If love is all that matters, then some lives need to be re-tuned and readjusted in heaven. I’m not saying that as a judgment, more a commentary on modern life and relationships.
Truths are often simple. Love is of God. All of our actions that flow from a place of love, flow from God.
Imagine heaven as a reprocessing center. The life review is a way for each soul to clearly see what was of God and what was not of God. In heaven, a particular relationship might be sent through the reprocessing center and only a few moments might remain—a conversation about God, a moment in church, and holding hands while walking through a beautiful open field.
All the awful screaming of obscenities gets reprocessed into a calm conversation about life, details, and compromises in the physical realm, as if those moments never existed. Those moments disappear into the darkness. Abusive moments are not of God. Abuse (psychological, spiritual, and physical torture) could never be of the light.
Maybe anyone who has suffered abuse would prefer to see karmic retribution—one’s guardian angels holding the abuser’s head under water until the ego of that person relents and knows God. But, God does not work that way. God heals through unconditional love, of course, even in the most extreme cases of cruelty.
What if you could turn your eyes to God, and simply shut the door to all negative energy that isn’t of God. Leave it behind. Banish it in another realm. Imagine a huge door made of iron and shove all the negativity far away behind that door.
Human beings can often create a hell of heaven, and if that is the realm that some people want to play in—leave them to it (behind an iron door). Keep that door shut, and live in a realm of lighter things—butterflies, green grass, and happy thoughts. What if you could love yourself the way you wished you had been loved as a child, the way you wished others had loved you? What if you and God could do that together?
Abraham Hicks says that there is no happy ending to an unhappy journey which means you must find a way to focus on happiness and satisfaction, not on what you are missing in your life. Additionally, it might mean that you can’t force others to change. However, you can change your outlook and choices. You can change your story completely. You can turn away from all that harms you and walk into the light of God. You can create a new story in the light. At first this might only start as a meditation, but the light will filter into the reality of your life.
Angels in the ORis as much about transforming the suffering of this planet as it is about a near-death experience. My near-death experience was a profoundly beautiful moment, but so much of what I have survived and witnessed in my physical world is in need of transformation by that light of God. One of the main questions I receive from readers is how to transform this world with the knowledge of heaven. I think change begins with letting God’s love heal all the painful memories we hold inside of ourselves and shift these thoughts to thoughts of truth, beauty and goodness.
What is unique about a near-death experience is that this awakening often happens to people who were not seeking it.
A near-death experiencer may or may not have interest in spirituality before the event, yet they frequently return with a profound sense that consciousness continues beyond death and that reality is far larger than materialistic views.
For me, the experience was life changing. In a matter of moments, my understanding of life expanded beyond anything I had imagined possible.
Returning to ordinary life was both beautiful and challenging. Part of me was grateful to be alive and eager to continue my education. Another part of me could never forget what I had witnessed. I was obsessed and read countless books about spirituality while recovering from my accident. When I returned to college, I did not have the same interests or insecurities. I had so much more gratitude and a feeling of being connected to everyone and everything.
One of the strongest impressions I carried back was the importance of love. That sounds simple until we attempt to practice it. It is easy to love people who agree with us or treat us well. It is much harder to respond with wisdom, compassion, and healthy boundaries when faced with fear, anger, or aggression.
Love is not passivity. Sometimes love means protecting the vulnerable. Sometimes it means preventing harm. Sometimes it means holding a vision of healing for those who have been wounded. Love is both an action and a state of being.
I am not suggesting that near-death experiencers return as enlightened beings. We come back with personalities, emotional wounds, and challenges just like everyone else. Yet, many experiencers do return with a deep awareness that there is more to life than achievement, accumulation, or survival.
The moment I left my body, I knew that consciousness continued beyond physical death. I encountered a reality that felt more vivid and more “real” than ordinary life. Through direct experience, I understood that we are connected to something far greater than our individual identities.
No matter what happened afterward, I could never unknow that.
From that perspective, many of the things that consume us here appeared far less important. The struggles, fears, and disappointments that seemed so significant in life faded into the background. What remained was love, kindness, mercy, and connection.
Many experiencers report similar aftereffects. They often become less fearful of death, more compassionate toward others, and more sensitive to the world around them. Yet they must still learn how to integrate these insights into ordinary human life.
One aspect of my experience felt similar to what many spiritual traditions describe as enlightenment or non-dual awareness. As my consciousness expanded, my sense of separation dissolved. I felt connected to other people, to nature, and to the divine in a way that is difficult to describe with words.
However, returning to routines and systems naturally pulled me back into individuality. Bills still needed to be paid. Relationships still required attention. Old wounds and patterns still surfaced. Yet the memory of that deeper connection remained.
