Interview with Daniel Giroux: Love, Joy, and Healing

Daniel Giroux’s near-death experience takeaway can be summed up in a few words—love, joy, and healing.  Of course, each near-death experience has far-reaching aftereffects and often changes the experiencer’s life dramatically.  I hope you enjoy his story and the discussion afterwards about energy work. Daniel is a friend of mine and a mentor.  I feel blessed to have met him on this journey.

I am especially excited to share this conversation with you because Daniel and I both meditated before we talked, and we made an intention that our discussion might be of benefit to others.  I asked him to give me a reading at the end of the video because I have recently lost a dear friend and wanted more closure.  We didn’t film the rest of that reading because Daniel picked up on a very sensitive time in my life when my friend was there for me.  I recalled the moment vividly, and it made me realize that in one of my darkest times I had an empathetic friend beside me who felt my pain on a deep level and loved me through that moment.  Jokingly, my friend (who is enjoying the afterlife and flying free) asked for a bigger part in my manuscript, and he deserves it. I guess I have one more scene to write in a book that I thought was completed.  It wasn’t complete without one more scene of unconditional love.  We can never have too much of that in this world.

Just before posting this video, I thanked Daniel’s guide, and she sent me someone incredibly special. I heard Louise Hay tell me, “You did very well.  This is what the world needs more of—healing.”   I felt shocked to hear Louise Hay’s familiar voice, and I feel like I am walking on air tonight.  May you each be blessed with love and joy!

Here is Daniel’s blog if you would like to contact him.

Harassment, Stalking, and Rape Almost Destroyed the Beauty of a Near-Death Experience But in the Long Run Spirit and Love Wins

Update 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

I’ve written about harassment, stalking, and rape before, but with everything in the news from the recent Time article about silence breakers, I wanted to address these topics again, and ultimately from the perspective of healing, both personally and socially.

I had a slightly different experience from some older near-death experiencers because I returned to the body of a woman in her early twenties.  Navigating this culture and another culture in South Korea proved challenging.

However, in the end, we are not defined by what we experience but by how we overcome these moments, how dedicated we are to focusing on creating a brighter future for ourselves despite the harrowing aftereffects, and how we are able to help other heal.  I also believe we all–male and female—have a responsibility to create safer power structures.

My healing came from group therapy, many types of therapies and healing modalities, many types of self-defense classes, community, helping others, energetic healing, meditation, yoga, writing, speaking about these topics, safe relationships, and time spent creating many beautiful, peaceful moments.

Ultimately, the near-death experience and the beauty of that event returned to me fully, but there were some dark years of living with some of the aftereffects of harassment, stalking and rape when I all I could do was survive.

I believe that love is a transformer of darkness in society.  I found a way to love all the many students I met who suffered in ways similar to me or in much more horrifying ways.  Supporting them in the ways I wanted to be supported made me feel as if I was working to create a better world.   In the end, isn’t that what we are trying to do on a soul level–create greater connection, greater understanding, and greater healing for everyone?

I reiterate time and time again that no victim is ever required to formally forgive, engage with, or talk with anyone who has harmed them, but it is also important to let go and focus one’s energy and time on goals, dreams, and beauty in the world.  Writing helps me let go of these moments even more.

It is no longer just my story.  As I am connected to countless stories from my students and may have worked to eliminate some of their sorrow, or at least pointed them in the direction of a brighter future, anyone who reads my story also helps me let go even more.  You lessen my burden.  You help me carry it, and set me a little freer.

I know our spirits long to fly.  Our spirits do not identify with this form–the PTSD or the pain.  We are the love that we give.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.  My memoir does reflect on my suicide attempt and how the love of the afterlife later showed me how to bring more love and healing into my life.  I want to share that healing with others.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

With the holidays coming up soon, I thought it might be important to talk about depression and suicide and offer my perspective.  I know that many people who have survived abuse, neglect, or trauma in their families are often ostracized by these family members.  Holidays become all the more of a painful reminder of how alone they might feel in the world.  Those who are awakening and realizing spiritual truths that may transcend the perspectives of their family members might also feel some disconnection.

Whatever your situation might be during the holidays, I hope that you might treat yourself with great love and compassion during this time of year and through out the rest of the year.

