Near Death Experience Posts

Harassment, Stalking, and Rape Almost Destroyed the Beauty of a Near-Death Experience But in the Long Run Spirit and Love Wins

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 4 Comments

Update 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

I’ve written about harassment, stalking, and rape before, but with everything in the news from the recent Time article about silence breakers, I wanted to address these topics again, and ultimately from the perspective of healing, both personally and socially.

I had a slightly different experience from some older near-death experiencers because I returned to the body of a woman in her early twenties.  Navigating this culture and another culture in South Korea proved challenging.

However, in the end, we are not defined by what we experience but by how we overcome these moments, how dedicated we are to focusing on creating a brighter future for ourselves despite the harrowing aftereffects, and how we are able to help other heal.  I also believe we all–male and female—have a responsibility to create safer power structures.

My healing came from group therapy, many types of therapies and healing modalities, many types of self-defense classes, community, helping others, energetic healing, meditation, yoga, writing, speaking about these topics, safe relationships, and time spent creating many beautiful, peaceful moments.

Ultimately, the near-death experience and the beauty of that event returned to me fully, but there were some dark years of living with some of the aftereffects of harassment, stalking and rape when I all I could do was survive.

I believe that love is a transformer of darkness in society.  I found a way to love all the many students I met who suffered in ways similar to me or in much more horrifying ways.  Supporting them in the ways I wanted to be supported made me feel as if I was working to create a better world.   In the end, isn’t that what we are trying to do on a soul level–create greater connection, greater understanding, and greater healing for everyone?

I reiterate time and time again that no victim is ever required to formally forgive, engage with, or talk with anyone who has harmed them, but it is also important to let go and focus one’s energy and time on goals, dreams, and beauty in the world.  Writing helps me let go of these moments even more.

It is no longer just my story.  As I am connected to countless stories from my students and may have worked to eliminate some of their sorrow, or at least pointed them in the direction of a brighter future, anyone who reads my story also helps me let go even more.  You lessen my burden.  You help me carry it, and set me a little freer.

I know our spirits long to fly.  Our spirits do not identify with this form–the PTSD or the pain.  We are the love that we give.

Experience Connection With Unconditional Love

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 1 Comment

The things slowly killing us are often our thoughts—our denials of love for ourselves in a thousand small ways.

We are a vehicle for God’s love. We are all facilitators of this love, but we are either teaching others what it looks like to not let much of God’s love flow through us, what it looks like to be filled with insecurity, wounds, and beliefs that we are not enough without “this relationship, this financial situation, this certain appearance” OR we are giving ourselves the great gift of acceptance and love just as we are.

This holiday season, remember that it doesn’t cost a thing to be in harmonic convergence with the love of God. It doesn’t cost a thing to play with life. It doesn’t cost a thing to be authentically you and love every minute of that experience. It doesn’t cost a thing to refuse to ruminate on pain and to choose to focus on love.

We all deserve to experience the love of God that I felt during my near-death experience. I must admit that at times on my journey after the NDE I’ve missed that feeling and felt separated from God’s love. How could I not miss a love that was total, complete, and without judgment? How could I not miss a moment of floating in perfection?

Because I experienced God’s love this deeply, I also experienced what it was like to love myself in this way—completely, without judgment or fear. I couldn’t fathom wishing to have more, be more, or experience more of anything other than love.

My journey, and most likely everyone’s journey, is to remember how to experience connection instead of separation from unconditional love.

The separation from this total, amazing, all-encompassing love is one of the hardest things to experience in form. We are all capable of loving ourselves deeply, but much of the information around us tells us differently. We are bombarded by our thoughts and the thoughts of a media-infested world telling us what we might be instead of teaching us how to love ourselves.

In the afterlife, God did not compare me to anyone else. On the earth plane, we all too frequently do this to ourselves. In heaven, I was alone and at peace in this swimming, floating experience of God’s love. I didn’t need anything other than my own soul and to be a part of God.

Part of learning to access this love is having the ability to experience bliss while completely alone. Meditation is one way to access this. Nature can put us in touch with the moment and allow us to access more of this joy and love.

But, how do we carry ourselves through life with this love? How do we experience this love in times of stress, loss, bereavement, illness, crisis, and pain?

How do we celebrate ourselves without the energy of revenge or competition? How do we love others without being cloying or controlling? How do we move through difficult moments of our lives without draining our energy or the energy of others? How do we get what we need from life in a balanced, harmonious manner?

The answer, of course, is to open ourselves to great, enormous waves of self-love that will carry us through every moment of our lives. This self-love allows us to give more than we receive and not be bitter about it….to know that our magnificence is the fact that we walk in self-respect and love for ourselves and everyone else.

I am looking forward to creating a community of those who are interested in sharing how they bring the divine love of God into their lives. Angels and guides can be important helpers in this process.

