Have you ever had an interaction with someone who you believe was an angel in human form? Post your stories beneath the video. I would love to hear from you. May you be blessed!
Update on 1/19/19: My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories. I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.
Update 1/19/19: My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories. I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.
I’ve written about harassment, stalking, and rape before, but with everything in the news from the recent Time article about silence breakers, I wanted to address these topics again, and ultimately from the perspective of healing, both personally and socially.
I had a slightly different experience from some older near-death experiencers because I returned to the body of a woman in her early twenties. Navigating this culture and another culture in South Korea proved challenging.
However, in the end, we are not defined by what we experience but by how we overcome these moments, how dedicated we are to focusing on creating a brighter future for ourselves despite the harrowing aftereffects, and how we are able to help other heal. I also believe we all–male and female—have a responsibility to create safer power structures.
My healing came from group therapy, many types of therapies and healing modalities, many types of self-defense classes, community, helping others, energetic healing, meditation, yoga, writing, speaking about these topics, safe relationships, and time spent creating many beautiful, peaceful moments.
Ultimately, the near-death experience and the beauty of that event returned to me fully, but there were some dark years of living with some of the aftereffects of harassment, stalking and rape when I all I could do was survive.
I believe that love is a transformer of darkness in society. I found a way to love all the many students I met who suffered in ways similar to me or in much more horrifying ways. Supporting them in the ways I wanted to be supported made me feel as if I was working to create a better world. In the end, isn’t that what we are trying to do on a soul level–create greater connection, greater understanding, and greater healing for everyone?
I reiterate time and time again that no victim is ever required to formally forgive, engage with, or talk with anyone who has harmed them, but it is also important to let go and focus one’s energy and time on goals, dreams, and beauty in the world. Writing helps me let go of these moments even more.
It is no longer just my story. As I am connected to countless stories from my students and may have worked to eliminate some of their sorrow, or at least pointed them in the direction of a brighter future, anyone who reads my story also helps me let go even more. You lessen my burden. You help me carry it, and set me a little freer.
I know our spirits long to fly. Our spirits do not identify with this form–the PTSD or the pain. We are the love that we give.
Update 1/19/19: My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories. I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.
Life-Review: One of the common experiences during a near-death experience is a brief or extended cinematic view of one’s life. Seeing our connection to others and seeing life through the vision of another person is a powerful lesson. During my life review, I saw into the hearts and minds of people I had not known very well. In life, I had judged them as not particularly interesting for a variety of superficial reasons. During my life review, I clearly witnessed that a good heart and spiritual connection made these people very beautiful and precious to God.
I learned from that one scene in my life review to connect more frequently with people around me and to see people’s hearts, not their outward appearances, their accomplishments, their money, their charisma, etc. For instance, wealth can be a tool to bring more goodness and prosperity to many people, or it can be used to use and manipulate others. There is nothing negative about accomplishments, money, or power, but the heart matters more. Just like the line in the song “Desperado,” it is important to remember that “The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.” The same applies for the King of Hearts.
My life review was quick and zeroed in only on what I should learn and what I could do better in life. I judged myself and my actions mainly because I could see into the hearts and minds of others and observed my limited thinking. God seemed to be guiding this life review and let me feel what I needed to feel from these scenes. I understood that people I had written off had love and concern for my well-being, and I wished that I had been more open and kinder to them both in my thoughts and in my actions. I saw that God sees our hearts much more than anything else.
According to the website www.nderf.com, there are four categories of life review descriptions. “NDErs categorized them based on 1) how the life review physically happened; 2) content; 3) aftereffects; and 4) other. Many described the life review like a re-run of a play, a film, or watching it on-screen. Others commented on the content of the life review. NDErs generally noted that they were the ones who judged themselves. During the process, they saw the good, the bad, and cause and effect of their choices. Many reported that they had a review of feelings, rather than a review of events. Some say that their review consisted of feeling others reactions to their earthly actions. The other large category were the aftereffects. Not only did participants state that it was important to love and help others, but they also indicated that their relationship with God/Jesus was more important to them. NDErs appreciated life more, and stated that it was important to have a sense of purpose. The smallest category was ‘other’ in which NDErs reported not learning anything or they had a life review but couldn’t remember it.” (Quote taken from www.nderf.com)
Throughout my life since the NDE, I have tried to be more open and supportive of others. I don’t judge people in the same, superficial ways that I once did. We all are works in progress, but I know that lesson was catered especially for me at that time in my life. Young people can be overly concerned with fads, fashions, musical tastes, literature, and sub-cultures in a way that doesn’t matter as much as we get older.