I have a unique perspective on suicide because I viewed my suicide attempt while in the afterlife.  At the end of college, I had a profound near-death experience after a car wreck and was clinically dead for over two minutes during emergency spinal surgery.

During my life review, I saw my suicide attempt (which occurred a few months prior to my near-death experience) through the loving gaze of God. God had enormous love and compassion for me during this sad time in my life.  I felt completely supported by this loving force of God, and I could hear some of God’s thoughts about that time in my life.

When God viewed my suicide attempt, I felt that God wanted me to love myself more and know that I am deeply loved and supported by the universe, even when it does not seem that way.  God wanted me to place a high priority on my health and healing.   There were a myriad of choices available to me besides making an attempt on my life. I saw all these choices spin out around me as various light-filled paths.  I could have contacted friends, acquaintances, certain family members, called a hotline, looked for free or affordable resources through my university, searched for help at churches, or joined a recovery group.  There were many options I had besides the one that I picked in that moment.

At twenty-one, I did not know how to walk through the painful parts of my life, but if I reached out to others, I might have made a choice other than swallowing a ridiculous amount of painkillers and washing these painkillers down with a decanter of whiskey.  Amazingly, I woke up 36 hours later and realized that I had vomited, which probably saved my life.

At twenty-one, I didn’t realize that I could’ve tried new things I had never tried before.  Help might not have come from the people I wanted it to come from, but help and healing was available to me, and it is available to you too.  If you are suffering from a deep depression, keep walking through the pain and know that you are not alone on this journey, no matter how alone you might feel at the moment.  Find connection somewhere.

Through my life review, I saw that God also wanted me to be kind to others and ask them more questions about their lives.  An obsessive focus on myself led to greater depression and sadness.  Getting out of myself and listening to others would have brought more joy to their lives and to mine.

Suicidal plans and thoughts should be taken seriously.  If you are very close to taking your life, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  If you are not in the U.S., please look up a local or national hotline and talk with someone immediately.  Utilize all resources available to you, and reach out to someone you know who is a safe, caring person in your life.  If you are not suffering from depression but know someone who is, encourage this person to take healing, self-care, and therapy seriously.

If you suffer from depression but have energy to focus on your health and want to apply the deeply loving force of God to your own situation, I can offer you some ideas.  Every journey is an individual one, so please keep searching for what works for you.  These are only suggestions.

  1. Self-Love: Read everything you can get your hands on about self-love.  Louise Hay is a great resource with many mantras that might begin to change some of your negative thought patterns.  Ingest a daily diet of uplifting material—posts, podcasts, videos, and books.  I can personally recommend the book How to Love Yourself (And Sometimes Other People) by Lodro Rinzler and Meggan Watterson, especially if you struggle with romantic relationship difficulties.  Here is a blog post I have written about self-love.  Self-love is essential and necessary.  Too often we are much hard on ourselves when we could offer ourselves great compassion instead.
  2. Start a Healing Journey: Every healing journey is individual, but consider researching diets and supplements that can help your mood.  Reference books like Prescriptions for Natural Healing might be a place to begin.  Focus on simple healthy pleasures each day.  Exercise and get vitamin D.  Try new things.   Depending on your financial situation, invest in a therapist and try out various healing modalities.  Everything from eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) which might help with PTSD to energetic healing modalities might offer you relief.   Addressing subconscious blocks through modalities like Psych K can be beneficial. Even if you do not have the funds for some of these modalities, you might be able to trade with certain practitioners if you have skills in a certain area.  You can learn specific yoga moves or Tai Chi exercises online that can improve your mood.  You might also be able to learn more about healing modalities and practices, and find comfort in the talks and free information from healers.  Start with therapy and work outward in the directions that you are led.
  3. Commit to a Spiritual Practice: Commit to a support group, recovery group, spiritual practice, church, or gathering that makes you feel connected to love.  Do not go somewhere or stay somewhere where you feel judged and bogged down by the negativity of others.  During my near-death experience, I clearly saw that love is all that matters.  Go somewhere where you feel love, optimism, joy, and release from your struggles.  I highly recommend a meditation practice, but like a healing journey, a spiritual journey is an individual one.  I can only emphasize the importance of commitment and practice.  A spiritual practice is beneficial when you commit to it over the long haul and through the many ups and downs of life.
  4. Volunteer: There is usually someone who is less fortunate than you.  Even if you are in a dire position in life, you can volunteer at an organization that already helps you.  While volunteering, you might meet others and listen to them with love and with hope.   The point of volunteering is to do something to make the lives of others easier or better in some way.  As you give what you can give, your troubles lessen and you feel connected to a greater whole.  Like exercise or any other activity that we know is good for us but we resist, volunteering can have a profound effect on our consciousness.  When we feel useful or helpful, our self-esteem and self-concept changes for the better.  Mostly, we simply find joy in being connected to others versus suffering in isolation.  We are communal and need one another.  Find safe people and form bonds.  If you are too anxiety ridden to volunteer somewhere, then find a way to connect with others and do not suffer alone.
  5. Feel the Love of God: Take time in your day to imagine the force of God that near-death experiencers talk about with longing and love.  Try to imagine the most loving force on earth.  What would that feel like to you?  Write down what you would like God to be like for you and what you would like to feel from God right now.  Take those positive feelings and multiply them by 70 million.  Believe in this love as a reality and not a concept.  Close your eyes and imagine what this love would feel like.  Bring this love into every single one of your cells.  Fill your body with a glowing light that is the purest form of love imaginable.  This is your birthright and your true essence.  Know it.  Share it.  Believe it.
  6. Gratitude can rewire your brain:  Keep a gratitude journey and write down what you are grateful for each day.   Watch this Ted Talk and try some of the other suggestions at the end for creating more happiness in your life.  Hopefully, this speaker makes you chuckle a bit.  Laughter is one of my favorite medicines.