In my two-week class, I will share five of my most important tips for opening completely to the love of God. We will discuss several ways to open more to the guidance and profound healing of the angelic realm. We will create a plan with deadlines to incorporate more unconditional love into our lives.

I will learn from you, as you learn from me.

More information about this class will be coming soon! To get updates, please like and follow my Facebook Page.

In the meantime, reach for ways to love yourself more.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 2 Comments

Update on 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now. It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.  My memoir does reflect on my suicide attempt and how the love of the afterlife later showed me how to bring more love and healing into my life.  I want to share that healing with others.

A Spiritual Perspective on Depression and Suicidal Idealization

With the holidays coming up soon, I thought it might be important to talk about depression and suicide and offer my perspective.  I know that many people who have survived abuse, neglect, or trauma in their families are often ostracized by these family members.  Holidays become all the more of a painful reminder of how alone they might feel in the world.  Those who are awakening and realizing spiritual truths that may transcend the perspectives of their family members might also feel some disconnection.

Whatever your situation might be during the holidays, I hope that you might treat yourself with great love and compassion during this time of year and through out the rest of the year.

I have a unique perspective on suicide because I viewed my suicide attempt while in the afterlife.  At the end of college, I had a profound near-death experience after a car wreck and was clinically dead for over two minutes during emergency spinal surgery.

During my life review, I saw my suicide attempt (which occurred a few months prior to my near-death experience) through the loving gaze of God. God had enormous love and compassion for me during this sad time in my life.  I felt completely supported by this loving force of God, and I could hear some of God’s thoughts about that time in my life.

When God viewed my suicide attempt, I felt that God wanted me to love myself more and know that I am deeply loved and supported by the universe, even when it does not seem that way.  God wanted me to place a high priority on my health and healing.   There were a myriad of choices available to me besides making an attempt on my life. I saw all these choices spin out around me as various light-filled paths.  I could have contacted friends, acquaintances, certain family members, called a hotline, looked for free or affordable resources through my university, searched for help at churches, or joined a recovery group.  There were many options I had besides the one that I picked in that moment.

At twenty-one, I did not know how to walk through the painful parts of my life, but if I reached out to others, I might have made a choice other than swallowing a ridiculous amount of painkillers and washing these painkillers down with a decanter of whiskey.  Amazingly, I woke up 36 hours later and realized that I had vomited, which probably saved my life.

At twenty-one, I didn’t realize that I could’ve tried new things I had never tried before.  Help might not have come from the people I wanted it to come from, but help and healing was available to me, and it is available to you too.  If you are suffering from a deep depression, keep walking through the pain and know that you are not alone on this journey, no matter how alone you might feel at the moment.  Find connection somewhere.

Through my life review, I saw that God also wanted me to be kind to others and ask them more questions about their lives.  An obsessive focus on myself led to greater depression and sadness.  Getting out of myself and listening to others would have brought more joy to their lives and to mine.

Suicidal plans and thoughts should be taken seriously.  If you are very close to taking your life, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  If you are not in the U.S., please look up a local or national hotline and talk with someone immediately.  Utilize all resources available to you, and reach out to someone you know who is a safe, caring person in your life.  If you are not suffering from depression but know someone who is, encourage this person to take healing, self-care, and therapy seriously.

If you suffer from depression but have energy to focus on your health and want to apply the deeply loving force of God to your own situation, I can offer you some ideas.  Every journey is an individual one, so please keep searching for what works for you.  These are only suggestions.