The heart, however, is the gem, the treasure, the best bet.
When Carl Jung asked Chief Mountain Lake why he thought all white people are mad, Mountain Lake replied, ‘They say they think with their heads.’ “’Why of course, says Jung, ‘What do you think with?’ “’We think here,’ says Chief Mountain Lake, indicating his heart.
Let us all think more frequently with our hearts.
We are all part of love and all part of God. We are all capable of living as love and the light of God which knows that it is always safe, eternal, and free no matter what is occurring on the physical, three-dimensional plane.
I know that the minute I left form, I forgave everything and everyone instantly. Pain is contained in our stories and in this physical realm, but we do not have to wait to find freedom only in death. Freedom can be found through walking in faith and practicing forgiveness. The concept of faith seems simple, just as forgiveness does, but these feats are heroic. To step into the unknown and believe that God will meet us at every step requires the courage of a seer who has lost sight of the future. To be beaten down at every turn and still have faith, requires the strength of a warrior. To be betrayed, abused, neglected, wounded, and abandoned and to forgive, so that one’s own life might grow bright again, requires a terrifying amount of strength.
For many NDErs, our mission (whether to work as ministers, teachers, healers, speakers, writers, or simply to walk through this world as love) is mainly to do our best to hold on to the memory and energy of God’s love and show others how to access this love of God. That is what God showed me when God told me that my purpose would be to teach and remind others of their light. Our connection to God’s love is aptly symbolized through light because light makes things clearer.
We can all access love, healing, and peace at any time. Anyone can have a mission focused on love. All it requires is communion and faith in the most loving force imaginable, a love that we all need more of in our lives.
The more often I hold on to the energy and love of God, the more often I can help others access this love. As a teacher, there were so many times that I couldn’t believe that it took so little effort on my part to open a student’s heart. All I had to do was see any one of my students– really see them, witness their struggle, and then offer some hope, not a ton of hope either, just a thread. It takes so little effort to be kind to others, yet it makes such a major difference in the quality of their lives and our own.
Many NDErs feel disheartened about returning to form because too often people do not go out of their way to be kind. Navigating a world of people in great pain who have forgotten their connection to light is a tough hike. Still, I am glad that God sent me back against my wishes. I may have suffered, I may have cried on this journey back in form, but I have stayed determined to keep pushing forward, to keep believing in the beauty of a higher calling–a calling which forces me to remember and to teach what love truly is. Love brings us great peace and moments of knowing that we are perfect just as we are.
The Love of God: One of the most shocking experiences of my near-death experience was feeling the love of God. This love of God accepted me exactly as I was—all my thoughts and feelings. I did not have to change my thoughts to please God. I did not have to worry about whether God liked the look on my face or my interpretations of the world.
God loved me infinitely just as I am. I didn’t have to change or pretend in any way. God didn’t call me names, hit me, lock me in a closet, or invalidate anything about me. God loved me without end. I felt completely supported and without a single worry, experiencing only bliss, peace, and deep understanding. God immediately forgave me for all self-harm and showed me how to love myself more deeply. God did not make me relive or see any of the abuse I had survived in life. I had never known a love like this growing up or what it felt like to be supported.
One of the most common attributes of a narcissistic father or mother is the inability to understand or care about their child’s thoughts and feelings. This parent is not able to validate their child’s feelings as real or important. Empathy is simply out of the question. If the child of a narcissist expresses displeasure with a parent, the parent will often explode with fury, threaten, storm, or rage. The parent might become violent, beating or confining her child or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse. Once the child is strong enough to fight back, coldness and verbal abuse are usually the tactics.
My Story: Growing up, anything that I thought or felt, especially if it was different from my mother, made her angry, withholding, cold, or critical. Often, this abuse was even spiritual in nature because she used the Bible as a reason to beat me.
However, Mom allowed and encouraged reading, so that was the way I could escape my lonely life. I read at a 12th grade level by second grade, and I devoured any book I could get my hands on in the library or garage sales, often fantasizing that I might be sent away to a boarding school or that I might magically encounter a nice couple who would mentor me.
In the isolation of my home as an only child in the country, Mom painstakingly taught me to worry about her sadness, her depression, her angry feelings about my dad, her physical complaints, and her thoughts about the world and everyone in it. She coached me on who to like in her family and who not to like in her family. If I liked someone she didn’t like, she rolled her eyes. If she stopped liking one of my few friend’s mothers, then I was told that I no longer liked this close friend of mine either. She taught me to be her counselor, her best friend, and her confidant. I pretended as best that I could to survive my childhood, but honestly, at best there were only fleeting moments of fun.
