and rape when I all I could do was survive.

I believe that love is a transformer of darkness in society.  I found a way to love all the many students I met who suffered in ways similar to me or in much more horrifying ways.  Supporting them in the ways I wanted to be supported made me feel as if I was working to create a better world.   In the end, isn’t that what we are trying to do on a soul level–create greater connection, greater understanding, and greater healing for everyone?

I reiterate time and time again that no victim is ever required to formally forgive, engage with, or talk with anyone who has harmed them, but it is also important to let go and focus one’s energy and time on goals, dreams, and beauty in the world.  Writing helps me let go of these moments even more.

It is no longer just my story.  As I am connected to countless stories from my students and may have worked to eliminate some of their sorrow, or at least pointed them in the direction of a brighter future, anyone who reads my story also helps me let go even more.  You lessen my burden.  You help me carry it, and set me a little freer.

I know our spirits long to fly.  Our spirits do not identify with this form–the PTSD or the pain.  We are the love that we give.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 2 Comments

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.  My memoir does reflect on my suicide attempt and how the love of the afterlife later showed me how to bring more love and healing into my life.  I want to share that healing with others.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

With the holidays coming up soon, I thought it might be important to talk about depression and suicide and offer my perspective.  I know that many people who have survived abuse, neglect, or trauma in their families are often ostracized by these family members.  Holidays become all the more of a painful reminder of how alone they might feel in the world.  Those who are awakening and realizing spiritual truths that may transcend the perspectives of their family members might also feel some disconnection.

Whatever your situation might be during the holidays, I hope that you might treat yourself with great love and compassion during this time of year and through out the rest of the year.

I have a unique perspective on suicide because I viewed my suicide attempt while in the afterlife.  At the end of college, I had a profound near-death experience after a car wreck and was clinically dead for over two minutes during emergency spinal surgery.

During my life review, I saw my suicide attempt (which occurred a few months prior to my near-death experience) through the loving gaze of God. God had enormous love and compassion for me during this sad time in my life.  I felt completely supported by this loving force of God, and I could hear some of God’s thoughts about that time in my life.

When God viewed my suicide attempt, I felt that God wanted me to love myself more and know that I am deeply loved and supported by the universe, even when it does not seem that way.  God wanted me to place a high priority on my health and healing.   There were a myriad of choices available to me besides making an attempt on my life. I saw all these choices spin out around me as various light-filled paths.  I could have contacted friends, acquaintances, certain family members, called a hotline, looked for free or affordable resources through my university, searched for help at churches, or joined a recovery group.  There were many options I had besides the one that I picked in that moment.

At twenty-one, I did not know how to walk through the painful parts of my life, but if I reached out to others, I might have made a choice other than swallowing a ridiculous amount of painkillers and washing these painkillers down with a decanter of whiskey.  Amazingly, I woke up 36 hours later and realized that I had vomited, which probably saved my life.

At twenty-one, I didn’t realize that I could’ve tried new things I had never tried before.  Help might not have come from the people I wanted it to come from, but help and healing was available to me, and it is available to you too.  If you are suffering from a deep depression, keep walking through the pain and know that you are not alone on this journey, no matter how alone you might feel at the moment.  Find connection somewhere.

Through my life review, I saw that God also wanted me to be kind to others and ask them more questions about their lives.  An obsessive focus on myself led to greater depression and sadness.  Getting out of myself and listening to others would have brought more joy to their lives and to mine.

Suicidal plans and thoughts should be taken seriously.  If you are very close to taking your life, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  If you are not in the U.S., please look up a local or national hotline and talk with someone immediately.  Utilize all resources available to you, and reach out to someone you know who is a safe, caring person in your life.  If you are not suffering from depression but know someone who is, encourage this person to take healing, self-care, and therapy seriously.

If you suffer from depression but have energy to focus on your health and want to apply the deeply loving force of God to your own situation, I can offer you some ideas.  Every journey is an individual one, so please keep searching for what works for you.  These are only suggestions.