Nine Days of Only Raw Fruits and Vegetables: Following the Advice of the Medical Medium–Anthony William

spinach soup

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Nine days of only raw fruits and vegetables, and only nineteen more days to go…  Who in their right mind would give up amazing foods like goat cheese, eggs, salmon, wild rice, and chocolate for twenty-eight days?

Answer:  Someone who is desperate to cut the pain of fibromyalgia and Hashimotos thyroiditis.  I’m following the medical medium’s plan for a twenty-eight day cleanse.  Anthony William describes autoimmune diseases and the causes differently from the way the medical profession describes them.  In fact, he flat-out says, the body IS NOT attacking itself.  The body is overloaded with bacteria, fungus, viral infections, heavy metals, and other toxicities.

I’ve heard theories like this before.  I’m well-read when it comes to herbal medicine, Chinese medicine, and alternative medicine, so nothing he says in the book shocked me.  I’ve already given up corn, gluten, soy, artificial flavorings, artificial sweeteners, alcohol, and cut back on caffeine.  With my own muscle testing, I didn’t react well to whey protein or iron supplements, so I didn’t take these two things.  I’ve tried a vegan diet.  I’ve tried a Paleo diet.  I’m open to experimenting with food as a cure.  When I recovered from surgery after my NDE, I ate at least 80% fruit and vegetables every day thanks to my mom’s interest in health.  She was reading books like Fit for Life and Diet for a New America among others.  I healed remarkably well and quickly during that time and realized that raw fruits and vegetables can be very healing.

I was only shocked that the cleanse Anthony William suggests lasts twenty-eight days. Throughout my life, I’ve done lots of three day cleanses, seven day cleanses, and even one nine day Master Cleanse.   After today, I’m journeying into uncharted territory as I start day ten.

The first day of any cleanse is the toughest.  After that, you don’t really feel that hungry, and you only miss cooked food when you smell it or see others eating it.  Today, I desperately missed the crunch of bean chips, but the moment passed and I felt fine.

With any cleanse, there are moments of fatigue, but I look at these moments as moments of healing for the body.  It takes a lot of effort to reverse damage, and the body needs rest in order to right itself.  I’m trying to feast and not starve, so I’m making awesome blended soups and smoothies.  Avocado dressing has been a godsend for salads.

Autoimmune Disorders:  The medical profession seems lost when it comes to fibromyalgia.  I’ve watched doctors shrug and say they can’t offer me much advice.  I’m not interested in taking an antidepressant, and most doctors who are honest say that Cymbalta will have side-effects and not help fibromyalgia as much as light exercise and diet.