No one really witnessed the full extent of my mother’s abuse. My father was rarely there, and I’m an only child. When my father’s parents stopped by unannounced, mother made us hide in the closet to avoid them. They loved me so completely as their only grandchild, and she didn’t like it when I received that kind of adoration. I remember a moment when she argued with my grandmother that I didn’t need a toy that I wanted. My grandmother looked at her and said, “I want this child to know that we love her.” The moment felt powerful to me, and I remember feeling excited at the cash register. We didn’t see them as much after that moment.
Around Mom’s family, she controlled of the narrative and talked about everything she sacrificed for me. Mom certainly worked soul-crushing, blue-collar jobs to pay for my private Christian education through seventh grade. The problem is that I would have rather had more food, decent clothes, trips to the doctor, and a public education where there were more people in my class than three or four students. I longed for more socialization.
Mom presented herself as a loving, doting mother, but in private I felt sucked dry. She wanted me to make up for all the love she felt she didn’t receive from her own mother and her husband, but this scenario seemed a setup for a dramatic failure. When did I get my needs met? I don’t doubt that she feels that she loved me, but from my perspective most of what I experienced didn’t feel like love. I feel compassion for the young, lost woman who raised me, but my biggest lesson in life has been learning how to feel great compassion for myself.
Mom rarely considered my honest needs. Sometimes, I got lucky and wanted the same things that she wanted. We both enjoyed walks in nature, fresh fruit, and dogs as pets. We both enjoyed a few of the same movies, though my tastes eventually changed and different from her always meant wrong. For a few years in childhood, I experienced the bliss of owning a horse, and that freedom to ride fast and far away from my life meant everything to me.
Since Mom was all I knew of love, I thought love meant sacrificing every one of my feelings and ideas to make someone else feel a little better in their miserable life. When her mental illness took a turn for the worse when I was in high school, I realized that she needed help; however, she refused help from the people I told about her frequent suicide threats. There were many nights when she was alone with that pistol in her drawer, and when she threw the door open suddenly I always ran out of the house to put distance between us. I didn’t know if she was going to shoot me first before she shot herself, and that level of terror changed something within me.
Though I had good grades, I didn’t realize how broken I was emotionally by the time I left for college, and I had no idea how to work on healing. By the time I had my near-death experience my senior year of college, so much inside of me felt devastated and then in a single instant—-healed.
The near-death experience granted me a huge dose of optimism, love, and connection to God and angels. Immediately, I felt whole and alive inside, despite my wounded body. During my physical recovery Mom took care of me, and we got along better than ever before. She had remarried, changed jobs, and seemed much happier. I wish I could say that the near-death experience completely healed our relationship, but I can only say that the near-death experience eventually helped heal the gaping hole inside of me. We don’t choose our family, but we can choose supportive friends.
And, no matter what happened in life, I could always remember and return to what it felt like to be loved by God. No matter who validated me or didn’t validate me, that moment in the presence of God showed me my worth. I never knew that I was worthy of even an ounce of that love and consideration.
I’m sure my mother doesn’t realize she is worthy of that level of love. Her religious beliefs are ones that validate her narcissism and deep need to feel superior to others. In her mind, only she, and a few select others, know the “truth.” The way everyone else interprets the Bible and God is incorrect. She owns the market on being right as she stockpiles food and fears the apocalypse is around the corner. She’s been fearing that since the 1980’s. I wish she felt less fear and more connection to a loving God.
I’ve seen interviews with other near-death experiencers whose parents felt blessed to hear their stories of the afterlife. My mouth dropped open in amazement at what it might have felt like to have a mother who learned something from me. There were snippets of time when Mom understood the power of that love I experienced on the other side, but ultimately she tried to convince me that I had experienced a lie—tricks from the devil. How ridiculous! Most of my life with her felt like a trick, not love.
When To Tell Your Story: Many people wait until their abusive parents die before they talk openly about their experiences. Tony Robbins waited and describes deep love and forgiveness for his abusive mother. However, several others have decided to not have contact (or minimal/harmonious contact) with abusive, narcissistic parents and speak openly to help others come to the best, safest conclusion for their lives. I am enormously grateful to the work and teachings of Lisa A. Romano who speaks openly about her experiences and helps so many people.
The sooner people begin a healing process after surviving an abusive home, the sooner they can begin to heal and have healthier relationships. Abused children sometimes don’t have children of their own out of fear, but if they start healing work soon in life they realize how different they probably would be as parents than their own parents.