  1. Self-Love: Read everything you can get your hands on about self-love.  Louise Hay is a great resource with many mantras that might begin to change some of your negative thought patterns.  Ingest a daily diet of uplifting material—posts, podcasts, videos, and books.  I can personally recommend the book How to Love Yourself (And Sometimes Other People) by Lodro Rinzler and Meggan Watterson, especially if you struggle with romantic relationship difficulties.  Here is a blog post I have written about self-love.  Self-love is essential and necessary.  Too often we are much hard on ourselves when we could offer ourselves great compassion instead.
  2. Start a Healing Journey: Every healing journey is individual, but consider researching diets and supplements that can help your mood.  Reference books like Prescriptions for Natural Healing might be a place to begin.  Focus on simple healthy pleasures each day.  Exercise and get vitamin D.  Try new things.   Depending on your financial situation, invest in a therapist and try out various healing modalities.  Everything from eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) which might help with PTSD to energetic healing modalities might offer you relief.   Addressing subconscious blocks through modalities like Psych K can be beneficial. Even if you do not have the funds for some of these modalities, you might be able to trade with certain practitioners if you have skills in a certain area.  You can learn specific yoga moves or Tai Chi exercises online that can improve your mood.  You might also be able to learn more about healing modalities and practices, and find comfort in the talks and free information from healers.  Start with therapy and work outward in the directions that you are led.
  3. Commit to a Spiritual Practice: Commit to a support group, recovery group, spiritual practice, church, or gathering that makes you feel connected to love.  Do not go somewhere or stay somewhere where you feel judged and bogged down by the negativity of others.  During my near-death experience, I clearly saw that love is all that matters.  Go somewhere where you feel love, optimism, joy, and release from your struggles.  I highly recommend a meditation practice, but like a healing journey, a spiritual journey is an individual one.  I can only emphasize the importance of commitment and practice.  A spiritual practice is beneficial when you commit to it over the long haul and through the many ups and downs of life.
  4. Volunteer: There is usually someone who is less fortunate than you.  Even if you are in a dire position in life, you can volunteer at an organization that already helps you.  While volunteering, you might meet others and listen to them with love and with hope.   The point of volunteering is to do something to make the lives of others easier or better in some way.  As you give what you can give, your troubles lessen and you feel connected to a greater whole.  Like exercise or any other activity that we know is good for us but we resist, volunteering can have a profound effect on our consciousness.  When we feel useful or helpful, our self-esteem and self-concept changes for the better.  Mostly, we simply find joy in being connected to others versus suffering in isolation.  We are communal and need one another.  Find safe people and form bonds.  If you are too anxiety ridden to volunteer somewhere, then find a way to connect with others and do not suffer alone.
  5. Feel the Love of God: Take time in your day to imagine the force of God that near-death experiencers talk about with longing and love.  Try to imagine the most loving force on earth.  What would that feel like to you?  Write down what you would like God to be like for you and what you would like to feel from God right now.  Take those positive feelings and multiply them by 70 million.  Believe in this love as a reality and not a concept.  Close your eyes and imagine what this love would feel like.  Bring this love into every single one of your cells.  Fill your body with a glowing light that is the purest form of love imaginable.  This is your birthright and your true essence.  Know it.  Share it.  Believe it.
  6. Gratitude can rewire your brain:  Keep a gratitude journey and write down what you are grateful for each day.   Watch this Ted Talk and try some of the other suggestions at the end for creating more happiness in your life.  Hopefully, this speaker makes you chuckle a bit.  Laughter is one of my favorite medicines.

Your Destiny is to Heal, Serve, and Love Unconditionally

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 2 Comments

donjuanito

You can have much greater happiness when you turn your attention and consciousness to the presence of God within you.

Believe in Your Divinity:  You are the divine spark.  You are blessed and more beautiful and expansive than you fully grasp.  Your power for good in this world is literally limitless because there is a part of you that is eternal, limitless, and timeless.

Sure, you feel small.  You feel barely heard or even unheard of from time to time, but you are large, and you bless the world wherever you travel, wherever you walk, and wherever you work.

Personally, I’ve grown tired of blocks to the Divine while living in this body and participating in the human experience, so I decided to do away with the blocks and live in a place of love as much of the time as I can handle.  My goal is to permanently reside there.

Of course, big goals leave a lot of room for failure, but I prefer big goals. Beethoven wanted to create music that transceneded time.  In a way, he did create music that transcends time, though I’m sure this particular goal made him work harder than he imagined possible.  I am sure there are days he felt like a failure despite all the beauty he created.

My concentration is on the Divine light inside of me, and my purpose of living is to remind you of your light and connection.  Too often, we turn on and off our connection, but it is better to leave the light turned on.  Never turn it out.

Control:  As humans, we can only control our body and our mind.  These two areas take a lot of discipline to master.  We cannot control much more than this, and it is amusing (and frustrating) to try to control others or to watch others try to control others.  Master what you can control–yourself.  There is joy and peace in this practice.

You turn your light out with a focus on all that you don’t have in the physical world. 