  1. Self-Love: Read everything you can get your hands on about self-love.  Louise Hay is a great resource with many mantras that might begin to change some of your negative thought patterns.  Ingest a daily diet of uplifting material—posts, podcasts, videos, and books.  I can personally recommend the book How to Love Yourself (And Sometimes Other People) by Lodro Rinzler and Meggan Watterson, especially if you struggle with romantic relationship difficulties.  Here is a blog post I have written about self-love.  Self-love is essential and necessary.  Too often we are much hard on ourselves when we could offer ourselves great compassion instead.
  2. Start a Healing Journey: Every healing journey is individual, but consider researching diets and supplements that can help your mood.  Reference books like Prescriptions for Natural Healing might be a place to begin.  Focus on simple healthy pleasures each day.  Exercise and get vitamin D.  Try new things.   Depending on your financial situation, invest in a therapist and try out various healing modalities.  Everything from eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) which might help with PTSD to energetic healing modalities might offer you relief.   Addressing subconscious blocks through modalities like Psych K can be beneficial. Even if you do not have the funds for some of these modalities, you might be able to trade with certain practitioners if you have skills in a certain area.  You can learn specific yoga moves or Tai Chi exercises online that can improve your mood.  You might also be able to learn more about healing modalities and practices, and find comfort in the talks and free information from healers.  Start with therapy and work outward in the directions that you are led.
  3. Commit to a Spiritual Practice: Commit to a support group, recovery group, spiritual practice, church, or gathering that makes you feel connected to love.  Do not go somewhere or stay somewhere where you feel judged and bogged down by the negativity of others.  During my near-death experience, I clearly saw that love is all that matters.  Go somewhere where you feel love, optimism, joy, and release from your struggles.  I highly recommend a meditation practice, but like a healing journey, a spiritual journey is an individual one.  I can only emphasize the importance of commitment and practice.  A spiritual practice is beneficial when you commit to it over the long haul and through the many ups and downs of life.
  4. Volunteer: There is usually someone who is less fortunate than you.  Even if you are in a dire position in life, you can volunteer at an organization that already helps you.  While volunteering, you might meet others and listen to them with love and with hope.   The point of volunteering is to do something to make the lives of others easier or better in some way.  As you give what you can give, your troubles lessen and you feel connected to a greater whole.  Like exercise or any other activity that we know is good for us but we resist, volunteering can have a profound effect on our consciousness.  When we feel useful or helpful, our self-esteem and self-concept changes for the better.  Mostly, we simply find joy in being connected to others versus suffering in isolation.  We are communal and need one another.  Find safe people and form bonds.  If you are too anxiety ridden to volunteer somewhere, then find a way to connect with others and do not suffer alone.
  5. Feel the Love of God: Take time in your day to imagine the force of God that near-death experiencers talk about with longing and love.  Try to imagine the most loving force on earth.  What would that feel like to you?  Write down what you would like God to be like for you and what you would like to feel from God right now.  Take those positive feelings and multiply them by 70 million.  Believe in this love as a reality and not a concept.  Close your eyes and imagine what this love would feel like.  Bring this love into every single one of your cells.  Fill your body with a glowing light that is the purest form of love imaginable.  This is your birthright and your true essence.  Know it.  Share it.  Believe it.
  6. Gratitude can rewire your brain:  Keep a gratitude journey and write down what you are grateful for each day.   Watch this Ted Talk and try some of the other suggestions at the end for creating more happiness in your life.  Hopefully, this speaker makes you chuckle a bit.  Laughter is one of my favorite medicines.

The Life Review in a NDE

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / Leave a comment

Update 1/19/19:  My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered now.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love it if you helped me make near-death experiences more mainstream.

Life-Review:  One of the common experiences during a near-death experience is a brief or extended cinematic view of one’s life.  Seeing our connection to others and seeing life through the vision of another person is a powerful lesson.  During my life review, I saw into the hearts and minds of people I had not known very well.  In life, I had judged them as not particularly interesting for a variety of superficial reasons.  During my life review, I clearly witnessed that a good heart and spiritual connection made these people very beautiful and precious to God.

I learned from that one scene in my life review to connect more frequently with people around me and to see people’s hearts, not their outward appearances, their accomplishments, their money, their charisma, etc.  For instance, wealth can be a tool to bring more goodness and prosperity to many people, or it can be used to use and manipulate others. There is nothing negative about accomplishments, money, or power, but the heart matters more.   Just like the line in the song “Desperado,” it is important to remember that “The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.”   The same applies for the King of Hearts.

My life review was quick and zeroed in only on what I should learn and what I could do better in life.   I judged myself and my actions mainly because I could see into the hearts and minds of others and observed my limited thinking.  God seemed to be guiding this life review and let me feel what I needed to feel from these scenes.  I understood that people I had written off had love and concern for my well-being, and I wished that I had been more open and kinder to them both in my thoughts and in my actions.  I saw that God sees our hearts much more than anything else.

According to the website www.nderf.com, there are four categories of life review descriptions.  “NDErs categorized them based on  1) how the life review physically happened; 2) content; 3) aftereffects; and 4) other.  Many described the life review like a re-run of a play, a film, or watching it on-screen.  Others commented on the content of the life review.  NDErs generally noted that they were the ones who judged themselves.  During the process, they saw the good, the bad, and cause and effect of their choices.  Many reported that they had a review of feelings, rather than a review of events.  Some say that their review consisted of feeling others reactions to their earthly actions.  The other large category were the aftereffects.  Not only did participants state that it was important to love and help others, but they also indicated that their relationship with God/Jesus was more important to them.  NDErs appreciated life more, and stated that it was important to have a sense of purpose.  The smallest category was ‘other’ in which NDErs reported not learning anything or they had a life review but couldn’t remember it.”  (Quote taken from www.nderf.com)

Throughout my life since the NDE, I have tried to be more open and supportive of others.  I don’t judge people in the same, superficial ways that I once did.  We all are works in progress, but I know that lesson was catered especially for me at that time in my life. Young people can be overly concerned with fads, fashions, musical tastes, literature, and sub-cultures in a way that doesn’t matter as much as we get older.

The heart, however, is the gem, the treasure, the best bet.  

