NDE

End of the Semester Reflections

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 16 Comments

loveyoubarker

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Outward Focus:  In a Ted Talk presentation, Adam Leipzig discusses how happier people are outward focused.  After a class reunion at Yale, Leipzig realized that even people with highly successful careers don’t feel the same level of happiness that others do who are clear about their intention to help others.  Teaching is a profession that has allowed me to be outward focused on a daily basis.  Even if the goal is only to improve students understanding of concepts and improve their critical thinking skills, teaching allows me to focus on others and for that I am immensely grateful. We are happier people in the moments we forget ourselves and live for others.

Many teachers have goals for their students beyond the basic concepts of their subject matter.  They hope to help others become more successful, more loving and connected to others, clearer about their goals and dreams, and more prepared to live a happy life of purpose themselves.  Perhaps the most important thing anyone can do after realizing what they are passionate about is deciding who they can help, entertain, or inspire with this passion. Taken further, Leipzig explains how it is important to think about what others need.

What Others Need: Before I started teaching, I thought about what I needed as a student and researched what other students from various backgrounds need.  As a student, I needed to be noticed.  I needed kindness, support, and structure.  I needed to expand my thinking and views of the world.  I needed inspiration. Sometimes, my students need to learn basic writing skills and to gain confidence as writers.  Sometimes, they need a clear path to success, healing from their past, or to expand their ideas and thinking about the world.  Sometimes, they simply need to be inspired to work harder and be more focused about what they want to accomplish.  Sometimes, they only need kindness, and they will figure the rest of their life’s journey out on their own or with the help of other mentors.

I am certain that I do not meet everyone’s needs as an instructor, but I took an oath to “Do no harm” before ever opening my mouth in a classroom, even as a student teacher at Stephen F. Austin High in Austin, Texas.  I saw every rebellious student as a gift.  Every angry student who I still occasionally encounter teaches me that fear and pain is what lies beneath the surface of anger.  Often, students who are angry have suffered a lot of abuse in their lives.  They have every right and reason to be angry, and if I am patient I am sometimes able to uncover this truth.  Although some students might prefer a different, style of teaching, I know that my students know my heart is in the right place.  My primary aim is to help students become more successful on any path of their choosing. I’ve taught long enough to see many of my students accomplish their goals, and there is little on this earth that gives me more happiness than their accomplishments.

The Light’s Last Message: Before my near death experience, I had very little interest in teaching.  When I returned to my body after my NDE and reflected on the fact that the last message given to me from the light was that I must return to earth and teach, I was not pleased.  I wanted a more lucrative career as a lawyer since I grew up poor.  My long-term plans weren’t final but attending U.T. Law School was a possibility; however, God had other plans for me.  If you meet God on the other side of this life and the last thing God tells you to do is to teach, is there really any other option?

After reflecting on my own history with teachers, I realized that I may not have applied for scholarships, applied to U.T. or believed in my potential if I hadn’t had a couple of supportive English teachers in high school.  I realized that their enthusiasm for their subject matter affected me in ways I didn’t realize at the time.  I read books I would have never found on my own, and my self-concept grew because of their ideas and lectures.

For years, I didn’t understand why the light commanded me to teach, but I followed these orders anyway.  I got my teaching certification and taught for four years in the public school system—junior high and high school, and I’ve taught at the college level ever since.   I’ve had so much fun on some days that I’m surprised they pay me at all.

Happy at Work: I have been extremely happy at work because I know why I teach.  I am not there for my ego or gratification; rather, I am there to help others, or at the very least to be kind and hopefully to inspire them to read more novels and enjoy the writing process a bit more.

Service work with my college students has been a rewarding experience.  For a moment in time, they experienced the joy that I feel working with them as they worked with elementary school kids.   Perhaps students who participate in service learning will be reminded that a life focused on others is a very good life indeed.

Many programs of recovery focus on service to others, and I don’t think this wisdom should be limited to recovery programs.  If everyone could realize that helping others is the quickest and surest way out of pain, we would all drop everything and look out into the world to see who we can help.  The mind all too often makes a “hell of heaven,” but when we get out of own mind and focus on the lives of others we can turn an actual world of “hell” into a “heaven” of connection and compassion.

 

Many Amazing Students:  I am humbled by the talent and passion of so many of my students.  One of my least favorite times of year is the time of year to give awards.  Though I love honoring particular students for their hard work, there are generally many deserving students and picking only one or two students to honor hurts my heart.  Often, the highest grade in a class is not the best indicator of who has learned the most and progressed the most.

I am impressed by how many of my students already have energy and passion to help the world.  They organize walks to bring awareness to issues such as suicide prevention, particular childhood diseases, or write stories which are a form of activism.  They have clear goals for their future and intend to help others long before entering my classroom.  They have energy, passion, and drive that reinvigorates my own drive and enthusiasm.  They are sometimes more like friends than students, and I miss them when the semester ends.  I am a lucky, lucky woman to have crossed paths with so many wonderful people.  The light certainly knew better than I did about the direction that my life should take. Teaching has been one of the brightest parts of my life, and I am grateful for all the students I have met over the years.

 

 

 

After-Death Communications

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 10 Comments

 

dad

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.  Part of my memoir discusses some of my after-death communications with my father.

Love is the Link:  Dr. Pamela M. Kircher has a section in her book Love is the Link about after-death communications, and she encourages others to talk about dreams or other communications with relatives as a way to comfort those who may not have had communications with deceased relatives but want this communication.  Like Kircher, I don’t understand why some people receive messages from deceased relatives and others do not, but I want to tell others who have lost someone close to them to believe in the possibility and to be patient.  There might be a moment in your life when you need comfort or protection in a profound way, and your loved one might come to you then.  Also, telling yourself each night that you are open to communication in a dream or otherwise might open up the channels of communication.