Be Grateful:  Out-picture and believe in what you want and rejoice in all that you have.  Show your gratitude to the world in small and large ways, and you will be rewarded.   Make a long list of even small things that you enjoy about life.

I am grateful to have lungs that work, strong legs that take me many places, new friends, old friends, and nearly perfect vision to see many beautiful parts of this world.

I am grateful for the kind people in my life.  I’m grateful for the diligence of my online students this summer session.  Even though I would prefer to meet them at least once, I hope they are enjoying their freedom as much as I am enjoying mine.  I hope they get to spend more time with their families and friends and enjoy more vacations.  I hope they get more rest since they don’t have to commute in order to be in class.

I am grateful simply to be alive.  I am lucky to be alive after all the near misses, the two guns pointed at me (one in a robbery at a place I worked for and one on the sidewalk in Austin).  I’m lucky to have survived the anger and aggression of certain men who seemed to want me dead in the moment. I’m lucky to have a soft bed to rest my head, three square meals a day, toothpaste that tastes good, tons of books, and a sense of rhythm on the dance floor.

Choose to Love Others:  I’m lucky that I’ve chosen to love many times throughout my life, and I wish I had loved more fully more often. Though many teachers talk about loving the self—loving others is brave, risky, and a worthy journey.  To send your love out like a letter without a return address, like a messenger pigeon in the middle of a war, like a surrender flag—this is beautiful.  I’m not talking about need and lust—people are eventually turned off when you want something from them.  Love is something you give and give freely without a return address.  No expectations.  Love someone, and they don’t have to love you back. Love for the sake of love, for the beauty of love, for loves ability to change the world.

I remember when I first learned to walk again after my surgery and near death experience.  I was a vibrant twenty–two year old woman, exquisitely happy to be alive.  My light was fully, almost explosively, turned on.   Sometimes street lights even popped off when I walked under them.  I blew out watches within days, weeks, or months of having them on my wrist.  Time was blessed and not something to be managed down to the minute. Connecting with others and enjoying each moment is what mattered.

I walked down city streets of Austin and smiled into the eyes of everyone I passed.  Many people were so angry, upset, and disgusted with their lives that they scowled back in return. They were often overworked, unhappy, and unfulfilled.  They focused on all the burdens and bad luck that seemed to have come their way.  They were angry at others instead of simply being happy to be alive.  Joy and passion seemed far from their reach. Some women felt their value in society had decreased as they aged, and they were envious of my youth or perceived attractiveness.  They scoffed at my smile.   I promised myself to be a different type of woman throughout my time on earth and decided to support all women no matter where they are in their journey or what physical form they jumped into for this merry-go-round trip around the sun.  Some men flirted with me when all I wanted to do was smile.  Some people were centered enough to receive my love and ecstatic, newborn-like joy as something worthy of a return smile.   Some people were sincerely curious why I was so happy and listened to my story with interest.   Some people felt that divinity brought me into their lives just at the right time–just as they lost a loved one or struggled with the recent loss of a loved one.  They believed that my story of the other side was part of their healing journey.

Accept the Love of Others:  Most people readily accept ecstatic joy in the eyes of an infant or toddler, a tiny being enthralled with the colors and wonders of this world.  Why, then, can’t we accept ecstatic joy from people of all ages and nationalities?  We are all travelers going in the same direction—eventually home.

Why not let your light shine right now?  Why not love the light you see in others whether they are at the beginning, middle, or end of their journey.  Why not love without censorship or discrimination?  Why not love?  Most of all, why not love yourself with a love than never ends?  Why not be healed?  Why not serve others in the best ways that you can?

National Poetry Month and Other Reflections

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 14 Comments

rilke

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

National Poetry Month:  To celebrate National Poetry Month, I’m posting “After the Wreck,” a poem published by the Binnacle in 2007 which is inspired from moments during my near death experience.  I’m also including a poem by Rilke from Book of Hours:  Love Poems to God which I adore.

Writing on Morphine:  I wanted to document my NDE as soon as I possibly could.  I stayed in ICU for a few days after surgery, but once I was moved to a hospital room, I asked for a pen and paper. My surgeon confirmed that I had died, but she didn’t feel inclined to talk about the spiritual experience with me.  The nurses were a bit more willing to listen to my experience but most seemed busy and hurried.  Some people only nodded and looked at me strangely when I wanted to talk about the powerful experience of being in God’s presence.

While in the hospital bed and hooked up to a morphine drip, my greatest fear was that I might forget those beautiful moments outside my body. The pain and disorientation made it difficult to write in a straight line, and the words bled down the page.  I persisted in the hope that a few lines would be salvageable and used later. The lines about the angels in this poem were lines I wrote days after the experience.