When Carl Jung asked Chief Mountain Lake why he thought all white people are mad, Mountain Lake replied, ‘They say they think with their heads.’  “’Why of course, says Jung, ‘What do you think with?’  “’We think here,’ says Chief Mountain Lake, indicating his heart.

Let us all think more frequently with our hearts.

love

 

Be the Light of Your Own Healing

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 3 Comments

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Why did I pick the phrase, Be the light of your own healing? I picked it because the angels gave me this phrase, and I usually listen when they speak. During my near-death experience, God was depicted as a light for me. The angels sent healing light through the surgeons into my body. I was told to return and teach and remind others of their light, and I saw these light-filled souls along a river.

Life is always flowing and moving in new directions, and I can see in my mind’s eye how each of us might intersect another’s life for only a moment.  If in that moment, we can remind others of their light and divinity, we have made the world a better place. Sometimes, we walk beside someone for a longer while, hopefully increasing the light and flow of goodness in each other’s lives.

Our divine right is to be in alignment with God, to make wise choices, and to demonstrate love and kindness on this earth. When you are in alignment with the light of God, you can reprogram your subconscious to feel deeply worthy of health, healing, and goodness. You realize that to be the light of your own healing, you must also reach out to help others.

One of the most healing aspects of my near-death experience was being in the presence of an all-loving, supportive, understanding, caring God. For the first time in my life, I wanted for nothing. In the presence of God, I felt perfectly at ease. This was a miracle for me because I had suffered quite a bit during my twenty-two years on earth. I had a heart heavy with great emotional pain, but in an instant, the light healed that pain and granted me more love than I imagined possible. After that moment in the presence of God, I could never forget what that unconditional love felt like.

We are most in alignment with the light when we feel worthy of love and when we serve others. The minute we start wondering what we will receive in return for our service, the gift of service is no longer service but manipulation. What we receive for our service and gift of light to the world is a communion with the energy of unconditional love. Love is all that remained in the afterlife, so creating moments of giving love to this world is truly all that matters.

Helping others and sending light to this world saved my life countless times.  I’m not saying that all service should be without a monetary component. I would love to see a society that valued those in helping professions greatly. However, those who are in the flow of divine love and grace are mostly concerned with how magical it is to be a conduit of healing for others.  They are not worried about their status as much as how many bright memories, love-filled memories they can create while here.

A few years ago, God spoke to me loudly and audibly and told me that my teaching mission in the educational field had completed. I have taught English at the junior high, high school, and community college level. I assumed I would teach until retirement, and I was shocked to hear this. God also let me know that I was free to do “whatever I wanted to do.”

Quickly, I realized I wanted to write about my near-death experience, my teaching mission from the afterlife, and the struggle to survive as a young woman in this culture. My journey before and after the NDE has not been easy, but every experience has allowed my heart to expand to include others who have suffered in the same way.   There were days and there still are days when I wrestle with my mind and its tendencies for depression.  I wrestle with it until I get negative thoughts in a choke-hold.  I make sure that a positive focus wins, no matter how much effort it takes to get there.  Most days, it doesn’t take that much effort.  If I remember the feeling of being in the presence of God, I feel an immediate shift.  I know you can make these shifts in your lives.

Change is heroic.  Every person who has committed to his or her growth, health, and success has had to change. 

I still enjoy working as an educator, but I feel called to share my life with others who are interested in spiritual growth and healing.  I want to create communities and classes focused on greater healing and inner freedom.  I plan to do this through Facebook groups, and I hope to schedule more speaking events across the country.   Someday, I know I will be talking in a bright green field, and we will stand up to dance together.  Peace on earth is possible one loving community at a time. We will find ourselves in these communities more often.

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow the Facebook page that I created last night with the guidance of an amazing expert who helps many people achieve their dreams and beautifully launch their ideas into the world.

In time, I will connect more frequently with you about classes, free offerings, and ways to incorporate more joy and light into your lives.

 

Safe, Eternal, and Free

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 2 Comments

We are all part of love and all part of God.   We are all capable of living as love and the light of God which knows that it is always safe, eternal, and free no matter what is occurring on the physical, three-dimensional plane.

I know that the minute I left form, I forgave everything and everyone instantly.  Pain is contained in our stories and in this physical realm, but we do not have to wait to find freedom only in death.  Freedom can be found through walking in faith and practicing forgiveness.  The concept of faith seems simple, just as forgiveness does, but these feats are heroic.  To step into the unknown and believe that God will meet us at every step requires the courage of a seer who has lost sight of the future.  To be beaten down at every turn and still have faith, requires the strength of a warrior. To be betrayed, abused, neglected, wounded, and abandoned and to forgive, so that one’s own life might grow bright again, requires a terrifying amount of strength. 

For many NDErs, our mission (whether to work as ministers, teachers, healers, speakers, writers, or simply to walk through this world as love) is mainly to do our best to hold on to the memory and energy of God’s love and show others how to access this love of God.  That is what God showed me when God told me that my purpose would be to teach and remind others of their light.  Our connection to God’s love is aptly symbolized through light because light makes things clearer. 

