Reflections

You Deserve Love and Positive Energy        

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 9 Comments

 silenceisn'tempty Too often, mental programs from our past tell us that we are not worthy of being loved fully.  We are not even aware of how much shame, anger, disappointment, and sadness we carry in relation to our choices, our pasts, our bodies, and the overall state of our lives.

The smallest exchange from many years ago can negatively shift how we think about ourselves.  We can hold on to a slight or wound which eventually settles into our bones in a permanent way.  However, the person involved who hurt or offended us may have meant very little by their words or actions and possibly may not have considered the effect on us at all.  These people might not be aware of their emotional abuse or they may have such deep insecurities of their own and not know how to behave rationally.

Most of our damaging mental programs began in childhood, but these settings can be adjusted with some attention and love. Our own wisdom and guidance can guide us to greater levels of awareness and awakening if we only give ourselves the gift of uninterrupted time and space.  It takes patience to look inside and pay attention to the intuition and wisdom working its way into our lives.

The more painful the situation, the more heroic the journey is when you go inward for healing instead of acting destructively outwardly.

Living in a culture that financially stretches most of us, a culture that pays little attention and offers so little hope of transformation to those who are traumatized and deeply suffering, is challenging and depressing.  Certainly, we need a loving connection to others through community, but beyond connection to others, we also need to know that that we each possess the ability to clear out the stress and pain in our own lives.  Negativity can accumulate quickly in our minds and systems, and deep love and care for your own well-being can be like a large waterfall of positive, clearing energy.

Have you ever observed someone close to you come home after a trying day at work?  Their tough day is over, yet this person simmers and stews in the energy and irritations of their day.  They do not realize that they are free and can drop that burden.  All the negativity of the day can be washed away without alcohol, overeating, binge watching television, etc.

Certainly, good habits like spending time in nature, exercising, and eating healthy foods can help reset your energy, but an intent to manifest a more positive state is crucial. Going within and opening yourself to a more positive state of being can reset everything.  Gravitating to messages of healing can also help you.

Perhaps, one of the keys to staying young is staying teachable and realizing that we all have much to learn through spiritual development and energetic changes.

Nothing screeches of old age more than the couch potato who knows it all and “it all is going to hell.”  Bullshit….everything is about to change miraculously.  Everything is about to become much more fun and entertaining—that is the mind of the child and the mind of someone who can manifest change and enjoyment from even simple moments in life.

Stress and pain can be washed away with the intent to become someone different.  We can choose what we desire from the world energetically and become that frequency.  If you want to feel love, send love to your heart, your mind, and every cell of your body. Don’t laugh this idea.  Try doing this in the middle of a moment of anxiety or pain, and see how you can transform yourself.  If you can’t love yourself in this way, how can anyone else offer you this love?

If you want to feel freedom, go stand in an open field and face down your fears like they are wild bulls running at you, and you have the power to stop them with one of your fingers.  You have the power to dance out of the way of the danger in your mind.  You can transform the tigers of your nightmares into sweet kittens.  If you want to let go of your anger, write a short story and kill your tormentors off or imagine them old with dementia. They’ll get there.  Imagine you are the one serving them dinner, and they don’t even know who you are.  Have compassion or simply be done with them.  Whatever the case, let go of the negativity!

Walk into the light of all that you want.  Stress can be washed away by realizing that a part of us is always renewable.  Of course, we have our genetic predispositions and our current circumstances, but we also have a powerhouse of unused potential.  We have a connection to guides and galaxies of possibility.

The simplest of moments can shift your life, and the energy you put into your efforts will eventually transform your life.  You are worthy of love, not disregard.  You are worthy of positive connections, not draining ones. You are worthy of your own love, so start there and look to the stars and heavens for blessings.

So few people look upward and wait for the answers.  Be one of the ones who is open and receptive.  Your dreams aren’t going to instantly materialize just from sitting in your backyard and looking at the moon, but that moment might reset your energy and allow you to start working toward what you want with a more positive version of yourself—a version that is open to vast amounts of goodness, love, and mercy every remaining day of your life.

Self-Love and Healing

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 3 Comments

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The journey of life is a beautiful and strange one, filled with joy and loss.  The trick might be to see these moments as simply part of the whole of our existence.   A focus on our spiritual purpose balances out these experiences.

Self-Love: I’ve recently started blogging for The Relationship Blogger.  In this post, I talk about how one of the lessons from my NDE was how to become more of my best friend through the journey of this life no matter what I survived.

Without self-love, there is manipulation and drama in relationships.   However, self-love grants us peace that no grasping at satisfaction will ever bring.  That feeling of being o.k. as you are is priceless.

Healing: The manuscript that I recently completed has a small portion which talks about learning to parent the wounded inner child inside of me.  Wounds can’t be wished away or pushed aside; they will continue to crop up and get triggered if you don’t actively work to release and heal them.  My strongest desire for young people is that they work on family of origin wounds and release these patterns early in life before these patterns get played out in various ways.

It would be amazing to see larger groups of college students open to the potential of energetic healing, as well as traditional forms of healing through churches, counseling, programs of recovery, mentorship programs, and success/inspirational workshops. Relationships are vital and important to everyone, and some college classes like sociology and psychology offer helpful information to students about healing and transformation.  However, healing sometimes comes from having a loving focus on oneself and an intent to heal.   Every human being is different and the modalities for healing are numerous–everything from nutritional therapy, functional medicine, sound healing, energetic healing, etc.