Memory:  To this day, I remember the vividness of the angels, the light, and the love from the divine intensely.  I’ve never forgotten the experience and the images.  What faded a bit were the direct messages given to me by light.  I remember a lot of what was communicated, but the information flowed into my spirit body so quickly that it was difficult to slow down the information and remember it as specific words.  Mainly, I knew that I had immediately and forever changed in that moment.

Outside of my body, I remember feeling slightly worried for my body as I looked down at the operating table, wondering if I would walk or run again.  The angels assured me that I would have complete healing.  In fact, they assisted in that healing, and my questions were answered not only with information but with demonstration.

Trauma and Forgetting the Beauty of the Light:  I have not forgotten the NDE in the way some dreams are forgotten, but there are times in life when the material world, when trauma, or when stress has overwhelmed me.  When overwhelmed and burdened by life, I can forget the beauty of that moment.  The memory though remains incredibly vivid.

Certainly, the actions of others have startled me, shocked me, and sometimes horrified me.  In my memoir, Healed, I write about being harassed by friend in a writer’s group, raped while living overseas, and beaten up by my first husband.  I thought my life after experiencing an NDE would be pure bliss, and I would live a protected, purely pleasurable life.  This was not my experience, and I wasn’t prepared to write about these traumatic moments until years later. Though I had greater moments of intuition after the NDE, I didn’t always know how to trust or use this intuition.  In those first years after the experience, I also had an almost child-like openness, trust, and belief in others and that trust sometimes put me in close contact with desperate people.

Service and Healing:  When I examine all my experiences together, these experiences sometimes seem like more than one person should have to endure.  However, I have survived and thrived, and I realize others have endured far worse events. Perhaps part of my legacy is to experience the horrors that many women have experienced and to report that what remains after harm has taken its best shot at me is light and hope.  I heard Matt Kahn say something similar about harm in his latest video, and this idea seems accurate to me.  What also remains after the harm is a deep desire to heal myself and to help others heal.  At certain times, I certainly forgot the light and its message.  At other times, I became angry at God on this journey, but I always came back to the belief that I should help others and should remind others of their connection to a loving, forgiving source.

Self-absorption and all too human wishes and desires vanish the moment I ask my students about their lives or when I am of service to others somewhere in this world.  There is no greater way to make the world a better place than to offer help or kindness.  We are freed of ourselves in those moments.  Who knew that freedom from the self would feel so wonderful?  It does though.

AFTER THE WRECK

How could I know that the world would have compassion

and that at the moment of impact my back would crack,

 

but I would retain the sensation of this body, first floating

away from it, then returning, silvered and open-mouthed

 

like a fish caught on the hook of a reoccurring dream,

struggling, flapping about, and jerked up to the surface

 

of a room full of florescence, tiny desires to survive

pulsing through my body in rivulets?

 

How could I know that the angels I recalled from paintings

would become bright, intelligent companions at the end of my bed

 

and that the torrential light from their eyes would answer my questions instantly?

How could I know that this peace would disintegrate like ice chips

 

in my mouth and this calming knowledge would drown in refills of morphine.

How could I know that I would forget specifics in the way we forget dreams?

—Tricia Barker

In these bodies, we are often anxious, but I love how Rilke reminds us that God is around us and in us from the beginning.  Certainly, the light on the other side of this life felt familiar. This light is the same light we have in our eyes as infants, and the same light that comes for us at the time of our death.

I am, You Anxious One

I am, you anxious one.

Don’t you sense me, ready to break

into being at your touch?

My murmurings surround you like shadowy wings.

Can’t you see me standing before you

cloaked in stillness?

Hasn’t my longing ripened in you

from the beginning

as fruit ripens on a branch?

 

I am the dream you are dreaming.

When you want to awaken, I am waiting.

I grow strong in the beauty you behold.

And with the silence of stars I enfold

your cities made by time.

–R.M. Rilke

Healing to Transform Anxiety, Physical Pain, and Heart Pain

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 4 Comments

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Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Addressing Anxiety:  In class today, one of my students decided to focus his research paper on connections between technology and anxiety.  Many other students chimed in, talking about how anxiety is one of their biggest struggles.  I assured them that I understood completely, and I know that anxiety plagues countless people.  Research has taught me that students perform better on tests and write better essays when they are confident and not anxious.  I encourage my students to get plenty of rest and to try to have fun writing their essays.  There is always a way to make the writing process more enjoyable.