We can all access love, healing, and peace at any time.  Anyone can have a mission focused on love.  All it requires is communion and faith in the most loving force imaginable, a love that we all need more of in our lives.

The more often I hold on to the energy and love of God, the more often I can help others access this love.   As a teacher, there were so many times that I couldn’t believe that it took so little effort on my part to open a student’s heart. All I had to do was see any one of my students– really see them, witness their struggle, and then offer some hope, not a ton of hope either, just a thread.  It takes so little effort to be kind to others, yet it makes such a major difference in the quality of their lives and our own.

Many NDErs feel disheartened about returning to form because too often people do not go out of their way to be kind.  Navigating a world of people in great pain who have forgotten their connection to light is a tough hike.  Still, I am glad that God sent me back against my wishes.  I may have suffered, I may have cried on this journey back in form, but I have stayed determined to keep pushing forward, to keep believing in the beauty of a higher calling–a calling which forces me to remember and to teach what love truly is. Love brings us great peace and moments of knowing that we are perfect just as we are. 

Is It Possible to Make Peace with an Abusive Parent After Experiencing the True, Amazing Love of God?

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 25 Comments

My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love your support.  My aim is to help make near-death experiences more mainstream and to bring more healing to this world.

The Love of God:  One of the most shocking experiences of my near-death experience was feeling the love of God.  This love of God accepted me exactly as I was—all my thoughts and feelings.  I did not have to change my thoughts to please God.  I did not have to worry about whether God liked the look on my face or my interpretations of the world.

God loved me infinitely just as I am.  I didn’t have to change or pretend in any way.  God didn’t call me names, hit me, lock me in a closet, or invalidate anything about me.  God loved me without end.  I felt completely supported and without a single worry, experiencing only bliss, peace, and deep understanding. God immediately forgave me for all self-harm and showed me how to love myself more deeply.  God did not make me relive or see any of the abuse I had survived in life. I had never known a love like this  growing up or what it felt like to be supported.

One of the most common attributes of a narcissistic father or mother is the inability to understand or care about their child’s thoughts and feelings.  This parent is not able to validate their child’s feelings as real or important.  Empathy is simply out of the question.  If the child of a narcissist expresses displeasure with a parent, the parent will often explode with fury, threaten, storm, or rage.  The parent might become violent, beating or confining her child or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse.   Once the child is strong enough to fight back, coldness and verbal abuse are usually the tactics.

motherMy Story:  Growing up, anything that I thought or felt, especially if it was different from my mother, made her angry, withholding, cold, or critical.  Often, this abuse was even spiritual in nature because she used the Bible as a reason to beat me.

However, Mom allowed and encouraged reading, so that was the way I could escape my lonely life.  I read at a 12th grade level by second grade, and I devoured any book I could get my hands on in the library or garage sales, often fantasizing that I might be sent away to a boarding school or that I might magically encounter a nice couple who would mentor me.

In the isolation of my home as an only child in the country, Mom painstakingly taught me to worry about her sadness, her depression, her angry feelings about my dad, her physical complaints, and her thoughts about the world and everyone in it. She coached me on who to like in her family and who not to like in her family.  If I liked someone she didn’t like, she rolled her eyes.  If she stopped liking one of my few friend’s mothers, then I was told that I no longer liked this close friend of mine either.  She taught me to be her counselor, her best friend, and her confidant.  I pretended as best that I could to survive my childhood, but honestly, at best there were only fleeting moments of fun.

takingcareNo one really witnessed the full extent of my mother’s abuse.  My father was rarely there, and I’m an only child. When my father’s parents stopped by unannounced, mother made us hide in the closet to avoid them.  They loved me so completely as their only grandchild, and she didn’t like it when I received that kind of adoration.  I remember a moment when she argued with my grandmother that I didn’t need a toy that I wanted.  My grandmother looked at her and said, “I want this child to know that we love her.”  The moment felt powerful to me, and I remember feeling excited at the cash register. We didn’t see them as much after that moment.

Around Mom’s family, she controlled of the narrative and talked about everything she sacrificed for me.  Mom certainly worked soul-crushing, blue-collar jobs to pay for my private Christian education through seventh grade.  The problem is that I would have rather had more food, decent clothes, trips to the doctor, and a public education where there were more people in my class than three or four students. I longed for more socialization.

Mom presented herself as a loving, doting mother, but in private I felt sucked dry.  She wanted me to make up for all the love she felt she didn’t receive from her own mother and her husband, but this scenario seemed a setup for a dramatic failure.  When did I get my needs met?  I don’t doubt that she feels that she loved me, but from my perspective most of what I experienced didn’t feel like love.   I feel compassion for the young, lost woman who raised me, but my biggest lesson in life has been learning how to feel great compassion for myself.