After my NDE, I am particularly sensitive to energy.  I’m a fan and connoisseur of energy work. Because of this, I’ve decided to share the names of those whose work I have tried and deeply benefited from. I recently had an amazing session with Tara Rose .  I’ve worked with shamans and had affirming, healing sessions.  However, something about this session with Tara blew me away.  I’m always looking for ways to bring more of the divine light into my life, and her session encouraged and greatly facilitated that experience.  The healing work focused on a major wound in my life, and I still feel certain energetic changes many days later.  If you try a session with her, I would love it if you let her know that I recommended you.

May each of you love and take great care of your inner child.  I know mine better now that I have ever known her.  Get to know yours, and be playful about the process.  One of the lessons from my NDE was to remind people to be like a little child.  Find a way to deeply enjoy life and be in the moment.

My inner child dances under the stars. She sends her wishes to the moon when it is full, and watches those wishes magically descend into her life. She has unexpected, divine messages and intellectual breakthroughs. She finds peace and healing in the embrace of nature. She is amused by creative, fun moments, and powerful, intuitive realizations. She feels the love and healing energy of angels and archangels all around her. The part of this inner child that is in touch with the light will never die.  

The part of you that is in touch with the light will also never die.  There is healing in remembering this truth.

As Tara Rose reminds us on her website,  a true healer shows us our own capacity to heal and transform our lives, and love is always the greatest transformer.  I wish everyone much healing and happiness no matter where your journey might be leading you.

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Ego, Empathy, and a Healthy Identity

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 6 Comments

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Update 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream. 

Anita Moorjani has amazing things to say about ego and connectedness to others. She talks about how we need both–a sensitivity to other’s experiences and an ability to embrace our ego.  We need a healthy ego and healthy dose of empathy in order to function successfully.  When one is out of balance, we don’t relate to the world harmonically.

Ego: The seed for growing a healthy ego might have been planted when I survived death and existed for a few moments in the presence of God.  For the first time in my life, I felt better than o.k.  I felt blessed just to be me, exactly how I am.  I didn’t feel that I needed to change or improve anything.  I could breathe with ease in the presence of God.  I wish I could bottle that feeling and drink it daily myself and give everyone on the planet a big drink of “FINE EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.”

You don’t HAVE TO buy anything, improve anything, lose a certain number of pounds, take seven more classes.  You don’t HAVE TO do anything to be fine exactly as you are. You can simply claim it and breathe this feeling in, deep inside of you.  You can later buy, improve, lose, and take classes if all these activities give you more joy, health, and happiness, but you do not have to do anything to claim being loved.  You are loved.

Moorjani writes, “”….as long as we are alive, breathing, and expressing through a physical body, the best thing we can do for ourselves and for those around us is to engage in life fully, embrace who we are, and express ourselves authentically. To me, being spiritual, and being ourselves is one and the same thing!”

All I can say is a big, “Amen.”  Right after my NDE, nothing felt more holy and true than to be authentically me, rejoicing at being alive.  Every book I read had great significance because I was reading it.  Every single moment of my life was holy, simply because I was alive to experience it.

At my core, I know I am an expression of the divine, and so are you.  Though sometimes love and light has to wiggle its way around cavernous wounds, the light and the truth always seeks to these heal wounds.  It always seeks to make you freer.  With greater love and more empathy for ourselves, we do find ways to let more light flow through us.

Empathy:  I have always felt the feelings of others.  Empathy/being an empath is a gift but a heavy one at times, especially when I have absorbed the negative emotions of others and not understood how to disconnect and practice more awareness of my own feelings.

In worst case scenarios, I’ve let energy vampires take away my good time and peace of mind.  Luckily, there is so much information  about how to identify energy vampires and deal with them.

Ralph Smart’s video has great ideas such as blasting energy vampires with your light or simply limiting the time and attention you give them.

The idea of energetically protecting myself from negative energy never worked as much as being someone who could blast light (with words or with energy) into a negative situation and change that situation so that others might learn how to be more loving and awakened.

In some cases, I had to learn when it was time to fold and walk away/run away from situations/people.  A healthy ego allows you to draw boundaries with people and protect yourself from harm.  Empathy is sometimes what you have for yourself simply for having survived what you have survived; it also allows you to help others in similar situations.

Love:  We all have the capacity to be empaths.  There is so much joy in being wide open with love for oneself and for others, and it is the best way to live.  We all have the capacity to have a healthy sense of ego and walk through this world in a way that allows us to be incredibly kind and self-protective.

You deserve goodness, and you deserve to be the embodiment of love.  Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

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Meditation & Out-Of-Body-Experiences

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 13 Comments
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Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.
I’m happy to include another guest post about a beautiful out-of-body-experience.  Personally, I know that meditation practices can make us more open to these experiences.  Enjoy this story from across the pond.

On the River by Will H.

I started meditation in my late teens and in my twenties attended a number of silent mindfulness retreats, which I very much enjoyed.  By nature, I’m a morning person and find that the early morning is the best time to practice meditation at home; the mind is usually quieter and well rested after a good night’s sleep.    Years ago, however, I would also meditate at night just before going to bed.  Somewhat to my surprise, I noticed that this had an unexpected effect on my dreams.

As a general rule, I found that practicing mindfulness for 30-40 minutes or so before going to sleep made dreams easier to recollect, deeper and more vivid…. a bit like tuning an old fuzzy TV so the picture quality improves.   I once had dream of a roe deer on the farm, which then turned into what appeared to be an old shaman.  The shaman tried his best to communicate deep and important personal truths that I strained to hear but frustratingly couldn’t quite grasp. Earlier still, another memorable dream foretold the future sale of the family farm some 7 years later when the full symbolic meaning came to pass.  Interestingly, I later read a wonderful book by Piers Vitebsky called ‘Reindeer People’ about the nomadic reindeer herders of Siberia who it turns out have a name for just this sort of pre-cognitive dream that is only later fully understood with the passage of time.