The challenge became learning how to carry some of that awareness into everyday life.
Awakening is not a permanent state. It is a practice of remembering. It is choosing compassion over judgment, gratitude over resentment, and presence over distraction. It is remembering that beneath our fears and differences, we are far more connected than we realize.
The question then becomes: How do we live in a world that is often fearful, divided, and reactive without becoming fearful, divided, and reactive ourselves?
Part of the answer is learning when to detach and when to engage. We step back from the noise at times, but we engage passionately and lovingly far more often. We do our best to extend goodwill to every human being, even when it feels difficult. Most of us start with the easy ones: our families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and the people we encounter each day.
We are striving to have minds that are less focused on greed, hatred, and fear while living in a world where these forces constantly compete for our attention. This is not easy work. When we fall into anger, resentment, or judgment, the answer is not self-condemnation. We meet those parts of ourselves with compassion. We heal them so that we can better support the healing of others.
Over time, we become less attached to every passing emotion. Feelings still arise, but they move through us more quickly. We learn to observe them without building a home inside them.
Gratitude also becomes an important practice. After my accident, gratitude came naturally. I was grateful for every breath, every painful step, and every bite of food. Simply being alive felt miraculous. This does not mean ignoring injustice or pretending everything is fine. I’ve never advocated spiritual bypass. What I have advocated is being happy. We don’t have to allow and ignore harmful behavior but we can grow in our reactions and ease our triggers to achieve more healthy detachment from the brokenness in others. This allows us to demonstrate spiritual and emotional maturity.
In the presence of God during my near-death experience, there was no sense of “I’m right and you’re wrong.” There was only love, understanding, and a profound recognition of our shared humanity.
That memory continues to guide me. However, like everyone else, I get frustrated, hurt, and discouraged. But the experience gave me a reference point for what is possible. It showed me that beneath the noise of everyday life, there is a deeper reality rooted in love and connection.
Many spiritual traditions teach that awakening is our true nature. Near-death experiences often provide a direct glimpse of that possibility. The work afterward is learning how to embody those insights while living an ordinary human life.
My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me about Healing, Survival, and Transformation, explores the near-death experience that transformed my understanding of life, healing, and consciousness. More importantly, it explores what happened afterward. The experience itself lasted only a short time, but integrating it into everyday life has been a lifelong journey.
I’m excited to have a narrative piece featured in OTV Magazine about sexual assault and the need for change in our society. Click here if you would like to read it.
Sexual assault and violence against women is sadly common. Over the years, many junior high, high school, and college students have confided in me about trauma in their lives currently or in their pasts. As a junior high teacher, I became a quick expert at handling CPS and police officers. This was a part of my job that I never imagined while taking college classes and planning lessons.
Changing Rape Culture: In the future, let’s hope more men are caught on tape calling other men out on bad behavior and anchoring a better, safer world for women, other men, boys, and girls, not bragging about assault. At the very least, these men won’t lose as many of their jobs, clients, friends, family members, and elections if they start behaving differently.
Healing: Most of all, I hope women who have become more aware of all the assault and trauma they have survived find even greater healing. Recovering from trauma can lead to growth and a greater connection to others. There are many different methods of counseling and healing modalities to consider.
Each journey is individual, but I encourage every survivor to keep searching and trying different modalities until you find what benefits you the most. Here is an interesting blog piece about healing the chakras through breath work and yoga. Life-long patterns of fear and anxiety can be unraveled and reversed. Many people realize that the mind, body and spirit must be healed after trauma. Here is another beautiful piece about holistic healing after sexual violence.
Love: Most of all, I am a big believer in loving yourself enough to heal all that has happened to you. Matt Kahn’s basic message of love as the answer is a message that resonates with me personally as an NDEr. Our world needs love that is stronger than all the hate we have witnessed in society.
I’ll leave you with a quote Marianne Williamson recently posted. “At a time during which the world seems to be falling apart, the antidote to global chaos is a critical mass of people within whom the unintegrated fractals of life are finally coming together. This collective mutation, this alternative to the maladaptive behavior of our species, is appearing out of the mists even now. And from this ragamuffin, international smattering of souls groping however clumsily for enlightenment, there is emerging a forcefield of love so powerful and lasting that hatred itself will fall away in its presence. It is a light that when having attained full brightness, will shine away all darkness from the world. Our task is to assume this, stand on this, and add to this, with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our might. The light is here because it is always here, but we must be its lamps.”
Love is All That Matters: After my NDE, I think about love a lot because one of the central messages from the light was that love is all that matters. How does a person choose to love the world in each moment? Maybe love is not being jaded to the pain of this world. We see so many images, so many percentages about people suffering that sometimes we feel a certain resistance to feeling or doing anything about their suffering. Love is caring enough to do something about a problem, and any contribution toward a solution is better than doing nothing.