Mom rarely considered my honest needs. Sometimes, I got lucky and wanted the same things that she wanted.  We both enjoyed walks in nature, fresh fruit, and dogs as pets.  We both enjoyed a few of the same movies, though my tastes eventually changed and different from her always meant wrong.  For a few years in childhood, I experienced the bliss of owning a horse, and that freedom to ride fast and far away from my life meant everything to me.

pleaseSince Mom was all I knew of love, I thought love meant sacrificing every one of my feelings and ideas to make someone else feel a little better in their miserable life.  When her mental illness took a turn for the worse when I was in high school, I realized that she needed help; however, she refused help from the people I told about her frequent suicide threats.  There were many nights when she was alone with that pistol in her drawer, and when she threw the door open suddenly I always ran out of the house to put distance between us.  I didn’t know if she was going to shoot me first before she shot herself, and that level of terror changed something within me.

Though I had good grades, I didn’t realize how broken I was emotionally by the time I left for college, and I had no idea how to work on healing.  By the time I had my near-death experience my senior year of college, so much inside of me felt devastated and then in a single instant—-healed.

The near-death experience granted me a huge dose of optimism, love, and connection to God and angels.  Immediately, I felt whole and alive inside, despite my wounded body.  During my physical recovery Mom took care of me, and we got along better than ever before.  She had remarried, changed jobs, and seemed much happier.  I wish I could say that the near-death experience completely healed our relationship, but I can only say that the near-death experience eventually helped heal the gaping hole inside of me.  We don’t choose our family, but we can choose supportive friends.

neededAnd, no matter what happened in life, I could always remember and return to what it felt like to be loved by God.  No matter who validated me or didn’t validate me, that moment in the presence of God showed me my worth.  I never knew that I was worthy of even an ounce of that love and consideration.

I’m sure my mother doesn’t realize she is worthy of that level of love.  Her religious beliefs are ones that validate her narcissism and deep need to feel superior to others.  In her mind, only she, and a few select others, know the “truth.” The way everyone else interprets the Bible and God is incorrect.  She owns the market on being right as she stockpiles food and fears the apocalypse is around the corner.  She’s been fearing that since the 1980’s.  I wish she felt less fear and more connection to a loving God.

I’ve seen interviews with other near-death experiencers whose parents felt blessed to hear their stories of the afterlife.  My mouth dropped open in amazement at what it might have felt like to have a mother who learned something from me.  There were snippets of time when Mom understood the power of that love I experienced on the other side, but ultimately she tried to convince me that I had experienced a lie—tricks from the devil.  How ridiculous!  Most of my life with her felt like a trick, not love.

When To Tell Your Story:  Many people wait until their abusive parents die before they talk openly about their experiences.  Tony Robbins waited and describes deep love and forgiveness for his abusive mother.  However, several others have decided to not have  contact (or minimal/harmonious contact) with abusive, narcissistic parents and speak openly to help others come to the best, safest conclusion for their lives.  I am enormously grateful to the work and teachings of Lisa A. Romano who speaks openly about her experiences and helps so many people.

The sooner people begin a healing process after surviving an abusive home, the sooner they can begin to heal and have healthier relationships.  Abused children sometimes don’t have children of their own out of fear, but if they start healing work soon in life they realize how different they probably would be as parents than their own parents.

During my NDE, God told me to return and to work as a teacher.  Since that time, I have been a mentor and caring person in the lives of many of my students who have survived abusive homes. Abuse of many varieties is all too common in family units.  Telling a snippet of my story to students who were in pain allowed them to tell me what was occurring in their lives so that I could get help for them.  One of the greatest gifts of pain is the ability to point others in the direction of healing.

I know that many spiritual people want to center love and peace in all situations, no matter how toxic their family members might be.  For those who can do this, I honor that ability.  I tried to do this with my mother, but I recently had a defining moment when I realized that my life, my health, my well-being, and my trip to the emergency room didn’t matter as much to her as the contents of her refrigerator.  She endangered my life and did not care.

When I realized how little my life mattered to my mother, I knew I had to take a break from her.  I don’t know the future, and I don’t know what healing might be possible in her life.  Maybe a rebirth can occur and a different type of relationship between us can manifest, but this might also be the death of our relationship.  I know people with childhoods like mine who haven’t spoken to their parents in ten years.  All I know right now is that I want people to pray for her.  I want other people to center love and peace in her life.  I want her to know the love of God that I felt in the afterlife, and I want her to know that I wish our story was a different one.

img_1882Your story might offer a different outcome with a toxic family member.  There might be a way for you to calmly listen to your family member and center kindness without putting yourself in danger.  Your love might transform this person over time.  I hope so, but if you decide not to have contact with someone in order to heal yourself from narcissistic abuse there are many support groups online and otherwise. Choose the sanctity and healing of your own life.  Life isn’t a “who is the most spiritual contest.”  In fact, if someone is playing that game, that person is probably a narcissist.  Love who you can authentically love.  Love is not torture; rather, it is easy as breathing when it is right.

freedom

The Healing Power of True Stories

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 5 Comments

I feel blessed and lucky to have had the chance to speak and attend the Denver IANDS conference this summer.  At the conference, I heard Dr. Eben Alexander and Mark Anthony’s talks.  Proof of Heaven and  Never Letting Go were influential and helpful books on my journey.