All these deeper dreams as a result of pre-bed meditation seemed to involve the local countryside and tended to have what I thought of as shamanic rather than Buddhist motifs.  I found this surprising at the time as mindfulness is really an Asian Buddhist practice.   It’s only more recently that Burmese Buddhist elements have appeared in my dreams and even then quite infrequently.

The particular dream happened about 17 years ago and was an out-of-body dream.  I lived at the time by a beautiful river in Southern England and the historical birthplace of fly-fishing.   Rivers are mostly privately owned in Britain and my family had a farm that had diversified, so we sold fly-fishing days as a way to keep the farm viable.   My home was a mill cottage, well over 100 year old with two braids of the river flowing on either side, quite something in the summer!  In the off-season winter months, we would look after the river, doing habitat and riverbank restoration work with a small team of men.  I had big plans for improving both the fishing and the in-stream ecology.

One night around this time I woke up to find myself looking down at my own body asleep in bed from a vantage point on the ceiling.  I guess you could call this a lucid dream where you wake up and yet simultaneously remain firmly in the dream state.

No sooner had I registered this most unusual out-of-body experience looking at my own body, than a luminous oval sphere of light then came in through the window – sliver blue in colour it paused by my bed.   As I looked down I could see that this ball of light exerted a suction on my left side about level with my ribcage and out popped another blue-silver ball of light.  “Ah, this must be my one,” I immediately thought to myself.

My visitor spoke to me telepathically although seemed a little uncertain of how to address me, “Come on Will, come on William – we have to go and look at the river”.

So, I left my bedroom as a ball of light following another ball of light up and out of the window.  We flew low to the river like a pair of brilliant blue kingfishers to a place upstream where the real-life team had been working that same week on riverbank repairs.  We paused and looked at the work though no further words were exchanged.

I knew without doubt who the other blue ball of light was – It was Leslie, a river-keeper who had tended the river before I was born.    What I know is that he had a heart condition, forgot to take his medication and died suddenly around the time my mother was pregnant with me in the early 1970’s.

I subsequently learned that Leslie was one of the great old-school river keepers.  A man devoted to the care of the river, he would cut the riverweed by hand wading in the water with a scythe in the days before mechanical cutting.   They told me Leslie would start work on the river at 4 a.m. or 5 a.m. on summer mornings, unthinkable to our more lazy generation!

Whilst it was many years ago that I had this dream and the family farm was sold not long after, it has stayed with me all this time.  I well remember waking up and feeling this great inner conviction regards two things following that dream.

Firstly, I felt a certainty that physical death was not the end. How could it be?  I’d just met a dead person!  Secondly, I was really struck by how someone could still care about a river over 30 years after their own death; it was emotionally humbling and made me wonder again what exactly happens after we pass on.

A final strange twist was that a few weeks after having this dream, I was distributing some pamphlets advertising our fishing business; I went into the local village Post-Office and asked if I could leave some there.  An attractive woman behind the counter took a glance and then said with a smile “Oh my grandfather used to work there as a river-keeper – his name was Leslie.”   I felt close to mentioning the extraordinary dream experience but I held back, something that I perhaps regret now.  I’d never met any of Leslie’s family before (or since) so maybe I should have said something.

In my own defense, out-of-body mystical experiences involving the dead are not topics that we Brits normally talk about on first meeting!  What was I really going to say?  “Oh yes, I met your long-dead Grandpa two weeks ago, he got me out of bed to look at the river work we’re doing!”

I find it encouraging that thanks to the internet, we can now share these sorts of unusual experiences, and I hope with time all will be more accepting of them in everyday life.

Will H, England. April 2017.

 

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Just Remember Compassion

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 8 Comments

 

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Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Just Remember Compassion

Go ahead and work hard to manifest every single one of your dreams.  Build the company you wanted to build.  Start the non-profit.  Win the awards you dreamed of winning, but don’t forget compassion.

Go ahead and marry the guy or girl many others wanted.  Travel to Cozumel, Tahiti, and Rome.  Get a new home every decade and move up in your company, but don’t forget compassion.

Go ahead and train for your first race.  Win and keep training.  Take your efforts to their maximum and beyond. Smile for the cameras as everyone watches as you blast into fame in those blessed 500 meters of your life, but don’t forget compassion.

Go ahead and write the novel that gets a big publishing contract.  Get the movie deal and the house in Encinitas, but don’t forget compassion.

Because…the business can fail, the non-profit can flounder, and awards can be a thing of the past.  Divorce, sickness, and disaster is the rain that falls into many lives, and athletes whose faces were known around the world in their twenties sometimes have trouble getting out of bed in their forties or fifties, their bodies wracked with pain.  The writer who was the envy of all his or her peers sometimes dies alone with a television or a cat, so extend compassion to everyone like it is breath.

When you judge another’s weaknesses, you judge yourself because we will all succumb to frailty.  The flower blooms, but even when we are green, we are also dying.  Even when we are dying though, we are sometimes simply learning what it means to live with compassion for all beings.

So, why not learn the lesson now?  Why not live as if you are already home?  Have compassion for everyone on God’s green earth and everyone who has come before you and everyone who will come after you.

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During my near-death experience, one of the aspects of the divine love of God was compassion.  There were many aspects to this megadose of love, but compassion was one of the feelings.  To simply feel God’s acceptance and love as I was without judgment seemed way out of the ordinary for me.  In my life before my NDE, I encountered people who were often judgmental, and I didn’t always extend compassion myself.