My thyroid condition (Hashimotos thyroiditis) was overlooked for four years because my thyroid numbers appeared fine on the tests.  Five years ago, I sent an MRI of my neck area to two family physicians and one specialist.  None of the three doctors bothered to tell me that the technician noted that my thyroid was swollen.  Finally, a chiropractor looked at the CD and told me to get my numbers checked one more time.  I hadn’t struggled with weight issues or fatigue, but by the time I got in to see my doctor and get a blood test, my numbers were out of control.  The doctor’s office called frantically, afraid I might be in danger of a Myxedema Coma.  I’ve had a long journey trying to balance my thyroid.

I’m not bashing doctors.  I’ll be forever grateful to my surgeon and honest doctors I’ve met over the years who’ve told me about supplements they personally take or their wives take.  However, the “mystery illnesses” like autoimmune disorders, Lyme disease, depression, migraines, PTSD, PMS, and adrenal fatigue are not handled well by the medical profession.

I do recommend the book Medical Medium by Anthony William.  He covers all the mystery illnesses and offers some hope.  The section on how to heal is my favorite section of the book.  I like a detailed eating plan, so I’m following his plan.

I’ll let you know how I feel at the end of the twenty-eight days.  The celery juice in the morning seems to be helping with gut issues.  It was gross as heck the first morning, but today, I added a little cucumber and enjoyed it.  The recipe for blended spinach soup (featured in the picture) is actually pretty good–garlic, cilantro, tomatoes, spinach and spices.

I hope for much healing and health for everyone!

(Update….I made a video two years after this blog was posted to update you on my healing journey with hashimotos hypothyroidism.  Thank you for all of your questions.  May you be blessed and receive much healing.)

Your Destiny is to Heal, Serve, and Love Unconditionally


You can have much greater happiness when you turn your attention and consciousness to the presence of God within you.

Believe in Your Divinity:  You are the divine spark.  You are blessed and more beautiful and expansive than you fully grasp.  Your power for good in this world is literally limitless because there is a part of you that is eternal, limitless, and timeless.

Sure, you feel small.  You feel barely heard or even unheard of from time to time, but you are large, and you bless the world wherever you travel, wherever you walk, and wherever you work.

Personally, I’ve grown tired of blocks to the Divine while living in this body and participating in the human experience, so I decided to do away with the blocks and live in a place of love as much of the time as I can handle.  My goal is to permanently reside there.

Of course, big goals leave a lot of room for failure, but I prefer big goals. Beethoven wanted to create music that transceneded time.  In a way, he did create music that transcends time, though I’m sure this particular goal made him work harder than he imagined possible.  I am sure there are days he felt like a failure despite all the beauty he created.

My concentration is on the Divine light inside of me, and my purpose of living is to remind you of your light and connection.  Too often, we turn on and off our connection, but it is better to leave the light turned on.  Never turn it out.

Control:  As humans, we can only control our body and our mind.  These two areas take a lot of discipline to master.  We cannot control much more than this, and it is amusing (and frustrating) to try to control others or to watch others try to control others.  Master what you can control–yourself.  There is joy and peace in this practice.

You turn your light out with a focus on all that you don’t have in the physical world. 

Be Grateful:  Out-picture and believe in what you want and rejoice in all that you have.  Show your gratitude to the world in small and large ways, and you will be rewarded.   Make a long list of even small things that you enjoy about life.

I am grateful to have lungs that work, strong legs that take me many places, new friends, old friends, and nearly perfect vision to see many beautiful parts of this world.  When I feel ungrateful, I imagine that I am a woman transported into my current life from the mid- 1800’s. A woman from the mid-1800’s would be amazed by the technology and all the great food stored in my freezer in pantry.  She would delight in the smells of my soaps and perfumes.  Most of all, she would breathe a sigh of relief and greatly appreciate the freedoms she has as a woman in this time period.  I still think she wouldn’t vote for Trump, but that is my opinion 🙂 She would walk around the grocery store overwhelmed and overjoyed by all the choices.  She would love my job, my clothes, my shoes.  She would love my life so much.

I am grateful for the kind people in my life.  I’m grateful for the diligence of my online students this summer session.  Even though I would prefer to meet them at least once, I hope they are enjoying their freedom as much as I am enjoying mine.  I hope they get to spend more time with their families and friends and enjoy more vacations.  I hope they get more rest since they don’t have to commute in order to be in class.