During my NDE, God told me to return and to work as a teacher. Since that time, I have been a mentor and caring person in the lives of many of my students who have survived abusive homes. Abuse of many varieties is all too common in family units. Telling a snippet of my story to students who were in pain allowed them to tell me what was occurring in their lives so that I could get help for them. One of the greatest gifts of pain is the ability to point others in the direction of healing.
I know that many spiritual people want to center love and peace in all situations, no matter how toxic their family members might be. For those who can do this, I honor that ability. I tried to do this with my mother, but I recently had a defining moment when I realized that my life, my health, my well-being, and my trip to the emergency room didn’t matter as much to her as the contents of her refrigerator. She endangered my life and did not care.
When I realized how little my life mattered to my mother, I knew I had to take a break from her. I don’t know the future, and I don’t know what healing might be possible in her life. Maybe a rebirth can occur and a different type of relationship between us can manifest, but this might also be the death of our relationship. I know people with childhoods like mine who haven’t spoken to their parents in ten years. All I know right now is that I want people to pray for her. I want other people to center love and peace in her life. I want her to know the love of God that I felt in the afterlife, and I want her to know that I wish our story was a different one.
Your story might offer a different outcome with a toxic family member. There might be a way for you to calmly listen to your family member and center kindness without putting yourself in danger. Your love might transform this person over time. I hope so, but if you decide not to have contact with someone in order to heal yourself from narcissistic abuse there are many support groups online and otherwise. Choose the sanctity and healing of your own life. Life isn’t a “who is the most spiritual contest.” In fact, if someone is playing that game, that person is probably a narcissist. Love who you can authentically love. Love is not torture; rather, it is easy as breathing when it is right.
I’ve heard it said by many people that the words “I am” are powerful words. Why not claim the best for yourself? I am the light, a transformer of darkness. I am lucky. I am the embodiment of love, peace, and goodwill. I am blessed, grateful, effulgent, healthy, free, and optimistic. I am washed clean by every rain, and made stronger with each sunrise.
Claim whatever positive traits you desire, even if you are in truth working toward these states of being. You’ll get there quicker by telling your subconscious what you want instead of what you don’t want.
Last week, I realized that someone, most likely movers from a moving company, stole my checks and other personal information. I was out of town when I realized my bank account had been drained, and the violation was shocking. I reached for equanimity in the middle of that storm, but I was shaken up and had to lean on others. Luckily, I realized that I have many supportive people all around me. Those who do not know how to be supportive have drifted out of my life, and I live in a calm, beautiful state of being.
Life simply couldn’t get any better. Why? Because I claimed it, focused on the good, and refused to let a demanding situation be anything other than it is—a place which connects me to others. Every trying circumstance in my life has allowed me to help others, and this will not different. I am a part of something greater than myself. Like a symphony, a storm, a comet, an eclipse, a thunderous herd of elk under bright moonlight, a floor of dancers with good rhythm and smiles, I am part of the flow of life and fully present for every moment of this ride back to the stars.
It is possible to walk into any situation free and happy. You can also walk out of any situation just as free and just as happy. You can walk away from rooms of discord, and walk into ones of peace, harmony, festivity, bliss, and sweetness.
Someone stole my identity. So what? They can have that old identity. They snatched the last of my troubles. They took the lingering remnants of my negativity. They stole my wounds and left me free and happy with a new bank card, a membership with LifeLock, greater happiness, and a new way of looking at this amazing world.
Though I have learned to be more protective of myself and others, I have also learned to let go of pain that isn’t my own and doesn’t serve me. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, but many extraordinary, uplifting, miraculous, fortuitous things happen to good people as well.
What if you didn’t worry about limits or restrictions? What if you could dance around doubts and jump over boundaries with grace? What if you gave your best effort and didn’t care about the results?
What if your cultural conditioning led you to all the wrong destinations and situations, and I told you that you could dive into the unknown, break through your current circumstances, and glide, possibly even jitterbug, around obstacles?
What if you could easily stop doing things that stifle your potential and create your own way of living? What if you could stop suffering by accepting everything as it is, but also by shifting into the energy of creation of what you want?
What if I told you that the person, place, or situation that you keep banging your head against will never change? You and your actions are the only thing that can change. What if I told you it is o.k. that you have made the same mistake countless times, but you don’t have to make the same one this time?