The longer I live, the more I realize that one of the most important things we can do is to extend compassion both to ourselves and others in all moments of life, even in small moments when we are frustrated in traffic or unable to sleep.  Try showing yourself a bit more compassion.  The very act of showing compassion for yourself seems to free up space and allows things to shift.

What I’ve Learned from One Year of Blogging

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 20 Comments

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Update:  My memoir Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.

If You are Prolific, Be Specific. 

After National Geographic interviewed me about my near-death experience, I started this blog. Seventy-nine posts and over 100,000 words later, I’ve learned a few things about blogging.

Being extremely intentional with your posts could help you create a novel.  The manuscript I’ve completed, Angels in the OR, was revised from 96,000 words to the final product of a little over 60,000 words.  If you write that much in a year, you might have the beginnings of a book.

If I would have realized I would write that much on my blog in a year, I might have been more focused with my posts.  I don’t regret the journey because learning is always exciting.  I’ve enjoyed writing book reviews as much as writing about after-death communications, writing about messages from my NDE as much as reflections about teaching.  This journey has taken me through a wild and beautiful landscape.

Consider Cultural Happenings and the News

Although we do not know which posts will get the most traffic, current events grab the attention of people, especially if you are writing about something that occurred in your area.  Also, being intentional about the world around you and anchoring love in the middle of chaos is a good practice.  The news can focus on the negative, but you can add your light, depth, and insights to certain situations.

Write Something Timely That Helps Others

One of my most popular posts is the post about completing the Medical Medium’s 28-day cleanse.  I wrote this because I hoped that my healing journey might encourage others with similar issues with chronic pain and autoimmune disorders to try the cleanse.  I was one of the first bloggers to document my experience with the 28-day cleanse, and I received a lot of support from Facebook communities devoted to the advice of The Medical Medium.  Facebook groups and Twitter groups can be a way to extend your blog’s reach.

Pay Attention to Those Who Reach Out to You and Pass on the Love

Shareen Mansfield who created OTV Magazine was one of the first bloggers to reach out to me.  I fell in love with many of her posts and the posts of those she publishes on OTV Magazine.  I even felt inspired to write an article for OTV.

Not only did I find supportive Facebook communities dedicated to topics of interest, but I found several wonderful writer’s blogs.  I witnessed several success stories and watched people like Raymond Baxtor take off with The Relationship Blogger this year.

Become a fan of blogs that move you.  Don’t just like posts, take the time to post thoughtful comments.  Create your own community and make it supportive and uplifting.  Consider showcasing the work of other bloggers and writers on your blog.

To My Friends!

Blogging, like social media, can lead to real connections and friendships.  This year, I’ve met angel communicators, NDErs, alien communicators, political activists, protesters, life coaches, health coaches, artists, poets, writers, ministers, college students, hospice workers, hospice volunteers, yoga teachers, meditation teachers, healers using a variety of modalities, mediums, naturopaths, shamans, and lots of people who read blogs.

Thank you readers, and thank you everyone for your emails.  I loved hearing from you whether you have shared your most profound loss, your greatest joy, deepest longing, or your earnest curiosity.  You are the you I was hoping to connect with in blogosphere.  I have a much larger tribe across the planet than I realized.

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What’s in a name?  Sometimes you are your own brand.  When you think Lorna Byrne http://lornabyrne.com/  you most likely think of her communication with angels.

When you think Gabby Bernstein, you most likely think turning fear into faith and living with divine guidance.  https://gabbybernstein.com/

When you think Tony Robbins, you think high intensity motivation.  https://www.tonyrobbins.com/

I simply guessed that after the National Geographic article, which featured a short blurb about my NDE, people would Google “Tricia Barker NDE” or “Tricia Barker Near-Death Experience.”   And they did.  To my surprise, tens of thousands of people used that specific search term.

In retrospect, this might not be the catchiest name for my blog, but it worked to a degree.  Will I change it in time?  Probably.

What should you name your blog?  Something you are happy with long-term.  Your name is not a bad idea if you are working to become a brand.

I hope that when my memoir, Angels in the OR, that readers might think, “If Tricia can experience that kind of divine sense of purpose and healing, then I can certainly live a greater life of divine purpose.”

Be Careful with Your Tags in a Porn-Infested Internet Landscape

I wrote several posts about rape culture and my experience with rape in South Korea.  Unfortunately, some people search “Teacher Rape South Korea Porn” and are directed to my post about being an English teacher, living in South Korea, and experiencing rape.

Porn can be toxic to healthy relationships, and Dr. Robert Jensen spoke about pornography at one of the colleges where I taught English; his message transformed the lives of many young men and women.

The Relationship Blogger caught my attention with his post about porn.  Whatever your level of comfort is with writing about sex, trauma, pornography, or otherwise, realize that tags can filter the wrong crowd to your blog.

On the other hand, if you have a sense of humor, you might use lots of kinky tags for of non-related articles to boost your stats.  “Two Girls Making Out” might direct someone to “How to Complete Your Taxes in Under Two Hours.”  Together, we could start a blogging revolution.

Other Technical Stuff

I have a basic WordPress account, and largely the format has worked for me.  I like the set-up, and the layout.  It is easy to use, and graphics make the posts look nicer.  Would I like a snazzier looking blog?  Sure.  Do I have issues that I haven’t fixed?  Of course.  I don’t even know how to delete the extra category.  I have “book reviews” and “Book Reviews” as categories.  Lol.  Help me!  Somebody…help me.