Human Trafficking: While traveling through Mumbai, India a few years ago, I saw a child I wanted to rescue from the streets. Honestly, I wanted to rescue them all, but this particular young boy came up to my window in the backseat, and I could see that he had a cold. His nose was running. I thought about all the kids who have mothers who take their temperatures, tuck them in bed, and read them a story. I thought about the children who don’t have mothers, but have fathers or grandparents who do this for them. I knew this child most likely had to give his cash to the mafia who controlled him, but the shock of coming face to face with a beautiful, abandoned child hit me with palpable force. I’m not a photographer, but I snapped this young boy’s picture and then handed him most of the rupees in my wallet. The locals in the car with me assured me that he would not get any of that money, but I didn’t care. Maybe someone would be nice to him that night and give him more rice for bringing in a good haul. Maybe they would at least give him a smile. I could forgo one day of shopping in the markets for lovely jewelry, handbags, and scarves.
Donating: The child reminds me that status, pleasure, worldliness means very little when children and adults are treated this way. I am not free when millions of people are enslaved in human trafficking around the world. I look at his picture from time to time, so that I can pray for him and remember his eyes, his need, and his sadness. Praying for him (though important) isn’t enough, so I donate to organizations focused on liberating people from human trafficking like Polaris, UNICEF, and others. My rule with donating is to donate to the point it hurts a little, but not to the point where it comprises saving money, taking care of myself, or working on my goals so that I can donate more in the future.
Educating Others: Help does not always have to be monetary help though. For me, returning to the love I had for the world as a child helps me to prioritize my energy. For every good meal I eat, I think about how that boy goes hungry and consider what I can do to help with the energy I have from this meal. For starters, I educate my students about human trafficking, even if it is only the occasional article or Ted Talk video. Many students choose this topic as their research topic. Great books like The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks have been inspired by a moment in a lecture at a community college. I have faith that one or more of my community college students might do amazing work to help end human trafficking. My energy can be multiplied if I can convince others to care about this issue.
Become Like the Little Children: Another lesson from the light during my NDE was that I should remember the purity of my soul during childhood and return to that place. As a child, I was moved by commercials about starving children in Africa. Though I grew up rather poor myself and was rather skinny, I wasn’t starving. When I made mud pies in my backyard, I always made a lot of them and imagined that I was feeding chicken pot pies (one of my favorites) to all the starving children. I cared. I wanted to help. I always included these children in my prayers, and sometimes at night I had beautiful dreams where I met with a few of them in the heavens and talked about how we could teach people in the world to love more and care more for others.
Be Open to the Suffering of Others: I remember years later when parodies about these type commercials came out, I didn’t laugh. I laugh at most satire and most silly skits from Saturday Night Live, but I preferred the mindset of the young girl who desired to help others. Children feel for others, but as adults we put up barriers to feeling because to look at someone’s suffering changes us. We know that we can help, but giving monetarily rubs up against our own worldly goals of accumulations things, enjoying services, and fine food. We tell ourselves we work hard for our lifestyles and deserve fine things, and to some degree we do. However, where does the accumulation end? When do we have enough when others have nothing?
Legacy: I wonder how many people who have been taken to the cleaners in divorce court because of a greedy spouse wish that they could transfer some of that money to starving children. I’m sure many people want the money back for themselves, but given the choice of not having it or helping children, I wonder if they would chose helping children. I hope so. I hope they can see the futility of amassing great wealth but not helping others. Having wealth without helping others leaves their souls sad and poor. In the end, what we take with us is the good we have done in the world. That is our reward. We don’t take our accumulations of wealth with us. We take memories of love and kindness with us. We relive these memories and know we have reached a place of transcendence when the majority of our time was spent helping others.
Foreign Adoptions: For me, love is saying a prayer of thanks to all the people with the money and ability to adopt children from countries around the world. I don’t make fun of Madonna, Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Mary-Louise Parker, Julie Andrews, Meg Ryan, Katherine Heigl, Charlize Theron, or Jillian Michaels. I say a prayer of thanks for their kindness, for having a calling to rescue a child from a foreign land, and for their ability to do what I would do given their resources. An image of dinner at their homes makes me smile. I say a prayer for all the other families who are not in the media and who donate their time and energy to help others or who have adopted a child domestically or from a foreign country.
Lovefor that child in Mumbai is never forgetting him and writing down these thoughts. I hope others read my blog, contact me, and educate me about ways I can help in the movement to end human trafficking. Love always wins. It is the light that illuminates the darkness.
Tricia Barker 