The past is the past, but you can walk into the world now as if you are entering the greatest race of your life. You can bet all of your money on yourself. Whatever the outcome, you are going to run your heart out and get closer to your destination than if you stay stuck in fear.
On the other side of fear is freedom. On the other side of the dark, cavernous, unknown places we must traverse to get where we want to go is a great, new beauty.
Your soul has markers, breakers, and when you swim out beyond where you have gone before the sunlight is brighter and the landscape is different. You emerge with a glow, with an undeniable, intangible, distinctive quality.
Your ego is the right size, but your aura is huge. Your smile gleams in the nighttime, and there is no doubt that the other side is on your side.
People often ask me about how to find optimism or how to anchor love in a world full of tragedy and horrifying acts. I am stunned sometimes myself by life because I am human and vulnerable like everyone else. I only know with certainty that we do not take the pain with us. We only take the love. That tells me that when something unthinkable happens; for instance, when your friend’s daughter or son has been murdered, you must be the one to be willing to do anything to help your friend grieve and feel more loved. You become the love that works to counter unthinkable tragedies.
You cry and grieve with your friend. You stay there even when your friend pushes you away. You remind him or her that grief is necessary and takes a long time to process. You tell your friend to join a support group of other grieving parents. You tell him or her to reach out and comfort others, so that you friend will be reminded how we are all connected. You tell your friend to keep doing loving things for himself or herself even though the grief is so intense that he or she can’t even taste the food or hear the music. Eventually, a little joy will break through. Going through the pain is the only way to slowly get out of it.
Connection and helping others is one of the most profound gifts we can give ourselves. On days, when I could barely get up all the floor for all the grief I carried inside of me, I know my grief evaporated from 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. when I was surrounded by the joy, confusion, pain, anger, silliness, happiness, and grief of my students. Solving one of their problems, or even just being a present, caring witness to their pain, made me feel that my life was of value and not random or meaningless. Look to God for the strength that you feel that you don’t have at certain times.
People often ask me about why someone they know or barely know would threaten or terrorize them. For that question, I want to use the wise words of a friend and energy worker who works for the greater good of this world.
He says that, “Each time someone threatens or terrorizes, they are working with the opposite of love, and no good will come from this state of being to the person making the threats. These people’s minds are horribly confused and fearful, and there is no respect for the existence and goodness in others.”
I think it is also important to realize that what terrorizers say is not the truth and only a reflection of their own darkness and pain. As sensitive beings, we can internalize these attacks and wonder if there is any truth to their words, but there isn’t. There is no truth in darkness, and there is no eternal quality to hate.
My friend goes on to say that, “….to be effective as a healer and actually work for the greater good, and have energy flow from ascended masters, angels, and the Divine Feminine, you need to come from a place of unconditional love. This means you need to ask for help in stepping away from the ego. You work for universal and unconditional love. Viewing the self through the lens of unconditional love empowers your work and elevates you tremendously, and your abilities increase exponentially.”
Sometimes, we simply learn how to help heal others who have been terrorized in the ways we have been terrorized. We bring in that unconditional love for ourselves until we are free and we pass this love on to others.
People often ask me how they can help others and what they can do with their limited time and resources.
Years ago, I read the book 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life and decided to secretly (though not now) give gifts in one certain way for each month of the summer break. During the school year, I am busy helping students, but in the summer, I only teach online classes and have more time. This is a hot month in Texas, so my focus this month is on homeless people. I give whatever I can or have on me when I see a homeless person—usually I give money, but sometimes a water bottle, an extra pair of sunglasses, a smile or wave if I have nothing, an apple, a meal, my leftovers from a restaurant, and once I simply gave a man my prayer beads. I give a part of myself to every person I see on these hot streets; their faces are now etched into my mind. I am connected to them, instead of being completely separated behind the glass of my car window. What I am doing is not much; however, I know connection and helping others is where stories begin.
Years ago, I also read the book Same Kind of Different As Me which will soon be turned into a movie. The setting is Fort Worth, Texas, and the story is about a deeply religious woman dying of cancer and her wish that her husband mentor a homeless man. All three of their lives are transformed by this connection.
If you are stumped as to how to help others, you might simply begin by reading about all those who have helped others, and you might get some great ideas. Also, you might simply wait and listen. When someone says that they need something, try to provide it or guide them to the right resource.
Sometimes, simply listening and being fully present is a great gift, especially in a society where too many are glued to their phones, not grounded, and not present even for their loved ones. There are many organizations that need volunteers. You can find ways to help, and remember that the people who you connect with are where the stories begin. Design an amazing story for your life. The greater the love, the better the story.