Lordy, Lordy, Haters and Trolls

Haters and trolls are probably in deep pain and lost in drama.  Don’t be like them.  Don’t write about the confusing, dramatic parts of your life until much later when you have wisdom and serenity.  Write from places where you are solid and can give advice to help others, not when you are bleeding half-to-death because there isn’t much clarity in that state of mind.  Write about a well healed scar and show others how to get through painful situations.

Bless the crap out of people who hate you, and even if some people behave so badly that you think they should come back as a tarantula in their next life or believe they are currently living out a reality as a tarantula in a multi-universe and that is why they are having such a difficult time being human, bless them until they go away and have and awakening far, far away from you.

Remember you only see a small picture, and God sees the entire picture.  Learn to see a bigger picture, and write to win.  Write something so undeniably transcendent that even your haters will nod and turn in the other direction because they know you are helping others.

One of my surprisingly popular posts is one about narcissistic abuse.  I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve experienced enough narcissistic abuse in my life to see the last of my innocence float away and return with understanding and with healing.  If you write about pain, write in a way to bring clarity or healing to a subject.

And if those haters and trolls still come after you, remind them how years of Krav Maga and other techniques have made you not just a fireball, but an atomic force of nature.

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Who Loves You, Baby?

Nobody and I mean nobody will love your baby blog more than you do.  Your pretend soulmate, your wannabe soulmate, your twin flame for a day, the friends who are a godsend for correcting your typos and grammatical errors, your life-long best friend, your new best friend, your favorite ex, your least favorite ex, and even your real, true honest to God in the flesh stand by your side partner for life will get busy and forget to read your blog.  You and God know your blog better than anyone else, so write to delight yourself.  Write to inform or help others who take the time to read your posts. Write something you would be proud of one year or even ten years from now.

Consider Your Top Ten Posts

After you have blogged for a while, take stock of your half-year or year.

Why were some posts more popular than others?  Do you want to make more posts in a similar vein to your most popular posts?

What surprised you about the journey?  What didn’t surprise you?

Take a Break

Why?  Because you can.  Because you might work on something other than a blog for a time.  Because it excites you to take a break.

However, if it feels more exciting to keep blogging, then keep on truckin.

I guess they can’t revoke your soul for tryin.—Grateful Dead

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Top Ten Posts

  1. Excerpt About the Angels
  2. Excerpt After the Angels
  3. Following the Advice of the Medical Medium’s Plan after the 28-Day Cleanse
  4. My Story as a Rape Victim and a Response to the Sentence for Brock Turner 
  5. Love Letter from God
  6. Messages from My NDE
  7. The Life and Eight Deaths of Ethan Michael Carter
  8. Lucky to Have Died, Lucky to Be Alive
  9. More About the Angels from My NDE
  10. Community College Instructor’s Response to Dallas Shooting

 

Problems with Manifestation Theories

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 4 Comments

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Manifestation:  I’ve always had some trouble with the idea of manifestation.  Though I know manifestation of things that we want is possible with some effort and in the right state of mind, I also know that we live in a chaotic world and bump up against the free will of others.  Surely, we are not manifesting everything in our lives.

One of the most damaging ideas that ran through my head after my rape was the thought that somehow, I had manifested this occurrence.  That thought made me feel great hopelessness and despair, and I lost a lot of my connection to a loving, abundant God because of manifestation theories.

A better explanation is that rape is common in the U.S. and other countries and women are widely abused around the world.  I’m a woman and live in that world.  Even other women, like my roommate at the time when I was raped, are systematically taught to victim blame and dislike other women, especially the ones who shine.  Many times as women, we even blame ourselves before looking outward at the problem that needs to be addressed in society.

I’m also not sure that I came into the world with a soul contract to experience rape, but if I did then my purpose surely must be to bring more awareness and healing to this problem. If believing you have a soul contract brings you to a point of greater forgiveness, then that theory might benefit you.  What I felt on the other side during my NDE is that pain is simply not important and not what we take with us.  Our mission is one of love and remembering our connection to the divine, and what we encounter here is not planned out in full before birth or when coming back after a NDE.

What I am certain of is that what defines our soul is how we react to the situations of our life and the world.  When we respond with forgiveness, we create a better life for ourselves.

Possibly if I never left my room at night, never interacted with the world in friendly open ways, married early, stayed behind my husband in supporting roles, never traveled alone, never flirted, never wore form-fitting clothes, never insisted on equal pay, never called men out on sexism, never voiced an opinion different from a man, never earned a wonderful education maybe I wouldn’t have been raped or targeted by a stalker.

But, there is still a chance that I would have been abused by my husband and not have the power or funds to leave him.  There is still a chance that a neighbor, acquaintance, stranger, or friend might have raped me in my house as I hid from the world, and what a tragedy that would be to lose out on the whole world because of fear.

Women deserve to walk through this world safely, and we can only do this if rape culture changes.

I treasure my moments of travel around the world and all that I learned about other cultures.  On a basic level, I remember reading newspapers from Australia years ago and realizing how nationalistic and myopic our focus is in the U.S.  Seeing the U.S. from a foreigner’s perspective is eye-opening.

I don’t tie all the wonderful memories I’ve experienced as a free, curious soul to the trauma I’ve experienced.  I see trauma as simply an unfortunate part of living in this world.  What are we going to do about it is the bigger question?

I hope that we are going to transform this darkness with our love, forgiveness, and instance on change.

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Forgive Everything with Every Breath You Take

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 2 Comments

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For fans of healing geometry, here is a link to an artist, Ann DeRulle, who works in this medium. 

Forgiveness:  Many spiritual teachers talk about the necessity of forgiveness.  The sooner we can get through the stages of grief and get to forgiveness, the better of our inner worlds become.  I know we don’t take pain and trauma with us when we die.  I know it is washed away.  Bringing the light of the heavens, the love of the heavens into our own hearts to heal all that we have experienced is important.