Many NDErs say the same things in different ways.  Because I loved Proof of Heaven so much, I considered not taking the time to write my own story.  However, at some point, I realized that my journey as a woman, a survivor, a traveler, a teacher, a dreamer, a poet, and a mystic needed to be written.  True stories have powerful healing potential for the writer and the readers.   We long for community and connection, and the journeys of others bless us in countless ways.  A book written in service of others should be raw and honest enough to connect with the right audience, crafted well enough to entertain, and sprinkled with inspiration.

Most people long to transcend the patterns and blocks that hold them back.  They want to break through these blocks like high school football players running through a banner into the best game of their lives.   I am certain that the world needs more true stories of eventual triumph, a deep connection to others, and communion with the divine.  We live to learn how to shine, to light the way, and to pass the torch on to others.

Tell your stories to the world.  Stand in your creative power, your connection to the light, and watch your world transform.




 

Inspirational Quotes

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / Leave a comment

My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love your support.  My aim is to help make near-death experiences more mainstream and to bring more healing to this world. These quotes are taken from my book.


 

The NDE As A Preview Of Awakening, Enlightenment, and God-Consciousness

/ Tricia Barker, Author of Angels in the OR / 4 Comments

 

My memoir, Angels in the OR: What Dying Taught Me About Healing, Survival, and Transformation, can be pre-ordered.  It is a #1 new release in several categories.  I would love your support.  My aim is to help make near-death experiences more mainstream and to bring more healing to this world.

Many people on a spiritual path long for an awakening or feel that they are awakened and struggling toward more frequent moments of enlightenment.  What is different about a near-death experience is that the experiencer may be far from interested in spiritual matters before his or her experience.  He or she may not be on any spiritual path of any kind, yet the experiencer comes back with a deep knowledge of a spiritual reality.

To be taken from 0 to infinity in a few seconds is a life-changing experience.   For those of us who have had profound NDEs, we scramble afterwards trying making sense of our life before and after the event.

In that first year after my experience, sometimes my connection to the other side was intense and all-consuming.  Other times, I looked forward to returning to the business of my life back at college; however, I knew I would never be exactly the same.

Though NDErs are often not capable of holding on to the blissful states they experience in the afterlife, these states are memorable.  In a recent video, I saw Howard Storm discuss the importance of loving others.  Though love appears to be a “simple” mission, it is actually a VERY tough mission.  To send love and light to people who seem intent on destroying us requires us to reach new heights of patience, understanding, and wisdom. Love is sometimes simply preventing someone from continuing to harm others.  Love might be anchoring a consciousness of healing for those who have been hurt in similar ways.  Love is action and energy.

In this video, I’m not asserting that NDErs are all enlightened souls, but I am putting forth the theory that many NDEs awaken the experiencer.  What we do with that awakening depends on each life situation.

Awakening: The minute I stepped out of form and saw “behind the veil” or rather saw that my spirit form continued after death, I was in a sense awakened.  I comprehended many things through telepathic communication and simply being in the very visible presence of angels/light beings whose presence I had never seriously considered.

No matter what happened in my life after my NDE, I could never brush away this knowledge.  I could not unlearn what I knew to be true; there is much more to reality than the material world.  In fact, from that vantage point, the earth experience appears to be a place where we choose to forget our connection to divinity and focus on our individuality.  In that darkness, some of us wake up and realize there is more to life than struggling.  A NDE shows us clearly that a growing connection to the light of God is what is most important.

What is true in the spiritual realm is goodness, mercy, and love.  I took none of the pain of my life with me, and pain and struggle didn’t seem to be the point or worth remembering.  Love and kindness to others seemed to be the main point of existence.

After a NDE, many experiencers feel less fear and more love.  They become less judgmental, have changes in sleep patterns, extra sensitivities to light, taste, touch, electronics, and energies.   As those on a spiritual path struggle to make sense of their awakenings, NDErs also struggle to integrate their profound experiences into their lives.

Enlightenment:  During my NDE, I moved from a place of observing what was happening to my physical body and the awareness of my spiritual form to a growing connection and awareness of many others and the consciousness of God.   As I left the hospital, my consciousness merged with the consciousness of others. I began to lose track of what was “my consciousness” and the consciousness of God (who seemed to be leading me through this experience) and other people. This non-dual state is the real deal (enlightenment) and what so many people long for while in form.  I felt a transcendental, awe-inspiring oneness with others, nature, and God in that state.