I am grateful simply to be alive.  I am lucky to be alive after all the near misses, the two guns pointed at me (one in a robbery at a place I worked for and one on the sidewalk in Austin).  I’m lucky to have survived the anger and aggression of certain men who seemed to want me dead in the moment. I’m lucky to have a soft bed to rest my head, three square meals a day, toothpaste that tastes good, tons of books, and a sense of rhythm on the dance floor.

Choose to Love Others:  I’m lucky that I’ve chosen to love many times throughout my life, and I wish I had loved more fully more often. Though many teachers talk about loving the self—loving others is brave, risky, and a worthy journey.  To send your love out like a letter without a return address, like a messenger pigeon in the middle of a war, like a surrender flag—this is beautiful.  I’m not talking about need and lust—people are eventually turned off when you want something from them.  Love is something you give and give freely without a return address.  No expectations.  Love someone, and they don’t have to love you back. Love for the sake of love, for the beauty of love, for loves ability to change the world.

I remember when I first learned to walk again after my surgery and near death experience.  I was a vibrant twenty–two year old woman, exquisitely happy to be alive.  My light was fully, almost explosively, turned on.   Sometimes street lights even popped off when I walked under them.  I blew out watches within days, weeks, or months of having them on my wrist.  Time was blessed and not something to be managed down to the minute. Connecting with others and enjoying each moment is what mattered.

I walked down city streets of Austin and smiled into the eyes of everyone I passed.  Many people were so angry, upset, and disgusted with their lives that they scowled back in return. They were often overworked, unhappy, and unfulfilled.  They focused on all the burdens and bad luck that seemed to have come their way.  They were angry at others instead of simply being happy to be alive.  Joy and passion seemed far from their reach. Some women felt their value in society had decreased as they aged, and they were envious of my youth or perceived attractiveness.  They scoffed at my smile.   I promised myself to be a different type of woman throughout my time on earth and decided to support all women no matter where they are in their journey or what physical form they jumped into for this merry-go-round trip around the sun.  Some men flirted with me when all I wanted to do was smile.  Some people were centered enough to receive my love and ecstatic, newborn-like joy as something worthy of a return smile.   Some people were sincerely curious why I was so happy and listened to my story with interest.   Some people felt that divinity brought me into their lives just at the right time–just as they lost a loved one or struggled with the recent loss of a loved one.  They believed that my story of the other side was part of their healing journey.

Accept the Love of Others:  Most people readily accept ecstatic joy in the eyes of an infant or toddler, a tiny being enthralled with the colors and wonders of this world.  Why, then, can’t we accept ecstatic joy from people of all ages and nationalities?  We are all travelers going in the same direction—eventually home.

Why not let your light shine right now?  Why not love the light you see in others whether they are at the beginning, middle, or end of their journey.  Why not love without censorship or discrimination?  Why not love?  Most of all, why not love yourself with a love than never ends?  Why not be healed?  Why not serve others in the best ways that you can?

National Poetry Month and Other Reflections


Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

National Poetry Month:  To celebrate National Poetry Month, I’m posting “After the Wreck,” a poem published by the Binnacle in 2007 which is inspired from moments during my near death experience.  I’m also including a poem by Rilke from Book of Hours:  Love Poems to God which I adore.

Writing on Morphine:  I wanted to document my NDE as soon as I possibly could.  I stayed in ICU for a few days after surgery, but once I was moved to a hospital room, I asked for a pen and paper. My surgeon confirmed that I had died, but she didn’t feel inclined to talk about the spiritual experience with me.  The nurses were a bit more willing to listen to my experience but most seemed busy and hurried.  Some people only nodded and looked at me strangely when I wanted to talk about the powerful experience of being in God’s presence.

While in the hospital bed and hooked up to a morphine drip, my greatest fear was that I might forget those beautiful moments outside my body. The pain and disorientation made it difficult to write in a straight line, and the words bled down the page.  I persisted in the hope that a few lines would be salvageable and used later. The lines about the angels in this poem were lines I wrote days after the experience.

Memory:  To this day, I remember the vividness of the angels, the light, and the love from the divine intensely.  I’ve never forgotten the experience and the images.  What faded a bit were the direct messages given to me by light.  I remember a lot of what was communicated, but the information flowed into my spirit body so quickly that it was difficult to slow down the information and remember it as specific words.  Mainly, I knew that I had immediately and forever changed in that moment.