In a sense, this kind of focus does bring more success into one’s life.  Although there is a basic truth to manifestation, the theory doesn’t explain everything about living in this complex, unpredictable world.  However, a positive focus, no matter one’s difficulties, makes for an easier journey.

The Now:  My near-death experience taught me to live in the moment and treasure each moment.  Forgiveness can be accessed quicker simply by switching one’s focus to all that is beautiful about the world whether this is a meal with friends or family or a walk in a beautiful park during your favorite season of the year.

To deeply access a place of forgiveness takes courage; forgiveness doesn’t mean that you continue to hang around people who harm you.  Forgiveness simply means you choose to love and appreciate yourself and your life, no matter what occurs before, behind, or beside you.  You are the embodiment of love.

Try to remember that when you are near death, you don’t want to yell at those who have hurt, shocked, abandoned, abused you, or otherwise wronged you.  Instead, you want to be surrounded by the people who love you.  You want to tell everyone you love how much you love them and how much you want only goodness and happiness for them.  And when you die, love is what you take with you.

The lesson you must learn during your earthly experience is to refuse to populate your mind with the people who have wronged you.  This kind of focus can rob of you of precious time and health.  Forgiveness of others grants you a wonderful, blissful life.

Your forgiveness lets others fly free, and most of all puts you in touch with the love of heavens.  Your hope that others might live better lives works to create a better world.

Our legacy eventually becomes how much we were able to love and forgive despite the conditions of this world.  So, forgive it all as if every breath might be the last one.

Death and Dying:  Even those who have the power to heal both themselves and others will eventually die.  We all die.  We don’t necessarily manifest death.  Death is just part of life.  Nature teaches us this.  You’re not losing the game by leaving the world early.  No one is losing by dying; it is just part of the life experience.

You are only losing out on the joy of life when you refuse to love deeply and forgive everything.  However, even if or when you are consumed by bitterness, try to remember that you are loved more than you can imagine. This might open your heart to forgive others.

A few years after my NDE, I remember meeting an older gentleman who had also recently experienced a NDE.  He decided to sell everything, retire, and live way out in the country in Montana.  His family freaked out and kept asking him what he would do if he had a heart attack out in the middle of nowhere.  He replied, “After making the 911 call, I would simply walk out into my gorgeous backyard, lie back on the ground, look up at the stars or the clouds, and send my love to this earth and everyone in it.  If I died there, I can’t think of a better way to go.”

I can’t think of a better way to go either.  Since you will probably send your love to everyone in the end, you might as well send your love to everyone in every moment of your life.

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This art piece by Ann DeRulle is called Ascended.

I Stand for Love, Compassion, Unity, and Community

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 6 Comments

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I can no longer abide venom or anger on either side politically.  I will not let fear and outrage enter my body when I read the news or social media posts.  I will no longer label anyone as racist, sexist, xenophobic, nationalistic, ignorant, or ill-informed. I will not shame or alienate anyone on social media.  I will look at every human being on the face of the earth as my brother and sister, and I will do what I have done my entire career.  I will embody light and truth.  I will educate and speak my truth from a place of love and light no matter what kind of darkness I encounter in this world.

As Martin Luther King stated, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

No Fear:  I will be a teacher with a microphone and megaphone in our world so that I can reach beyond the walls of my classrooms.  Though I might take you to church in a few lectures, you will know that I respect you and want the best for you.  I don’t want you to live in fear of others, so I will not live in fear of you.

What do I stand for?  I stand for love, deep compassion, empathy, unity, community, wellness, equality, child-like joy, authenticity, freedom, passion, intellectual curiosity, truth, beauty, safety, and healing.

I stand for reverence and deep honor of Mother Earth so that we all might have clean air, water, unpolluted food, and organic, affordable produce.  The Native Americans have much to teach us, and I stand with Standing Rock.

I stand for taking care of all life from the plants we eat to the darling kids in Head Start programs to the college students graduating and entering the work force to the retirees.  I honor the accomplishments and beauty of disabled children as much as the star athletes. I love the kids from the country as much as I love the immigrants who just arrived on our shores and at our airports. I love them all, and I want you to see the light and divinity in everyone.  Though I am more of a Democrat than a Republican, I am mostly an independent lightworker.

I will speak loudly for all the young women who come through my classrooms to show them that sexism, misogyny, and narcissism will not crush them or their dreams.  I speak to show certain males that certain behaviors of our president will not be normalized.  For example, this man at a Pensacola Women’s March needs reeducation.  Don’t turn away from him.  Don’t criticize women for marching.  Ask the women why they marched, and keep this man’s image in your mind because he exists and needs a transformation whether he is a prankster, a rapist, or a future shooter.

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I will write letters, march, and do whatever is necessary for all the students I have known who have faced staggering health issues and deserve health care no matter their economic background, sex, or mental illness.

After all, I might not have died on that operating table had I gone into surgery earlier, and I would have gone into surgery earlier if I had health insurance. I overheard a nurse confirm this.  I suffered so that others might have an easier path.  My gay and lesbian friends fought for equality because they know and I know that no loving couple should ever fear their loved ones will be torn from their grasp.

I love all my students, and I speak in praise of all of my students including Christian gay, white males; brilliant, teenage Muslim girls who want to be doctors; kind, respectful, smart children of undocumented workers; Jewish poets; single mothers of all races and nationalities, veterans who are conservative and veterans who are liberal.  I allow every voice to speak and write their truths.  My classroom is a classroom of tolerance and free-speech.  I hang a flag on my wall because my father was a veteran.  I don’t burn flags, but I burn fake news to the ground in this post-truth reality; I know he’d be proud.