Most NDErs are disappointed to return to our personal perspectives, our corporeal forms, and lives because in that eternal space we were connected to many other people and had a much clearer, greater understanding.  We know that returning to form will be like being born again.  Life situations will surely force us back into our individuality, our wounds, and our experiences.  Many of us would rather stay in that place of great unconditional love and connection but choose to come back for the sake of loved ones, or in my case, a mission from God.

The beauty of that heavenly landscape in the afterlife seemed all the more beautiful because I longed for nothing else.  In form, our mind and emotions often trick us into dissatisfaction, but in that place I had no dissatisfaction.  I wanted for nothing.  I believe this part of my NDE gave me a glimpse of enlightenment.  I longed for nothing other than that moment.

Returning to form largely shakes us out of this place of oneness, but to be there even for a short while is amazing.  I’ve heard people talk about enlightenment as fleeting states and something we strive for as humans.  Maybe there are certain states of mind that are associated with higher levels of our potential, and as we calm our nervous systems down we can stay in these states for longer periods of time.  In a world of irritating, triggering news stories and other disturbances, it is hard to stay in these states for long periods of time.

So, how do we deal with a toxic world?

We detach from it at times, and we engage passionately and lovingly with it more often. We send love to every human being on the planet.  That’s hard, but we can start with the easy ones and the people in our vicinity.  We are striving to have minds that are no longer focused on thoughts of greed, hatred, and delusion while living in a world filled with these things.  This is difficult, but we don’t dislike ourselves if we fall into negative states; rather, we give ourselves love and attention and heal these parts of ourselves so we might be able to show others how to heal.  We are less attached to feelings of all kind, and they tend to blow through the nervous system quicker with this type of practice.

Gratitude is, of course, also important.  That was an easy thing to do right after my accident.  I was literally grateful for each breathe, each painful step, and each bite of food.  Clearly, I was alive, and this alone seemed a miracle.

I remember holding on to grudges for a long while before my NDE.  I’m not saying this isn’t a trait I still work on in myself, but I am surprised when I allow myself to feel something completely and then watch the feelings wash away.

States of enlightenment/equanimity doesn’t mean being walked on by others or not protecting the innocence of those around you.  Equanimity doesn’t mean acting sulky or aloof.  In fact, the more jubilant states of mind are a better indicator of equanimity.  Being compassionate, present, and fully engaged is a hallmark of equanimity.  A deep love for life and a desire to make the lives who are near you better in small in large ways is an indicator of equanimity.  Instead of judging everyone, you might pray for their healing, joy, and freedom.  Freedom is something we are, a space inside of us that makes us smile, not something we try to create.

Dysfunction and drama seems to be in the very DNA of the American culture from our movies to our families, so how do we become more peaceful and less reactive?  How do we let go more quickly?  I can’t answer this in a post because thousands of books are written on this subject.  I only know that a focus on what is lovely and true can begin to undo what is not lovely and true.

In the presence of God, there is no “I’m right/You’re wrong” dynamic.  There is only love, acceptance, oneness, and beauty.

God-Consciousness:  For NDErs who journey to the presence of God, we usually feel speechless about this experience.  My heart completely opened and was completly healed in the presence of God.  There were no cracks, no holes, no darkness, only pure bliss.  The deepest form of connection with the most loving force imaginable is hard to describe.  God told me to remind others of this instant connection to source, and I wanted to stay in that place because it felt amazing.  There was nothing better, so why would I want to return?  I knew I couldn’t hold on to the power of that connection and love.  Back in form, I’ve realized that remembering the oneness with God is my true, real journey in life.

How can we possibly embrace everything as part of the divine while living this life?  It is easier to accomplish when you focus on your spiritual purpose.  If that purpose is to bring joy and happiness to others, then that is what you do.  You live out your purpose relentlessly.  In my life, I am grateful to have a platform as an educator.  I feel goodwill toward every student who walks down the hall or sits in my classroom.  I want these students to have the best possible educational and emotional experiences.  I want them to learn all that they need to learn. I see education as a form of heaven on earth.

As our nation is highly divided right now, I’ve found it difficult to extend the same goodwill to some people on social media or in other areas of life.  At some point, I stopped and asked myself, “Are you a teacher in all walks of life or just at that campus?” I decided that I want to be a teacher in all areas of life.  Much like it took some time to become a seasoned professor, this goal might take time, but my intention is to center the energy necessary for bringing greater awareness, knowledge, love to everyone I encounter.

God is pure, divine light, and God-Consciousness is living in that state of absolute divinity.  In the presence of God, there is simply love and immediate healing of anything that needs healing.

NDErs might sometimes think that spiritual paths complicate ideas that instantly manifested for them in the afterlife.

However, one of the powerful lessons from NDEs is that these enlightened states of being are part of who we essentially are, and we can access these states with faith, practice, and intention.