Although I usually delete and block trolls on YouTube, sometimes I can’t keep up with the comments because I am too busy. During a layover on my flight home from a great vacation, I decided to respond before deleting these comments. I hope that my responses might make others who are putting themselves out there in the public sphere feel better.
GMan IV writes,
“why would you go to any church anyways? You been on the other side, what could you gain from any church? Be it Christian, Mulsum, New Age or whatever. Plus why are you so “nice” not to offend anyone? Why dont you blast these religions and tell poeple No there is no Jesus that you must believe on or else you will Burn forever in Hell or No there is no Allah where a woman must dress from head to toe even in the 120 degree desert and there are no 30 virgins waiting to greet you when you die. What good of a TEACHER are you to just sugar coat everything and not tell people the TRUTH but allow them to continue on in their silly worldy view of religion and God? I thought you came back to TEACH humanity???”
Dear GMan IV,
The Dali Lama says kindness is his religion. Amma says love is her religion. I say do whatever it takes to give yourself and this world more loving kindness. If church helps you become a kinder, more compassionate person—go there. If dancing in the forest and making organic popsicles makes you a kinder person—do that. If my YouTube videos make you angry and make you want to blast me, find something that gives you peace brother.
Find something that makes you want to spread kindness…it matters more than you realize. You get to feel the perspectives of others in your life review, so you should spend your time trying to uplift others. Create moments filled with love for yourself and others.
As a side note, I do believe in Jesus, and heard the words, “Be like a little child” coming from the light of God. My problem with some Christian churches is the fear and judgment that is often emphasized. Love is all that matters and all that we take with us.
Additionally, if it is teaching that you so deeply desire, as luck would have it I happen to be an English professor. Please note that Muslim is not spelled “Mulsum,” and people is not spelled “poeple.” “Wordly” is an unusual spelling, and I’m not sure if you meant loquacious, verbose, circumlocutory, or prolix. Perhaps, you simply meant to type “worldly,” but in the context of your statement you might search for a more appropriate word like “limited” or “outdated.” Remember “You been” should be “You have been” or “You’ve been.”
To better understand the variety and nuances of world religions, you might consider reading books or even taking a course in comparative religion. Be sure to review apostrophe rules, and avoid all caps. I appreciate your interest in near-death experiences. May you be blessed, and consider yourself schooled.
Sincerely,
Professor Barker
Getty’s Randomness writes,
‘Btw people confuse NDE’s with obe’s. Obe can happen and Satan/lucifer the angel of light. Can & does give people awesome experiences that are in fact life changing to mis lead & mis guide people with good hearts & good intent. he gives them very real experiences. if you have an exp & you come back & your not putting Jesus christ #1 in your life then your exp was from the angel of light. very real, yes but not from or jesus.”
Dear Mr. Randomness,
I think people must be afraid of what they haven’t experienced themselves and don’t understand. Shortly after my NDE, I was handed a pamphlet, much like what you are saying Mr. Randomness, and I laughed loudly. You see, I could feel the very energy and vibration of fear in this pamphlet even before I read the words.
The angry minister who wrote these words felt threatened by near-death experiencers, and he desperately wanted to discredit them. Their open-mindedness and inclusiveness of others didn’t jive with him. He preferred to sell limited world views, fear, fear, and a little more fear. The Bible was written by man, but the spirit of Jesus is a very modest, humble, loving, tender, gentle spirit. You might check out The Book of Q: The Original Sayings of Jesus. It is important to strip away interpretations of the Bible and meditate on the love of his messages. The message of love runs through many religions and teachings.
You can always talk yourself into a box and stay there by hating everyone and everything that challenges you, or you can open your mind and be o.k. with continually growing and learning.
I’m a fan of Jesus, but not a fan of churches or people who try to discredit the most amazing, life-altering moment of my life. I know it scares you to think that you may not have everything figured out, but take a deep breath and relax. As for my experience, I was dead, not dreaming. What I experienced was not an OBE or voodoo/hoodoo from Satan/The Angel of Light.
Though I don’t have everything figured out either, Mr. Randomness, I do know that I connected with the most powerful force imaginable—God. Every crevice of my soul was filled with the light of God. I wanted for nothing, and I didn’t want to return to this world full of darkness. However, God told me that I had to return and teach. I was instructed to remind others to live in the light and to spread this goodness across the earth.