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Pro-Life and Pro-Innocence:  I will shout into my microphone all the love I have in my heart for the many young men and women I’ve met in my lifetime. I want to protect all of the elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.  I want to protect the six-year-old girl who is molested and doesn’t have the voice to tell her family what happened as much as I want to protect the fourteen-year-old teenager who wore a miniskirt to her first party and was raped by three boys.  Though I care about the boys who raped her, I want them to face appropriate consequences for their actions.  I want to live in a world where men and boys see that violence and destruction of innocence will not be tolerated.

More than that, I want men and boys to honor women and to protect the innocence of life around them.  We have to first acknowledge that there is a problem with misogyny and racism because these attitudes lead to violence.   Men who are protectors are worth their weight in gold.
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I pray for the fifteen-year-old girl who was raped by her father while her mother only asked him to pay for their daughter’s counseling. I wish that man had served time for such a grave offense and was not allowed around other teenagers without supervision.  I wish that this young woman knew her true value and brilliance.  I wish that she didn’t feel that she had to drown her trauma in drugs and alcohol, only to be revictimzed by many men.

My personal suffering has become a thread tying me to countless other survivors so that I might show them how to heal a little quicker than I healed. If you have one-fourth the compassion that I have, you too would hold this young woman in your heart whether she chose to get an abortion or to have a child or made both choices at different times.  She is one of the many lives that I serve and honor.

I will shout into my megaphone because I care for the women in their twenties who were raped by exes, beat up by boyfriends, or assaulted by friends of the family.  I want better community services for students I have known who were assaulted by family members and then ended up on the streets.  They deserve a chance at success, and I do my best to make sure they get that chance.  I want better services for all the veterans who have come through my classrooms.  I care about all the young men who were raped by another man when they were only five, seven, or eight.  These are similar stories to the stories of countless students of mine, and I pray for them every day.

I stand at my microphone for the lives of all the many children waiting to be adopted in this country and other countries.  I cry for my fellow human beings as much as I cry for animals in shelters.  I pray for the children enslaved in human trafficking and the children starving to death or injured from the destruction of war and violence.  If we can work together to create a world free from abuse, rape, human trafficking, war, hunger, and violence, we can also start creating amazing communities where single women can go and receive free health care and education during their pregnancies.  When all children are safe and loved, we will be living in a pro-life world.

I will continue to broadcast my message about how important it is to end human trafficking, war, hunger, and all abuse of innocence because we have real work cut out for us.  And in the face of this light and love, if you are still focused on birth and fetuses, I ask you to please adopt children who are here right now, dying for your love.  Sign up to foster children who need you.  Make that financial sacrifice.

If enough of you do this in mass, abortion rates will decrease.  Please realize that most men, even highly conservative ones, will chuckle and admit that if they could get pregnant after a one night stand or night when they drank too much, they would want the abortion pill available over the counter.  Their tone changes when they consider abortion and women’s rights.  This issue is obviously about control over women, and I will shout repeatedly that men would not tolerate this kind of control over their bodies and lives. I will say this on loop this until it begins to sink in to your consciousness.

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I will get out my microphone and remind you to put pressure on all work environments to provide free health care and day care, so that abortion rates will go down.  This will be a much better, loving way to address the abortion issue.  I am for the success of women as much as for the success of men.  One does not cancel out the other.  It never has.  As long as women are abused, assaulted, raped, and stalked at alarming rates, we need to focus on their protection.

I live to protect the innocent and to heal the wounded.  That is the meaning of my life.  Stand in my way of working to heal this world, and I will gather a crowd of loving human beings together, and we will counter all hate and darkness with a brilliant light that cannot be denied. God bless the marches!   God bless our right to protest with love.  God bless us all in every country and every place in this world.  I’m here to make the world great in a way that it never has been and that starts with changing the minds of many of my fellow Americans.

I realize this article probably hasn’t reached who it needs to reach, but I am just now getting warmed up.  Give me a chance, and give love a chance.

dalilamafeminist

  •  Special thanks to spiritual teachers like Marianne Williamson and Matt Kahn for reminding me to focus on love and what I stand for and not give in to fear.

Comp Romp: Narrowing Down Comparable Titles/Inspirations For My Memoir

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / Leave a comment

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Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Comparable Titles:  Part of the publishing journey is figuring out where your book fits in amidst many published books.  Since this is my first manuscript, I want to share my writing and publishing journey with students and others.   I completed the first draft of my memoir Healed at the end of the summer, and I am working on my second, third, and fourth revisions.

Angels in the OR is not just a near-death experience story; it is a tough, raw, honest portrayal of my survival, relationships, teaching experiences, and my eventual triumph over trauma. One of the many themes of the book is how the lessons from a near-death experience can benefit many people and assist in their healing.

The Joy and the Agony of Writing:  I’ll be honest—writing a longer work like this has proven exhilarating.  Revising and rewriting entire sections or scenes of a manuscript is challenging, but even the challenges can be important lessons.  While writing this memoir, I’ve learned how to tell the truth gracefully and what parts to emphasize or eliminate. Crafting the story and jumping around in time was one of my favorite parts of the revision process.

When I felt bummed about the many revisions, my editor reminded me that Jeanette Walls revised her lovely memoir The Glass Castle eight times.  I can only pray that my writing will occasionally be as lovely as Jeanette Wall’s prose.

Writing a manuscript is not a quick, easy task, especially when you work full-time; nonetheless, it is a labor of love.  Writing is often an obsession for those of us who stick with it.  As Charles Bukowski says in the poem “So You Want to Be a Writer,” “unless it comes out of / your soul like a rocket, / unless being still would / drive you to madness or/ suicide or murder, / don’t do it. / unless the sun inside you is / burning your gut, / don’t do it.”