Outside of my body, I remember feeling slightly worried for my body as I looked down at the operating table, wondering if I would walk or run again.  The angels assured me that I would have complete healing.  In fact, they assisted in that healing, and my questions were answered not only with information but with demonstration.

Trauma and Forgetting the Beauty of the Light:  I have not forgotten the NDE in the way some dreams are forgotten, but there are times in life when the material world, when trauma, or when stress has overwhelmed me.  When overwhelmed and burdened by life, I can forget the beauty of that moment.  The memory though remains incredibly vivid.

Certainly, the actions of others have startled me, shocked me, and sometimes horrified me.  In my memoir, Healed, I write about being harassed by friend in a writer’s group, raped while living overseas, and beaten up by my first husband.  I thought my life after experiencing an NDE would be pure bliss, and I would live a protected, purely pleasurable life.  This was not my experience, and I wasn’t prepared to write about these traumatic moments until years later. Though I had greater moments of intuition after the NDE, I didn’t always know how to trust or use this intuition.  In those first years after the experience, I also had an almost child-like openness, trust, and belief in others and that trust sometimes put me in close contact with desperate people.

Service and Healing:  When I examine all my experiences together, these experiences sometimes seem like more than one person should have to endure.  However, I have survived and thrived, and I realize others have endured far worse events. Perhaps part of my legacy is to experience the horrors that many women have experienced and to report that what remains after harm has taken its best shot at me is light and hope.  I heard Matt Kahn say something similar about harm in his latest video, and this idea seems accurate to me.  What also remains after the harm is a deep desire to heal myself and to help others heal.  At certain times, I certainly forgot the light and its message.  At other times, I became angry at God on this journey, but I always came back to the belief that I should help others and should remind others of their connection to a loving, forgiving source.

Self-absorption and all too human wishes and desires vanish the moment I ask my students about their lives or when I am of service to others somewhere in this world.  There is no greater way to make the world a better place than to offer help or kindness.  We are freed of ourselves in those moments.  Who knew that freedom from the self would feel so wonderful?  It does though.


How could I know that the world would have compassion

and that at the moment of impact my back would crack,


but I would retain the sensation of this body, first floating

away from it, then returning, silvered and open-mouthed


like a fish caught on the hook of a reoccurring dream,

struggling, flapping about, and jerked up to the surface


of a room full of florescence, tiny desires to survive

pulsing through my body in rivulets?


How could I know that the angels I recalled from paintings

would become bright, intelligent companions at the end of my bed


and that the torrential light from their eyes would answer my questions instantly?

How could I know that this peace would disintegrate like ice chips


in my mouth and this calming knowledge would drown in refills of morphine.

How could I know that I would forget specifics in the way we forget dreams?

—Tricia Barker

In these bodies, we are often anxious, but I love how Rilke reminds us that God is around us and in us from the beginning.  Certainly, the light on the other side of this life felt familiar. This light is the same light we have in our eyes as infants, and the same light that comes for us at the time of our death.

I am, You Anxious One

I am, you anxious one.

Don’t you sense me, ready to break

into being at your touch?

My murmurings surround you like shadowy wings.

Can’t you see me standing before you

cloaked in stillness?

Hasn’t my longing ripened in you

from the beginning

as fruit ripens on a branch?


I am the dream you are dreaming.

When you want to awaken, I am waiting.

I grow strong in the beauty you behold.

And with the silence of stars I enfold

your cities made by time.

–R.M. Rilke

Healing to Transform Anxiety, Physical Pain, and Heart Pain


Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Addressing Anxiety:  In class today, one of my students decided to focus his research paper on connections between technology and anxiety.  Many other students chimed in, talking about how anxiety is one of their biggest struggles.  I assured them that I understood completely, and I know that anxiety plagues countless people.  Research has taught me that students perform better on tests and write better essays when they are confident and not anxious.  I encourage my students to get plenty of rest and to try to have fun writing their essays.  There is always a way to make the writing process more enjoyable.

In general, we perform better in our lives with less anxiety and more belief in ourselves.  We talked about all the common ways to address anxiety such as exercise, eating well, and taking care of the body.  Since I felt no fear or anxiety during my NDE, I believe that being more in touch with our inner self and believing in angelic assistance/the divine is a way to expel anxiety from our lives.  The closer we are to our source, the less there is to worry about.