My best advice for you is to open yourself to the love and light of God instead of engaging in YouTube squabbles. Jesus wants you to love your neighbor as yourself. First, you must learn to love yourself, so that you can love your neighbor and all those on those interacting in online environments. Jesus doesn’t want you to bully near-death experiencers. Please set an example of the love of Jesus with love, not with attack. May you be blessed.
Sincerely,
A Woman of the Light
Another YouTuber writes,
“Looks like she’s gained some weight since her last video a couple of months ago. She needs to work out and take care of her God-given temple.”
My Response:
Dear Troll,
First, camera angle is something that everyone should understand when snapping selfies or making a video. If the camera is eye-level, people will look much more like themselves. If the camera is positioned below them, they may end up looking like they have put on weight or have a double-chin. The camera was positioned way below the stage in that video.
Whatever though. I speak to give others comfort, not to participate in a runway show. One woman dying of cancer saw that particular video and communicated that it gave her peace about the dying process. She was a teacher like me, and she passed away recently. Offering hope to the terminally ill is one of the many reasons why I tell my story.
Secondly, I freakin’ love myself, even though I battle like the warrior that I am with thyroid disease, fibromyalgia, and anxiety. I love myself even when I have to teach eight classes and am pushing hard to revise a manuscript, leaving me little time to work out. Life is about harmony in the long run, not complete balance simultaneously. Sometimes, a person must sacrifice one portion of their life when they are working intensely in another area and that is fine.
Next time you comment on a woman’s appearance, consider the fact that she might have a terminal illness or might have suffered a miscarriage. Wouldn’t you feel bad if you made someone who is hurting feel even worse? I would like to protect that woman from your comments.
There will always be people who love me and those who talk badly about me, but I choose to feel good about myself constantly. I also know that having a bright soul can illuminate someone who is mostly skin and bones or several hundred pounds overweight. This body is something we should treat with great care, but a heart that doesn’t look at others with compassion is a heart in deep need of healing.
Troll, you need the love and light of God much more than the “perfect woman” you keep looking for and never finding in real time. If you do have a woman in your life, I am certain that you will not make her happy or make her love you more by cutting her down with your words.
Someday you will become frail, get sick, and die. You will shed your attachment to form and realize the truth of your journey.
I promise you, the truth of your journey is not to get on YouTube and troll and track people. You might actually create ripples of harm and have to examine this in your life review. I won’t take your words with me, but you will. You own them. Be careful what you say to others.
I’ll leave you with a poem by Lucille Clifton because her life force, her energy, her celebratory tone is something we all should embrace. We should all love ourselves this much. I know I do! May you be blessed, Troll!
Sincerely,
Fine Just as I Am
homage to my hips
these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don’t fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don’t like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!
Update on 1/19/19: My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories. I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.
I love the story of William Kamkwamba who was indeed a child starving to death in Malawi. Despite not being able to afford an education, he found a free book in a library in a language he didn’t know how to read. He used the diagrams to build a windmill which brought electricity to his parent’s home. People called him crazy as he gathered the parts from junkyards to build this windmill. He endured ridicule, but the strength of his spirit prevailed. He was noticed by his community once he generated electricity for his family’s home. A journalist wrote about him, and William Kambwamba eventually spoke at a TED event.
Kamkwamba got noticed because he tried and struggled against unbelievable odds.
Did he change his vibration or think positively? He did focus on what was possible with his limited resources. He used his energy to struggle against odds instead of being beaten down by them.
What if his experiment hadn’t worked? What if he died before the journalist found him? I would not think of him as someone who didn’t think positively enough. I would think that he tried his best to move his life and his society forward. Possibly, his efforts would have inspired someone else in his community to continue to focus on what is possible. We forget that collective perspectives and collective manifestations are at play. Individuals sometimes cannot breakthrough a collective force in exactly the manner they would like to break through.
I appreciate Cokie Robert’s description of how women in her generation were pioneers. They were the first ones to become journalists, surgeons, and politicians. Did they stop when they were not paid equally to male counterparts? Did they stop when they could barely make it on their salaries? Of course not. But, it is never easy to fight collective manifestations and societal norms. Cokie Roberts could have given up and said, “My society is unjust and doesn’t pay me for the same work equally.” Obviously, she pushed on and prevailed, and her net worth decades later might be significantly more than she imagined it might ever be when she was struggling. We marvel at what people do despite all the odds stacked against them.
Many people give up in the stage where things get hard. You are already starving…how are you going to find the energy to build a windmill? You are working two jobs and not getting child support from your husband. Your boss doesn’t pay you well for your work and pays your male counterparts more. Do you write, speak about your situation, bring attention to this problem to help other women who are struggling after a divorce and trying to succeed in male dominated fields?