Despite warnings like these, many English majors and others continue to dream of writing a memoir, novel, or screenplay.  Years ago, I hoped my first book might be a book of poetry or categorized as literary fiction.  However, when National Geographic interviewed me about my near-death experience, I realized that the brief blurb featured in their magazine did not capture the complexity of my journey, and I knew I had to write this book.  I’ve never tried to sell a manuscript before, and I hope my process might benefit students and others in their writing journey.

Themes: My memoir echoes themes from many books besides books about near-death experiences, but the beginning and ending of the book clearly centers around my near-death experience.  Much of the middle of the book deals with the aftereffects of an NDE and my mission from the afterlife.  Some of the titles listed below are more inspirations than comparable titles, but when I explain my book these are the titles that come to mind.

Though my NDE was a life changing event, I wrote Angels in the OR mainly to help spread good energy into the world, and to help others heal from personal wounds, not to become a definitive source of NDEs.

Near-Death Experience Comparisons:

Dying to Wake Up:  A Doctor’s Voyage into the Afterlife by Dr. Rajiv Parti (2016) published by Atria Books:  Though I did not experience hell or past lives during my NDE like Dr. Parti, I identified with several themes in his book.  Before his NDE, Dr. Parti’s primary motivation was materialism.  Material success was a drive before my NDE, and when God told me to return to my life and work as a teacher I struggled with the idea.  However, I found that the divine light’s mission was exactly right for my life.  Teaching and serving others healed me and expanded my life in ways I never could have imagined.  In Dying to Wake Up, Dr. Parti briefly discusses his struggle with addiction.  A commitment to health and wellness is present in several chapters of my memoir.  Energetic healing helped me address anxiety and PTSD, the after-effects of rape.  Like Dr. Parti, I am motivated to help others find greater spiritual, emotional, and physical health in their lives.

Dying to be Me by Anita Moorjani (2012) published by Hay House:  Anita Moorjani’s story is inspirational and exceptional.  Like Moorjani, I saw angels sending healing light through my surgeons.  I was losing feeling in my left leg before surgery, but I regained complete feeling in that leg after my surgery.  These beautiful light beings wanted me to know that they were there to assist and help.  They also wanted me to be aware that they could work through me in the future, and that they work through many others on the planet.  Moorjani’s message of self-love and listening to one’s intuition is one that I discuss at the end of my memoir.  Of all the near-death experiencers, her loving message is one that I resonate with the most.  She also addresses women’s roles in society. I clearly address rape culture in my book, and the importance of healing from toxic backgrounds.

 

Other Comparisons

Lucky by Alice Sebold (2002) published by Little, Brown and Company:  Lucky is a searing memoir about a rape that occurred when Alice Sebold was a freshman in college.  The book examines how rape affected her friendships, her relationships with her family, her identity, her attempts at romance, and her sense of safety in the world.  These areas of my life also became challenging after I was raped. The aftereffects of rape, stalking, and harassment extend for years, and I cover these aftereffects in the second half of my book.  PTSD and sexual trauma is profoundly painful and can even threaten to diminish the light of an experience as profoundly beautiful as a near-death experience.  As Sebold says, “You save yourself, or you remain unsaved.”

Teacher Man by Frank McCourt (2005) published by Scribner:  Frank McCourt became the hero of many English teachers and professors when his first book Angela’s Ashes came out.   Like McCourt, I experienced neglect and poverty as a child.  My favorite sections to write in this manuscript were the sections about my teaching experiences.  I went into the teaching field fully believing that God and the angels might work through me, and the love and hope that I had for my students transformed my life in ways I could never have imagined.  Their journeys taught me much about myself and helped me find the courage to heal my wounds.  Their successes became my success.  I can tell that McCourt enjoyed writing about his moments in the classroom and including stories about his students.

Second Sight by Dr. Judith Orloff:  I list this book because Dr. Judith Orloff felt more comfortable incorporating her intuitive gifts into her practice as a psychiatrist.  Directly after my NDE, I feared my intuitive gifts and didn’t want to be labeled a psychic, intuitive, or medium.  Using guidance in the classroom as a teacher felt perfectly natural, and I never labeled this type of guidance.  I simply helped the students I could help and opened myself up to assistance from the other side.

When I received a message from God that my contract as a teacher/professor was completed and that I could do “whatever I wanted to do” (even continue to teach if I wished), my mind raced in various directions.  I wondered if my contract was up because I might die soon.  This made me want to write my story in case I didn’t have much time on this earth; I wanted others to know the lessons from my near-death experience.

Eventually, I realized I probably had more time on the earth, and if I applied the same principles I learned during my NDE to any work, all will be well.  In other words, work to inspire and help others grow.

Comparable Titles:   Many unknown writers make the mistake of comparing their manuscripts to great books which have sold millions of copies and that is not my intent. I thought about adding Why be Happy When You Could be Normal by Jeanette Winterson to the list of inspirations mainly for her examination of dysfunctional parents and a difficult childhood, but this is mainly covered in one or two chapters of the book.

Of course, I’m also tempted to compare my book to Wild by Sheryl Strayed , but I didn’t hike the PCT to overcome my personal struggles.  I know that nature has the power to heal us, and her story is a great testimony of this truth. My near-death experience was the awakening that I needed to eventually find my way to greater healing, and my memoir is an attempt to bare my soul in the hope that readers might relate, connect, deepen their own healing journey, and perhaps find the courage to share their own stories.