Research also shows that mindfulness meditation reduces anxiety. There are many ways to meditate, and if you like to focus on an image or a statement while meditating here is an image that I find helpful for dispelling anxiety.

Dispelling Anxiety Meditation:  Take several deep breaths and imagine becoming stronger and more grounded with each out-breath.  All the many directions that your mind can take, slow down into one moment with each breath.

After several calming breaths, imagine a white, loving light above your head.  As you breathe out, imagine that a very large feather is sweeping out all the debris from your mind and body.  All text messages, all thoughts, all plans, all the things you think you must do are swept away.  You do not have to worry about the future or mourn the past in this moment.  You are completely pure and clean.  There is nothing to fear.

There is no room for anxiety, just expansiveness.  If negativity or anxiety continue to pop into your mind, keep imagining the large feather sweeping away all fears and troubles.  Keep breathing until you are relaxed, and know that you are free and safe.

Addressing Physical Pain:  For many years after my accident I was lucky and ran races and felt little or no physical back pain. The last five years, I have dealt with neck and lower back pain.  The journey to find a way out of pain has been a long one, but one component that has helped a lot is my own belief in the power of angels to heal us.  I saw the angels work on my back while outside of my body, and I know I can call on them to continue to work on me.  Each person is different, and there may not be one way that works for everyone.  No matter if you find eventual relief from pain through traditional medicine, functional medicine, alternative healers, prayer, or your own healing power, deep breathing and meditation can be a great added component to your healing journey.

Healing the Cause of Physical Pain Meditation:  Take several long breaths to ground yourself.  With each out breath, picture your body as a receptive vessel, empty and ready to be filled with the intelligent, healing light of the angels.  Let every breath immediately transform your body, healing you in ways you didn’t know you needed healing.  Believe in instant healing, even if the completion of this healing takes months to fully manifest.  Believe healing begins now by loving yourself enough to open yourself to this possibility.

You might repeat the line, “I inhale and open completely to the healing light of angels” if this helps you focus on being completely receptive to healing.  Even if relief is only found with each in-breath, know that you are making progress toward healing.  The key is being completely empty with a very long out-breath.  At the end of that breath, you are completely empty and completely ready to be filled with the healing light of angels.

Side note: Because I am American and a rebel, I don’t always meditate in traditional ways.  For this meditation, I lie on my stomach and try to duplicate a massage table with pillows.  Since I was positioned face down during back surgery, it is easier for me to experience profound healing from angels while in this position.  Maybe you must decide what position is best for your healing.  There is nothing wrong with sitting in a traditional pose, but when it comes to pain creative measures sometimes take precedence over traditions.

Healing Heart Pain:  Over the years, many of my students have written narrative essays in English 1301 about a first heartbreak.  Usually, the story is one of a first love who cheated or broke their trust with unexpected violence.  People feel a need to share the ways they have been hurt and wronged in the hopes of someone understanding their pain and lessening this pain somehow.  I see these students as becoming more beautiful because of their stories of heartbreak.  My stories of heartbreak allow me to empathize with my students, and they are able to care for one another because of their experiences.

I have discovered a meditation/writing exercise that can help heal some of this pain rather quickly.  Switching to a place of hope and joy is an easy way out of pain.  What is lost is lost, but there is still a world to gain—a world of great possibilities.

Meditation or Writing Exercise to Help Heal Heart Pain:  The heart needs a home, so imagine a perfect home for your heart.  Maybe your heart’s home is a crystal palace or a warm cabin with a fireplace.  Imagine a home that is the best possible home for your heart.  Your heart can never be trampled or disappointed in this place.  Your heart is protected.  You can either imagine this perfect home for your heart and reside there for several breaths, or you can write about a home for your heart.

This is not the time to invite anyone into the home for your heart.  This is a time to simply be safe and imagine who is worthy of being invited in later.  No one can take this home away from your heart.  You are safe.

For the Future:  I would like to make a few meditation videos with Solfeggio frequencies to address anxiety, physical pain, and emotional pain in deeper ways.  I hope that the ideas or images might be of benefit to anyone who tries the exercises.  Here is a meditation video with unknown angels.