Preparing for a Loved One’s Death:  In 2008, my father was diagnosed with a large, grapefruit-sized Glioblastoma brain tumor.  He opted not to have brain surgery and to live out his remaining time as coherently as possible.  We joked around as we often did, watched television together, and ate a lot of Chinese food that first week.  Dad didn’t take morphine because he wanted to be able to talk with me when I showed up after teaching classes.  That semester was one of the hardest teaching semesters of my life.  I was scheduled to teach nine different college classes at three different campuses.  Luckily, I found a nursing home for dad near one of my campuses, so I saw him every evening and between classes when possible.  There were many days, I ran out of class early to cry, overwhelmed by loss but also grateful that that I had experience with death and could help my dad by reminding him of what I knew from the other side.  We talked about my near-death experience a few times, and he believed my stories of the light, assuring me that he had no fears about the dying process.

The Transition:  When Dad was moved to hospice and the chaplain preformed the last rites, Dad could barely lift his arm, but he made his best attempt to pretend to conduct an orchestra.  The chaplain seemed annoyed, but I knew Dad was trying to make the moment lighter for me.  He wanted me to remember his sense of humor and how little he feared death. When I left to get some sleep, I hoped I might see him the next morning.  Something about the look in his eyes told me that I might not see him alive again.  I kept my phone ringer on as loud as possible, hoping to be informed if the end was near.

Around midnight I fell asleep and almost immediately had a dream where my grandparents talked with me in calming, comforting ways, hovering somewhere above the ceiling.  They told me that they were with Dad and had been with him for the last two days, waiting for him.  They said they would be the ones to welcome him to the other side and would take good care of him and that I had done all I could for him.  I woke up feeling more peaceful than I had felt in a while and looked down at my phone.  I had three missed calls from hospice, and I realized immediately what this meant.  I wanted to be there at his time of passing, but I felt comforted that his parents were with him.  Their presence was warm and loving in the dream as it had been in life.

First Dream:  A few nights later, dad came to me in a dream with the light behind him.  He said he was given only a moment where he could tell me that he understood I did all I could do within my time constraints at work.  He assured me that he slept and rested most of the hours I could not be with him so that he could be alert when I showed up for visits.  This relieved my guilt about how little time I had with him on some days.  Dad didn’t have siblings or any family members that I knew about at the time, so there was no one else besides a few of his friends and neighbors who stopped by to be with him when I was not with him.

Life Review Differences:  In Pamela Kircher’s book Love is the Link she discusses the differences between the NDEs experienced by those in traumatic situations versus those who are terminal.  A life review is usually not part of the NDE for terminal patients; rather, they are comforted about the dying process and sometimes met by relatives.  A few months after his death, Dad came to me in another dream and assured me that he had a lot more still to learn and that he was busy understanding his role on earth and the implications of his life.  He made it evident that he would wait and watch out for me, even though he preferred to return and give this life another shot.  I wondered if the life review process is more intense after death.  Perhaps, in terminal patients the life review is saved for a more intensive examination after the completion of their life.  During my life review, I was shown how to be more loving and open while in this life.  Perhaps, given more time on the other side, I would have extensively examined my life and actions.  Mainly, I saw that helping others, being kind, being connected to the light/source were important elements in returning.

The idea that dad wanted to return and live out another life puzzled me.  I hadn’t given reincarnation much thought, other than remembering dreams I had of a possible past life when I was a child.  In those dreams, I lived in Boston and supported several of struggling artists in my later years of life.  That life set me up to encourage creativity in others.  In that previous life, I felt sadness that I didn’t pursue my own art.  One of the lessons in my current life seems to be how to balance supporting other creative young people while also working on my own writing.

When I moved to Boston for a travelling job teaching SAT prep courses and later for a year with my first husband, the city felt so familiar that I rarely needed to look at maps. I have other theories about why the city might have seemed familiar, but on some level it seems that reincarnation or memories of various lives are possible.

Specific Communications from the Beyond:  As time has gone on, I realize there is a lot that I do not understand about after death communications with my father.  On a couple of occasions, he has been right and warned me about various people, telling me that their actions will not match their words.  I don’t want to go into detail about these particular situations, but maybe as time goes on I will have a better understanding of how these after death communications are meant to be used in my life.   He has made it clear that others who have tried to tap into communications with him are not as clear as I am in my communications with him.  I realize that I can largely trust these communications, but my rational mind does occasionally wonder if these moments are only wishful thinking. However, certain specifics make me think that the communications are more than wishful thinking.

Testing the Information:  I know that I have been comforted and protected in a couple of instances by after death communications with dad.  I haven’t yet tried out these communications at the race track to see if Dad can give me winning horses.  During the last years of his life, dad enjoyed betting on horses and wasn’t bad at it either.  I’ll let you know if I have some luck with that or not.

Recommendations:  I recommend Dr. Kircher’s book, Love is the Link, especially if you are interested in the ways others have been comforted at the time of their deaths or stories of those who have received messages from loved ones after their deaths.  Part II of her book focuses on her work as a hospice physician.  This section includes stories of agnostics visited by Jesus, angry young people with terminal illness who experienced NDEs which helped them cope with their deaths, and many other interesting stories of people in hospice settings.  Dr. Pamela Kircher has the unique perspective of having experienced a NDE as a young child and living her life informed by this moment at a very young age.  I found her personal journey in Part I fascinating as well.

If you want to read my next post about after-death communications, click here.