In general, we perform better in our lives with less anxiety and more belief in ourselves.  We talked about all the common ways to address anxiety such as exercise, eating well, and taking care of the body.  Since I felt no fear or anxiety during my NDE, I believe that being more in touch with our inner self and believing in angelic assistance/the divine is a way to expel anxiety from our lives.  The closer we are to our source, the less there is to worry about.

Research also shows that mindfulness meditation reduces anxiety. There are many ways to meditate, and if you like to focus on an image or a statement while meditating here is an image that I find helpful for dispelling anxiety.

Dispelling Anxiety Meditation:  Take several deep breaths and imagine becoming stronger and more grounded with each out-breath.  All the many directions that your mind can take, slow down into one moment with each breath.

After several calming breaths, imagine a white, loving light above your head.  As you breathe out, imagine that a very large feather is sweeping out all the debris from your mind and body.  All text messages, all thoughts, all plans, all the things you think you must do are swept away.  You do not have to worry about the future or mourn the past in this moment.  You are completely pure and clean.  There is nothing to fear.

There is no room for anxiety, just expansiveness.  If negativity or anxiety continue to pop into your mind, keep imagining the large feather sweeping away all fears and troubles.  Keep breathing until you are relaxed, and know that you are free and safe.

Addressing Physical Pain:  For many years after my accident I was lucky and ran races and felt little or no physical back pain. The last five years, I have dealt with neck and lower back pain.  The journey to find a way out of pain has been a long one, but one component that has helped a lot is my own belief in the power of angels to heal us.  I saw the angels work on my back while outside of my body, and I know I can call on them to continue to work on me.  Each person is different, and there may not be one way that works for everyone.  No matter if you find eventual relief from pain through traditional medicine, functional medicine, alternative healers, prayer, or your own healing power, deep breathing and meditation can be a great added component to your healing journey.

Healing the Cause of Physical Pain Meditation:  Take several long breaths to ground yourself.  With each out breath, picture your body as a receptive vessel, empty and ready to be filled with the intelligent, healing light of the angels.  Let every breath immediately transform your body, healing you in ways you didn’t know you needed healing.  Believe in instant healing, even if the completion of this healing takes months to fully manifest.  Believe healing begins now by loving yourself enough to open yourself to this possibility.

You might repeat the line, “I inhale and open completely to the healing light of angels” if this helps you focus on being completely receptive to healing.  Even if relief is only found with each in-breath, know that you are making progress toward healing.  The key is being completely empty with a very long out-breath.  At the end of that breath, you are completely empty and completely ready to be filled with the healing light of angels.

Side note: Because I am American and a rebel, I don’t always meditate in traditional ways.  For this meditation, I lie on my stomach and try to duplicate a massage table with pillows.  Since I was positioned face down during back surgery, it is easier for me to experience profound healing from angels while in this position.  Maybe you must decide what position is best for your healing.  There is nothing wrong with sitting in a traditional pose, but when it comes to pain creative measures sometimes take precedence over traditions.

Healing Heart Pain:  Over the years, many of my students have written narrative essays in English 1301 about a first heartbreak.  Usually, the story is one of a first love who cheated or broke their trust with unexpected violence.  People feel a need to share the ways they have been hurt and wronged in the hopes of someone understanding their pain and lessening this pain somehow.  I see these students as becoming more beautiful because of their stories of heartbreak.  My stories of heartbreak allow me to empathize with my students, and they are able to care for one another because of their experiences.

I have discovered a meditation/writing exercise that can help heal some of this pain rather quickly.  Switching to a place of hope and joy is an easy way out of pain.  What is lost is lost, but there is still a world to gain—a world of great possibilities.

Meditation or Writing Exercise to Help Heal Heart Pain:  The heart needs a home, so imagine a perfect home for your heart.  Maybe your heart’s home is a crystal palace or a warm cabin with a fireplace.  Imagine a home that is the best possible home for your heart.  Your heart can never be trampled or disappointed in this place.  Your heart is protected.  You can either imagine this perfect home for your heart and reside there for several breaths, or you can write about a home for your heart.

This is not the time to invite anyone into the home for your heart.  This is a time to simply be safe and imagine who is worthy of being invited in later.  No one can take this home away from your heart.  You are safe.

For the Future:  I would like to make a few meditation videos with Solfeggio frequencies to address anxiety, physical pain, and emotional pain in deeper ways.  I hope that the ideas or images might be of benefit to anyone who tries the exercises.  Here is a meditation video with unknown angels.