Do any of these actions come from positive thinking or changing one’s vibration? Maybe, but action is the key. You must believe your efforts might reveal a brighter future to find the energy to work harder than you thought possible. Otherwise, you won’t put in the action.
Manifestation theories do not usually emphasize how difficult and frightening and hard it is to move from one situation to a better one. Day after day, you go to battle and you make such small progress that your goal hardly seems worth the struggle. You are tempted to give in, give up, take an easier route, but if you stick with it, time goes by in the midst of hard work. You look up and you suddenly have the degree you wanted. You have the job you wanted. You have a luxury car you spent close to two decades hoping to buy.
Positive thinking hasn’t taken throngs of people immediately out of welfare to riches, but it has given lots of people enough energy to work hard to change their lives. The occasional person hits the lottery, but most people have a story of late nights, tears, and sacrifice when they are chasing a dream.
I’m an educator, so the main way I witness lives transform is through education. Many of my students have families, health conditions, and full-time jobs. Though college isn’t the only way to manifest a dream, it is a good model. There are a lot of hoops to jump through. You must take classes you don’t enjoy, and get along with people you wish were not in power. Sometimes, you get lucky in the middle of all that work. You find inspiration or a skill set you didn’t know you possessed. You find a mentor and make the right connections.
Do you have to feel worthy enough to receive good grades? To a degree. You must advocate for yourself, use tutoring services when necessary, and ask questions of professors. You must be humble enough to know your weakness and find ways to strengthen these areas.
Egos that are too fragile can’t find a way to grow and learn. I’ve had students in my English classes who couldn’t write a single complete sentence. When one such student received a failing grade on her first essay, she yelled at me saying, “All my other English teachers told me I was a great writer. What is wrong with you?”
Very calmly, I point out that the first sentence of her essay was a fragment. The next sentence was a run-on sentence. The next sentence was so convoluted that I couldn’t ascertain its meaning. I rewrote these sentences and asked her to fix some of the others. I told her that I could help her become a better writer and succeed at community college. I offered to tutor her, but some egos prefer fantasy to reality. Other times, students react with humility, dig in, and learn all that needs to be learned. Is it unfair that the school this young woman attended failed her? Of course, it is, but she had choices. She could begin a somewhat painful learning process or she could live in denial.
In many areas of life, people stay in situations because they fear the work it would take to get where they want to go. Hard work is what isn’t emphasized enough in combination with positive thinking.
I had to believe in myself to apply for scholarships to college despite all the voices telling me that I shouldn’t try and I should just stay in that small town. I had to work hard to have the kind of grades worthy of receiving a scholarship, and I had to spend many long nights rewriting my scholarship essays instead of drinking beer at a party in a pasture. (Oh, East Texas…)
Did I visualize success? You bet I did. Did I do the work required for success? I did more than I thought possible, and there were so many scholarships that I didn’t receive despite my best efforts. However, I refused to give into despair, and at the latest possible hour the checks showed up in the mail; those scholarships made a difference on my journey.
Manifestation is more like that—you put in unbelievable hours of work. You believe in your own success, and you are eventually rewarded. Is it all that you dreamed it might be? Usually not, but at least you are going in the direction you wanted to go. Then, you enjoy yourself for a while and start working on what you want next. Some people focus more on the magic, the guidance, and visualization. Others focus more on the work. Most goals are accomplished because of some combination of both, but without doing the work you kind of look silly.
You don’t get muscles without lifting something. You might not go to the most expensive gym in town, but you are using your own body weight in floor exercises. You are lifting a hay bale or lifting something. Are some people more naturally athletic than others? Of course, but you change your body over time and what you change in your own life matters to you. Depression keeps people stagnant, so visualization can certainly help people find the energy to walk in the direction of a dream.
Remember….this human experience is about learning. Our limitations are not something we should judge or dislike; rather, they are the challenges that we learn how to rise above.
The idea of changing one’s thoughts/vibration is a worthy goal because we are more than our form. Outside of form during my near-death experience, I was limitless and this felt amazing. It was actually a bummer to return to my limitations, but I’m grateful I had that glimpse of what lies beyond my form.
The law of attraction and other types of teachings are trying to get people to be aware of and to exist (at least part of the time) beyond the limitations of their culture, personality, family of origin, repeated thought patterns, etc. Positive changes can occur when we learn to think differently, beginning in our energetic field and moving into our lives. But, action, purposeful and inspired, is what seems to manifest a different reality.
Tricia Barker 